Fight Club in Irrum Vath | World Anvil
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Fight Club

Kirsa stepped through the narrow crevasse that gave way to The Underground , the premier fightclub of Irrum Vath. Dark thoughts plagued him of late, his failings, his indecisiveness. No one from the The Bajal knew he was here; he was sure of it.   He scanned the cave setting eyes on his target. The organizer seated in the corner with a logbook. A pair of Irra walked away from the kobold. Kirsa had seen him around here during his previous visits.   Kirsa approached the kobold feigning an air of confidence. “Are you who I talk to about getting in the pit?”   The kobold scanned him briefly, eyes sliding. “I am. I’ve seen you around before. First time in the pit?”   “Yeah.”   “You want fist, sword, creature…”   “Fist.”   The kobold glanced back up to Kirsa from his ledger. “Fist it is then. What’s your name and where are you from?”   Kirsa hesitated before responding. “Darsh, the Bajal,” he said, giving a fake name.   “Right. Darsh. You’re on second.”   Kirsa sat on a crate while watching people filter in for the evening's event. Taking in the sparse decorations of the cavern.   ~~~   The organizer moved to a spot of prominence on the edge of the pit. “Coming all the way from the mines of Moureth, you’ve seen him fight you’ve seen him drop it’s Gacade!” An older kobold fur beginning to gray with age who had been shadow boxing walks out and hops into the pit. He looked a little beat up. There are some light cheers. “And all the way from Himlet it’s Salar!” A similar cheer went up as a younger kobold with wrappings hopped into the pit.   The older kobold took the initiative going for an easily evaded body blow but followed it up with two quick strikes to the head and upper torso. The younger kobold nodded then mirrored the strikes with an uppercut to the abdomen and a cross. As the kobold swayed she followed up with two more blows.   The older kobold swayed his glance trying to gain focus on his opponent. “I got ya. Come on.” The younger kobold sent a knee to the abdomen and on his recoil punched him in the forehead. The older kobold sprawled onto the dirt.   The crowd looked somewhat dubious as the first few began clapping it built to a light ovation. “Yeah.” Someone called.   “And the victor is Salar. Let’s have a last round of applause for Gacade!” The organizer called over the crowd. “That… was a rapid exhibit.” The older kobold crawled out of the pit and grabbed a tankard stumbling in a circle.   “Next up we have Darsh from the Bajal!” A light cheer erupted again as Kirsa hopped into the pit. “And Valna from the base cliffs!” More cheers. Heavier this time.   “Hey, friend may the best fighter win,” Valna said. “ I want you to show me what you’ve got.” Valna made a quick pair of strikes both landed clean.” While Kirsa realed from the blows Valna launched a third that landed flush to the temple.   Kirsa threw a punch wide which Valna easily ducked under. Taking a step back and flashing a smile to the crowd to an ovation. Valna looked back to Kirsa. “Hey friend, you alright? I feel kinda bad.” Kirsa off-balance threw another wide punch. Valna simply threw another punch to the forehead and Kirsa collapsed onto the dirt.   ~~~   Kirsa’s eyes darted open to cheers from around the pit. Now outside the pit along the wall of the cavern, Kirsa sat up groggy. And tried to gain focus.   “You're saying the newest convocation member is coming for us.” A hushed voice said from the other side of the nearby crate. “You’re sure?”   “Yes, she’s been talking big about straightening out misconduct. She’s hit several places hard already, and most of our secrecy is theatrics.”   An uproar rang out from the crowd gathered around the pit and a few seconds later the fight organizer stepped past the crate from the direction of the voices. “And the winner of our third really swift fight of the evening is Gab!”   “Hey man,” Valna sat next to Kirsa and handed over a bottle. “It’s whiskey on me. You certainly put on an interesting show in there.”

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Oct 8, 2020 23:53

This vignette is very interesting and serves its purpose as a hook leaving me with several questions and the desire to learn more about the world and the characters and why this event took place. I also enjoyed the bit of a plot twist (?) where instead of Kirsa winning a single battle, he flubbed. Not sure if that was purposeful. Regarding areas of improvement, the point that stands out to me the most is that it was difficult to paint the characters. I’m interested to learn more, but I wasn’t able to really get a grasp on what they’re like. Also, while the action was entertaining, I felt that the scene was set enough to help develop the characters. Why was Kirsa at the Underground? Why did he feel that he had to give a fake name? Why does Valna call him “friend” and is there when he wakes up after beating him? While action-oriented scenes are fast-paced and often with little descriptive detail, it would’ve helped to have a bit more insight into the characters. Like, as Kirsa was watching the first fight, what were his thoughts? How did he think he’d fair in this situation? What were his thoughts about Gacade, Salar, and Valna? It was also unclear as to whom the other main character was. Again, a bit more description from Kirsa’s perspective would’ve helped clarify this. Sorry, I’m a rather blunt person. I can tell that there are a lot of good ideas stemming from this vignette, and while its length prevents a lot of development in terms of setting, plot, and characters, I think that spending a little more time describing the scenes would’ve helped in rounding out this engaging, action-packed story.

Oct 9, 2020 01:51

I think this is a really interesting vignette. I liked what you did with the underground, I think it had a lot of potential and you did a good job. I liked Kirsa and Valna, but I almost wish you had spent more time on the characters than the fighting. I like that he went there to fight because of his past failures, but other than that I don't know much about him. Also, if he came to get out his frustrations about his failings, how did he feel when he lost? I like that you made him lose so he's not just some flawless protagonist, but I just wish we could see how it affected him. I know it's short, but it'd be nice to know more about him than "he's nervous." My other issue is the council thing. That really feels like it was thrown in at the end. It has no impact on anything, and therefore feels out of place. Personally, I think you should shorten the conversation with the organizer and delete the first fight altogether. We don't know anything about the two fighting, and so it doesn't really matter to us. I'd rather hear how Kirsa feels when he's waiting to fight. I think the story has so much potential, and with such a short length, you really can't afford to waste a single word. Criticism aside though, I like the story. I liked the main character, and the setting was cool, I just wish he was a little more fleshed out.