GB Chapter 32: Gaelica the War Reaper

General Summary

Items they found amongst the workshop (in addition to what they made/already claimed)

• Soul Slurp: an experimental energy drink developed in the Christmas R&D department, but not yet in present circulation. It contains essence of souls collected by Wizard Santa, whether from his naughty list or St. Knights hitlist. The idea was for kids to minimally consume soul fragments of naughty children, gaining life from their failures. This drink heals the user 1d8+4 per juice box.
• Dark Lightning Quarterstaffs - deals an extra 1d4 lightning damage that affects undead creatures normally, regardless of any resistances or immunities to lightning damage they might have. The damage can be applied to spells that are cast using this staff as a spellcasting focus.
• Icy-hot potions (10, 4 consumed by party) - grant resistance to cold damage for 1 hour. It also grants advantage on saving throws against any cold-based effects that would reduce movement speed.
• Necrosynol potions (10, 4 consumed by party) - grant resistance to necrotic damage for 1 hour. If the user is reduced to 0 HP by a necrotic attack that would later rise them as a zombie/skeleton, they can make a Constitution saving throw contested by any carryover damage from the attack (ex. if you have 20 HP and are hit by Negative Energy Flood for 30 necrotic damage, you would make a saving throw with a DC of 10). If you succeed, you regain 1 HP and the potion's effects end.
• Arctic Darts (10) - deals extra cold damage equal to the user's Dexterity modifier
• Force Guns (10) - experimental dark energy weapon. Ranged Weapon Attacks, two-handed or mountable, heavy, range 80/320 ft.
The user must succeed on a DC 12 Strength/Athletics check for have disadvantage on attack rolls made with this weapon, unless it is mounted on something else. Only gunslingers & Artificers can add their proficiency bonus to these attack rolls. Deals 2d12 force damage + Dexterity modifier; opponent must succeed on a Strength saving throw against the damage dealt or be pushed back 10 ft. If the user rolls a natural 5 or lower on their attack roll with this weapon, the gun misfires and deals the damage in a 10 ft AoE centered on you, forcing you and any creatures in it to make the same saving throw with the same consequences.
• Necrocannon (10) - experimental dark energy weapon. Ranged Weapon Attacks, two-handed or mountable, heavy, range 80/320 ft. The user must succeed on a DC 12 Strength/Athletics check for have disadvantage on attack rolls made with this weapon, unless it is mounted on something else. Only gunslingers & Artificers can add their proficiency bonus to these attack rolls. Deals 2d12 necrotic damage + Dexterity modifier; opponent must succeed on a Constitution saving throw against the damage dealt or have their max HP reduced by half the total damage until they complete a long rest. If the user rolls a natural 5 or lower on their attack roll with this weapon, the gun misfires and deals the damage in a 10 ft AoE centered on you, forcing you and any creatures in it to make the same saving throw with the same consequences.
• Frost Cannon (10) - experimental dark energy weapon. Ranged Weapon Attacks, two-handed or mountable, heavy, range 80/320 ft. The user must succeed on a DC 12 Strength/Athletics check for have disadvantage on attack rolls made with this weapon, unless it is mounted on something else. Only gunslingers & Artificers can add their proficiency bonus to these attack rolls. Deals 2d12 cold damage + Dexterity modifier; opponent must make a Constitution saving throw against the damage dealt or have speed reduced by 10 ft. They can make subsequent saving throws at the end of each turn to end this effect. If their speed is reduced to 0, they are frozen solid for 1 round and considered incapacitated during that time. If the user rolls a natural 5 or lower on their attack roll with this weapon, the gun misfires and deals the damage in a 10 ft AoE centered on you, forcing you and any creatures in it to make the same saving throw with the same consequences.
• Genie Ink (1 vial) - crafted with ichor from the four known genie types, this arcane alchemation can be used to enchant one instance of parchment or writing surface with a single cast of the Wish spell. The spell will operate within the same limitations as the spell indicates.
• Candy Cane Javelins - targets make DC 10 Strength saving throws or are partially frozen in place by the candy cane. For one round, the creature is grappled.
• Candy Cane Quarterstaff (found by Wizard Moanius in Wizard Santa's mage lab) - releases a gust of arctic wind in a 15 ft wide arc that can travel up to 30 ft before dissipating. Anyone caught in the blast makes a Dexterity saving throw or suffers 4d6 cold damage, taking half upon success. Recharges with a 5 or 6 on a d6 roll, 1d6 . You make the recharge roll at the start of your turn.
• Santa's Sleigh (found by Wizard Moanius & Master Obu, owned and operated by Wizard Moanius) - a teleport-able sleigh with a trunk for the sack of holding, a two-seat carriage for Wizard Santa, and reigns for 8-9 reigndeer to pull it for the initial space jumps. The sleigh has an AC of 25, 100 HP & constantly ripples with dark energy.
• Santa's Sack of Holding (found by Wizard Moanius & Master Obu, owned and operated by Master Obu) - a bag of holding, with mild limitations due to Master Obu's drainage of dark energy from the bag for his own purposes
• Gift Grenades (10) - gift-box shaped projectiles, thrown range 20/60 ft, AoE 15 ft. 3d6 piercing damage.
• Absolute Zero Grenades (5): AoE 15 ft, 3d10 cold damage to creatures that fail a DC 16 Constitution saving throw (half damage to those that succeed). In addition, anyone that fails the saving throw is frozen solid for one minute (can make a DC 16 Strength saving throw at the end of every subsequent turn, thawing on success).
• Winter Bomb (1): AoE 300 ft, 20d10 cold damage to creatures that fail a DC 16 Constitution saving throw (half damage to those that succeed). In addition, creates a blizzard for 1 hour.
• An entire arsenal of nonmagical weapons & armor in the St. Knights armory - if you want a specific weapon, ask and it's probably here/we can reflavor something for it
• Various notes from Wizard Santa's necromancy lab
• Gems of Imperfect Revivify (3) - can cast one usage of the spell Revivify on a creature that has been dead no longer than a minute. However, as divine magic is difficult/nearly impossible to manipulate by non-divine casters such as Wizard Santa, the spell is imperfect. When the caster uses the gem, they roll a d100 and call out a number; if the number you guess is equal to or no more than 20 higher than the result (ex. you guess 40, & the number is 60), the spell succeeds; otherwise, it fails. The gem crumbles to dust that is consumed by the spell, regardless of the result.
• Scroll of Identify (1) - can cast one usage of the spell Identify. Alternatively, a wizard could transcribe this spell into their spell book, requiring 2 hours & 50 gp for the special inks and paper used to do so. A Divination wizard can transcribe this spell using 1 hour & 25 gp.
• Magic Gnome Lamp (1) - can cast unlimited usages of the spell Light. The Light spell can last indefinitely when cast this way, but the gnome becomes animated and performs various dances/jigs for the spell's duration.

