Throckmorton McCringleberry

Oh sure, ok, we’re swapping stories, how self-indulgent. Sorry was that rude *snorts* I suppose we’ve got some time to kill. I’m Throckmorton, a skateboarder? huh? No, I’m a Gnome, not one of those smooth little toy making gnomes either *spits on the ground*. Sorry I didn’t mean that, that’s Mr McCringleberry talking, they’re ok I suppose. I’m a Godsbarrow Forest gnome, we’re the less civilised cousins of the gnomes you’re used to and they’re not afraid to let us know it, which is totally unfair. Well, not totally, but we only ate like, 2 of them, and it was a really bad winter and Grong and his boys had just pulled our trapper’s legs off, shit rolls downhill you know? Where things started to get interesting for old Throckmorton though is when I found the Barrow. I came across the entrance one day by chance, some moonlight, a little fey intervention from Cáiri here and there it was. I found myself inside an underground stone house that was empty except for some bits and bobs, and a bunch of books in written in some gobbeldy gook that turned out to be an ancient form of Gnomish *Burps*. I was never one for reading but paper burns great so I was still pretty excited. I collected everything up to take back when I saw it, a big golden tome encased in intricate mechanisms with a great big gem in the middle. I couldn’t for the life of me get it open, after trying everything I gave up and tried to pry out the gem with my tooth, it was beautiful, the gem started to glow and the little cogs started to spin and the whole book hummed as it unlocked and opened. Long story short I spent a good 20 or so years sneaking back there trying to figure everything out. Turns out its full of writings about god like power and the secrets to the universe as written by some real old Gnomes, not just feral little basket weavers after all hey Griznut?! Well, I suppose we kind of are right now, but we weren’t always!
I had to hide all of this from everyone back home, they wouldn’t understand, they’d give it up immediately to the Stoneskulls and those knuckle draggers would have ruined everything. I don’t mean that, they’re nice enough, some of them are, one of them did kind of sit on my cousin after midsummer that one time, and they ate Dilkeg that other time, but that was basically an accident. What was I saying? Yeah basically I had to leave, Life always seemed kind of fine before I found these books but now I know more I need more, I was going to set off with Cáiri here to show the empire we’re not just animals and show everyone what gnomes can do!
Well that was the plan when we arrived in Riveredge , turns out the empire was very interested in my book and less interested in me. They told me everything I wanted to hear, my own tower in the capital and a team of wizards to study with, they’d send for some of my family, I’d know wealth, and comfort, and power. Have you heard of ham? Real good shit, I was eating one of them in a big tub of weird smelling hot water they’d made for me, waiting for them to bring me some city clothes. That’s when Cáiri showed me what they were really up to. They were about to send me to some kind of magic work camp and they’d already taken my book away! We had to act quick, I’m not proud of what happened next, well I kind of am, but it didn’t do much to disprove all the ‘Hairy little savage” talk that was going around. So anyway, I started blasting but it turns out that explosions are quite loud and they attracted a bit of attention, I managed to find this cat *gestures to the freshly skinned and still wet cat skin he’s wearing like an ill-fitting jacket* and use it as a cunning disguise and snuck out of the tower, it was easily done on account of all the fire and the screams, we snuck aboard the nearest ship in the harbour and made our escape. We couldn’t find my book but they won’t be able to figure out how the mechanism works for a while anyway. I should have plenty of time to go back for it when this ship docks though.
Looks like everything’s coming up Throckmorton! *snorts* HA! lock Throckmorton up will you?! Think again asshole! I burnt your tower, I’m wearing your cat and I’m stowed away on a ship headed for, hey, does anyone know where we’re going?
Why are you all chained up?

.......


Fuck…

Basic Information:
Age - 62
Born - Godsbarrow Forest
Race - Forest Gnome
Class - Wizard