Business Jargon

Corporate Talk

Written by Endrise

I tried decoding their office letters, but I swear it's something even I can't understand. It's like it's written in some alien language!

— Rebel Spy

Amongst the corperate heads of Neo Megacorps, business plans and valuable documents need to be secured one way or another. Sometimes this means that things need to be made cryptic or spoken in a more, bizarre way of speaking. Hence, the idea of business lingo came to being.

Known as a code language, most of the offices around Neo Utopiapolis tend to use this lingo with fellow employees, being demanded by the CEO of Neo Megacorps at all times to avoid leaks. The problem is, most people don't even know how to use the code themselves, which leads to miscommunication. Neo Mega Corps is considering releasing a patch for the language, but it has yet to be confirmed by the language company.

Common Terms & Phrases

Careful around the 800-pound gorilla.

Watch out for Billy the bouncer.

I just had an aha moment!

I realised that I fucked up badly.

Make sure these documents are done ASAP.

Make sure these documents are done as slow as possible (4-5 years min).

Don't forget the Bells & Whistles.

Make sure it's full of useless features to boost the price.

Bleeding edge technology

Technology that actually is full of razors and uses human blood to function.

Boil the ocean.

Make sure to set the oil leaks on fire again.

Brain dump.

Just remove all intern brains in the storage units for cleanup.

Check the box.

Inspect the mysterious cardboard box in the office, since nobody knows how it got there.

Contrarian

A nickname for the CEO

Corporate culture.

The term for the collective human sacrifises performed in the office.

Cutting edge

See bleeding edge.

Drink the Kool-Aid.

Don't ask questions and drink what's left in the back of the fridge.

Execute the task

Just kill the guy responsble for the task.

Give 110%.

Push your cybernetic into overclock mode and start working overtime (no payment garantueed).

The guy is herding cats

The person's office is filled with straw cats offered as an alternative payment.

Don't try to jump the shark.

Don't do any tricks around the office's shark pools.

Killer app

A nickname for their mandatory office app every employee has.

Lipstick on a pig

A nickname for the secretary.

Ninja

Just the ninja that lives in the office ceilings

One throat to choke.

Just saying if you want to kill somebody, kill customer service.

Outside the box

Whatever was inside the mysterious cardboard box has escaped it, immediate evacuation required.

Radio silent.

The customer died again from the cockroach attacks.

Reinvent the wheel

Throw away all blueprints and try selling wheels again.

Skin in the game

One of the coworkers got part of their skin stuck within the game box during shipping.

State of the art.

The most expensive product of their catalogue.

Value-added

Products or services that have like, 0.02% extra value to them

With all due respect

I don't give a flying fuck.

World class

A worthless term that is thrown on all products of Neo Megacorps