Outline

Each patron/deity bearing member of the party haa a conversation with their boss. Balcazar even reaches out to the Moonfather, who functions more like a past hiring manager.

Draconius & Thalonius

Thalonius will appear in a cloud of swirling ice, chastising the Wizard for his failures/betrayals and firing him as his disciple. However, as grace for Draconius' past service, Thalonius offers him a choice; he will craft the body for Stonius himself, but Stonius will be bound to serve as Thalonius’ new champion and be put to work immediately, unlikely to ever see Draconius again. Or, Draconius can keep his soul and find his own way to revive his friend. If Thalonius reforms Stonius, Draconius can try to persuade him to leave Stonius for a little bit longer, but it will be against Thalonius’ Charisma save. If he succeeds, Stonius will rejoin the party as a Black/Reaper Dragonborn Rouzhai Paladin, with the Soul Scythe transformed into Hemovaine, a halberd made of black ice that drains blood from its victims and freezes it to expand/strengthen itself. If he fails or does not attempt to convince him, Stonius will go to Thalonia for Thalonius’ final task •Alternatively, Thalonius can offer to place Stonius’ soul within the Soul Scythe, thus reactivating its Soul Reap ability. Draconius can choose whether the Stonius Scythe absorbs lifeforce (soul energy) or blood (freezing it as extensions of the blade). Either this can happen, or Thalonius will forge Stonius a new body, requiring a vial of dragon blood from Draconius to complete the ritual. Once complete, he will forge Stonius a greatsword out of black ice; it expands after every kill, freezing the blood onto its surface and cursing it with its Thugoran essence. Stonius will have to go with Thalonius to complete the demodragon’s final task.

