EBelt: Now, I just want to address your author note, then talk about the rest of the chapter. But I didn’t mind the speeches. I did like how you broke it up and had Tia and Duff talk in between. That was a smart idea to do, and it definitely helped with the speeches and didn’t make it quite so overwhelming, and it helped make it feel less like a large information dump. But does the reader need to know all of the rules for this Procession? Maybe you could write speeches, but only the important parts were told to the reader the rest was maybe summarized. Just a suggestion if the speeches start seeming too long, or the dialogue to split up the speeches is just not quite working. Secondly, I also like that you’re keeping a fairly good balance on Tia and her journey, while also balancing the politics and trying to keep that in play. I like the fact that you’re still reminding us, there’s something else going on. There’s more to this who shape-shifting thing than we think. Just those little subtle hints which by the way are coming through in the dialogue. So good job with that! And in Tia’s Unit, I am definitely looking forward to seeing some group dynamics. I think it’ll be so much fun, and once you start getting really good at that dialogue everything will just sing! I think that bit was quite good. It wasn’t a surprise, but it definitely was fun and interesting to see. And if you want a little tip about dialogue. Listen in on people’s conversations, and listen for how they speak. The little interjections they’ll use, or if they have a lisp, just look for variations in the way people talk and try to copy that in your writing, and eventually that character will get their own voice. And eventually they’ll start sounding like a real person. (For a quick check to make sure the dialogue sounds realistic you can just read the it aloud.) Another way is to watch movies or TV shows. Since movies and TV shows have to communicate everything to the audience though dialogue, if you listen to how the characters speak and pay attention to how the script is written out. That’s just another way to see realistic dialogue. However, the conversation between Martin, Ambrose, Allen, and Ghislaine was a bit awkward. The inside joke was most definitely an inside joke. I didn't get it, and I didn't think it was funny either. Overall the conversation was good, but there were just some parts that seemed forced or a bit strange. Nothing was out of character, which is good, but the dialogue did seem forced in some parts. Another thing is that I feel like you should maybe describe Tia’s heartbreak about leaving her family just a little but more. You gave us “He [Duff] can feel the overwhelming sense of loneliness looming, threatening to crash into her.” And then you moved on. I was kind of wanting to also hear how Tia was feeling from her perspective, and not just how she reacted physically. But honestly, not a bad chapter. Dialogue, just a bit rough, but not bad overall. Descriptions, you weren’t wrong about that, but it wasn’t as bad as other books I’ve read, and like I said, it's not bad to have factual descriptions. But I did enjoy just the little details that were in this chapter. The conversation with the king and some more hints about the political state. I liked that we were able to see just a bit of that group dynamic at the beginning, and I’m looking forward to see how they grow.   LeeStepp: I'll go ahead and mention this is probably my roughest chapter. I've gone back, read back over, edited and fixed up most of the other chapters several times wheras this one is probably one of the youngest and least revised not to mention I had a lot of blocks with this one. Not putting in every part of every speech is probably a good solution, just graze over the essentials and perhaps give Tia a distraction or switch perspective in between. I am also glad I'm managing to keep the different pieces balanced. Between politics, character journeys and relationships, ulterior motives, secret manipulations, impending fate, magic and cool fight scenes I like to juggle them and let them interact pretty regularly. As for dialogue, it may be surprising to hear I've come a long way already! Beyond as you said, picking up through observation in a variety of different sources, revision seems to be a friend to me. It is odd when I can see and feel when things aren't quite right but am still learning how to FIX it. As you said with Allen, Ambrose and his "left and right hand" of sorts things were a bit stiff. That conversation had maybe only one or two revisions? My first run is always very awkward and synthetic. I am considering having a little scene of Allen trying to pass down some of his techniques to Tia, including at least passing the basic principle of his "secret technique" that inside joke was about down to Tia though it isn't something one can practice often so she certainly won't attempt it any time soon. It's something I feel he would do anyway. More of Allen's terrible jokes would certainly make sense to readers after such a scene. And finally, you mention it a few times but it is certainly something for me to work on, is reactions of certain characters to things. I think I get too focused on one character's perspective or an overarching perspective and ignore or under develop other angles. And yes, the dynamic between those four is going to get very interesting and complex! Thanks again for the feedback, it definitely helps me grow my own writing and the story!