MB & Sevuctus

Sevuctus whispers from MB's phallic longsword, congratulating the padlock (paladin hexblade warlock) on their sexual accomplishments and their recent creation of the Dildorang. She will load his sexual conquests from the past week (6 total; the two St Knights, Wizard Moanius, and the 6 Frost Gnomes at the Christmas party) into the Dildorang, with room for more. She will encourage MB to be more calculated and purposeful with their sexual goals, adding an additional perk to the longsword as incentive.
Seductive Smite: When you successfully hit a creature that is not a construct with the Phallic Longsword, you can use your Bonus Action to persuade it that sleeping with you is a good idea/something they would want (Persuasion check contested by opponent's Charisma saving throw). If you succeed, you can add 1d8 acid damage to the hit, or stack it for later use (1d8 = 1 charge, can store up to 10 charges). If you fail, the opponent is immune to this effect for 24 hours. When this ability is used on plant or undead creatures, the DC will instead be 8 + the combined total of their mental ability scores (Intelligence, Wisdom & Charisma) below 10. For example, if the monster has an 8, 13, & 5 for Int, Wis & Cha, the DC will be 21. In addition, the sword's physical presence will become more deadly with more charges stored, sharpening & throbbing with acidic cum. For every two charges stored in the sword, the user adds +1 to damage rolls made with it (max of 5). Sploogeful Smite: When the user has at least one charge of acid damage in the sword, they can choose to release all stored charges on their next successful hit. This will release all the acid damage into a 15 ft AoE centered on the target; anyone caught in the blast (other than the target) makes a Dexterity saving throw, taking half damage upon success and all of it on failure. The DC for this Dexterity saving throw is 8+Proficiency Bonus+the number of charges in the sword. If the user tries to Seductive Smite when the sword is already at 10 charges and their seduction was successful, the Sploogeful Smite will occur automatically.
Sevuctus charges MB with a research project; she wants to know how susceptible undead creatures are to sexual attraction & seductive tactics. As such, she encourages them to seduce (and fuck, if they have time) as many undead creatures as they can.

Master Obu & Danos

Danos will recount to Master Obu the tale of Avernion, the Moon Elf king who attempted to defy him. He recounts how Avernion, gifted with the secret of lichdom, attempted to use the Daidrin Gaiostone to usurp Danos and become the new God of Undeath. Unfortunately for Avernion, Danos defeated and cursed the lich for eternity, forcing him to live out a fate worse than demilichdom;

1. He can never take physical form again, only a shadowy wraithlike state of being that cannot physically move his full consciousness more than 100 ft from his phylactery.
2. He can never willingly sever ties from his phylactery to end his undead life (in other words, he can't kill himself)
3. While he still has access to his highest levels of arcane mastery, he can face uncertain consequences when casting his most powerful spells
4. Should he ever be permanently removed from unlife by an external force, the Moon Elf race will be cursed to extinction, assuming there are any left

There was some other minor stuff here, but World Anvil is stupid and I accidentally deleted it when trying to backspace through a completely different area of the page.
Everything written above was based on pre-session notes. Everything written below is based on what actually happened in the sesh.

The Sesh

• The day of, all the god conversations happen. During that, Stonius is brought back and meets the party once more
• Wizard Moanius gives a speech and talks to Commander Kringle; he gives them a Frost Elf Cleric & Frost Elf Paladin.
• After the speech, the Shadow King projects himself through Wizard Moanius' shadow and taunts the group, in his own way. Through a conversation in front of all the Frost Gnomes, former slaves & St. Knights, the party basically tells him to go fuck himself. Thunder is heard in the distance, and the project dissipates after a drunken Fork punches him in the face. Everyone go to their battle stations and prepares for siege

Marching Order

• Wizard Monius, the Boy & the cleric in the sleigh, with reigndeer & Rudy
• Stonius & the paladin on the wall with MB & Fork
• Master Obu, Rexy & the Girl fly around
• Balcazar summons a draconic spirit & flies

The undead horde enters and Lady Gaelica appears on the back of a wyvern.

Combat: Gaiobros & Santa's Workshop vs. Gaelica's Army

Initiative

• Balcazar & dragon: 16
• Wizard Moanius, Stonius, the Boy: 10
• Master Obu, Rexy & The Girl: 11
• The Paladin & The Cleric: 18
• Fork & MB: 22
• Lady Gaelica & the wyvern: 13 (30/200 HP, 0/110 HP wyvern). 4/4 1st level, 0/3 2nd level, 1/3 3rd level, /3 4th level, 1/2 5th, 1/1 7th, 8th or 9th
• The Armies: 1

Round 1

• Fork & MB: Picking off undead horde peeps
• The Paladin & the Cleric: Pick off more undead
• Balcazar & dragon: The dragon takes out a couple zombies. Balcazar casts Fireball (3rd level) at a bunhc of zombies
• Lady Gaelica: Flies forward and takes three shots with the Frostbow, one at Master Obu, Moanius & Balcazar. 26 (crit, 14 piercing/16 cold) 21 (6 piercing/6 cold), 17 (4 piercing/8 cold). Balcazar takes 14 piercing/8 cold, Moanius takes 4 piercing/4 cold, Master Obu takes 6 piercing/3 cold.
• Master Obu, Rexy & The Girl: Rexy flies in and hits Gaelica with a tail & the wyvern with a bit; Gaelica dodges the tail, but the bite sinks into the wyvern, dealing 43 piercing/3 necrotic to the wyvern. The Girl casts Acid Splash on Gaelica for 10 acid damage. Master Obu casts Dark Lightning in a straight line at Gaelica, the wyvern & zombies; Gaelica takes 17 lightning and 68 lighnting to the wyvern & zombies; they all get fried as Gaelica Misty Steps (2 Legendary Actions) over behind the simulacrum.
• Wizard Moanius, Stonius & the Boy: The simulacrum casts Thunderstep and deals 15 thunder to Gaelica, then teleports over to the next tower. Wizard Moanius casts Hypnotic Pattern; Gaelica succeeds but the horde fails. The Boy cast Shock Therapy (5th level) on Gaelica, but fails. Stonius & the paladin cut down some undead
• The Armies: Some St. Knights come out and help cut down undead. More undead move out from the woods

Round 2

• Fork & MB: Picking off undead horde peeps
• The Paladin & the Cleric: Pick off more undead
• Balcazar & dragon: Dragon attacks Gaelica; the tail misses but the breath deals 4 fire damage. Balcazar fires Madrakor's Gauntlet; she Kinetic Counters and only takes 2 damage. Balcazar casts Fireball and Gaelica takes 9 fire damage. (15 total to Gaelica). Gaelica fires an arrow at simulacrum, but misses.
• Lady Gaelica: Casts Dark Lightning at the Obu crew, fires them for 44 lighnting and leaves them necrotically scorched. Runs over and casts Misty Step to get closer to Sim Santa.
• Master Obu & friends: Casts Dark Lightning at Gaelica, deals 63 lightning damage. The Girl casts Flesh to Ice and starts freezing her. Lady Gaelica uses Shadow Scorch (5th level, 3 Legendary Actions) and deals 21 fire damage, knocking Obu unconscious.
• Wzard Moanius & friends: Sim Santa Thundersteps away for 10 thunder to Gaelica. Wizard Moanius casts Cone of Cold for 23 cold damage. The Boy casts Shock Therapy and deals 18 lightning; Gaelica casts Plasma Catch (3rd level, Reaction) to deal the daamge to the Boy instead. Stonius cuts through undead on the front lines.
• The Armies: Some shit goes down; lots of cutting and 16 damage of zombie damage to Stonius

Round 3

• Fork & MB: Picking off undead horde peeps
• The Paladin & the Cleric: Pick off more undead
• Balcazar: The dragon kills undead. Balcazar casts Wall of Fire and burns Gaelica for 13 fire damage, then chops the head off an undead with Madrakor's Gauntleto
• Lady Gaelica: Fails her Con save and freezes up more. Desperate, she tosses the Shadowfire Orb at Santa's Sleigh, dealing 36 fire/38 necrotic (55 to the Boy & Moanius, 74 to Cleric). The cleric BARELY survives with 1 HP. Then casts Misty Step (2nd level) to get away.
• Master Obu & friends: Obu succeeds on a Death Save. The Girl cast Flash Freeze, but she reacted with Space Fake (4th level). Instead, the paladin takes the 20 cold and is frozen. Rexy tries to finish it, but can't hit her.
• Wizard Santa & friends: Stonius runs over to Obu & revivifies him. Wizard Santa & Sim Santa pull a cold strafing run. The Boy jumps around and destroys undead. The cleric Destroys Undead with Channel Divinity
• The Armies: The undead are cleared out and no further ones come out of the woods; seems to be a ceasefire

Aftermath

• The gang searches the woods and finds the frozen Gaelica. Wizard Moanius, Sim Santa & Balcazar launch Twinfire & Fireballs at Gaelica while Rexy tries to eat her; he BARELY dodges in time as their fire destroys Lady Gaelica. The undead around her have no orders, so they wander around
• Four weapons pop out where Gaelica died; Obu grabs Aetherbane, Balcazar grabs the Frostbow, & they grab the Deathstorm Lance/Shadowsun Greataxe. As Master Obu flies away with the sword, Aetherbane influences him and he suffers a point of Aetherbne's corruption.
• The gang returns to the castle, Wizard Moanius gives a motivational speech, and everyone parties in celebration of their win. But the real question is, did anyone heal Rexy or the Girl after the battle??? (hint; both were hit by Dark Lightning alongside their Master Obu, but only master regained at least 1 HP)
• While no active threat is present to our holiday heroes, the shadowy storm brought by Gaelica stil llingers over the forest

GB Chapter 32 interactions/other notes (not all of these are canon or occurred during the session)

MB’s talk with Sevuctus
The notes about the Seductive Smite are already within the session report, so I will not repeat them here. However, the following additions have been made to this divine conversation:
1. Sevuctus explains that the phallic longsword MB wields is a hexblade infused with the soul of her greatest champion, Phallicus. As her sexually bravest Paladin, Sevuctus knew that she couldn’t allow his determination to go to waste once his spirit passed on from the land of the living. As such, she infused Phallicus’ soul into his own longsword and cursed him to remain there, always horny and only awakening to a champion worthy of its power. Deeming MB to be worthy, she runs her hand along the blade to awaken Phallicus, activating the extra abilities detailed in the session report. Phallicus will also talk to MB occasionally, mainly during combat when he wants them to “insert him” into MB’s opponents. 2. Sevuctus gives MB the charge of exploring necrophilia, as she knew only someone as sexually brave as MB or Phallicus would be willing to take on this task. 3. Sevuctus reveals that while she has no problem with rape (she is a demon goddess of lust & seduction, after all), the companions MB travels with are valuable to their quest and will most likely attack or leave MB behind should they attempt sexual relations with them again. As such, she adds a strict rule to MB’s Oath of Conquest; if they attempt to rape another party member again, they will have broken their oath and have their Paladin powers taken away. If MB tries to resist the transformation, they must make a DC 33 Charisma saving throw (probably a 19 or nat20 dice roll). If MB succeeds, their Oath of Conquest will be replaced with the Oathbreaker subclass. If MB fails, their paladinship is completely revoked and replaced with the equivalent levels of hexblade warlock.
Fork’s talk with Bozer, Demon Lord of Alcohol, Substance Abuse/Addiction, Partying, etc. •Stumbles in out of nowhere in the form of a large dwarf. Praising Fork for his reputation, Bozer challenges him to a drink-off, with a special prize should he win (Amulet of the Drunkard, modified from the Critical Role version). •Amulet of the Drunkard: Whenever you drink the equivalent of one “standard” drink, you can choose to regain hit points equal to 1d4 +Constitution modifier (minimum of 1, should you choose to use this ability). In lieu of healing yourself, you can instead pass the full amount of this heal to another person by allowing them a swig of your drink.

Report Date

17 Feb 2023

Primary Location

Santa’s Workshop

Secondary Location

Cyregnor