EBelt: Firstly, I think your plot is going very well. Every chapter you are adding these little “hooks and barbs,” these things that grab a readers attention and keeps them. These questions that every time you write something it leaves them wanting to know more. And that is a really good thing. (So far none of my questions have been answered, but that’s okay. I can wait.) I do think your plot is going along very nicely. And I will say right now, it’s okay to have a somewhat slow start because Epic Fantasies are known for being a “slow burn,” stories that take more time than others to set the stage. But as long as you have those hooks and barbs the reader will stay still the end. Secondly, I really like this description of Tia. “Tia feels them appraising and scrutinizing her, finding herself unsure of how she is expected to behave. She attempts to mirror her father's posture and expression, albeit clumsily.” I think this shows off her not only her insecurities (unsure of how she is expected to behave), but also shows that she wants to be better (attempts to mirror her father’s posture). Thirdly, I love Ghislaine. He feels like the real power behind the throne, (from a reader’s stand point), and he honestly seems like my kind of villain. A twisted, manipulative guy, who is really awesome in truly terrible way. And that’s my impression of him immediately. And that’s a really good thing. If a reader can get an impression or thought of a character quickly. Even the impression is wrong but it’s still an impression which is better than feeling nothing for a character. And the dialogue when Martin and Allen meet with him at the capital I think was good dialogue. There was some points where I was confused, like when Euan insults Ghislaine. (I didn’t get the insult either), but it showed that there’s something off with Ghislaine, and I like that subtext in the dialogue. (And I am aware that I might be completely wrong about the subtext, but that is my opinion.) However, the dialogue between Tia and Duff I personally find to be a little boring. I feel like it should be funny and light, then there’s the shift in tone as the battle happens, but it feels like it’s missing something. There’s just something off with the dialogue that makes it feel stiff and uncomfortable. Same thing in the woods. It feels unnatural, like two awkward teenagers trying to not be awkward. (Or two awkward teenagers trying to “flirt.”) Now, this is definitely a “me thing,” but I am not a big fan of dialect. Particularly dialect that’s forced, like what you are doing with Euan and Hamish. I find it hard to read and annoying, but I understand that is definitely me and has nothing to do with the story’s overall quality. And, I do find Euan very interesting. I feel like he’s going to have some part in the story eventually, but I might be wrong. But overall I do enjoy him. I think he’s an interesting character, and I think he’s fun. He kind of shows a different side of Tia. The side that clearly shows she did not get out a lot. And honestly, he pulls off that dialect. One last thing, I do think it would be a good idea to write out this scene, “Allen goes on to describe his early experiences with Martin when they were teenagers and Martin's anger when his clan turned him over.” But only if it is important to the plot. (I don’t know if their history is going to be a subplot) If it is going to b a subplot maybe start this scene then before crucial information is given have Tia get tired. But I feel like it is important because their history most likely wouldn’t be mentioned if it wasn’t important in some way, whether it’s character development and/or character arcs, or plot. Overall, this was a pretty well written chapter. I didn’t really see too much wrong with it. Of course, the descriptions still lack some of that interest, still very factual (which again there’s nothing inherently wrong that). The dialogue in some places could use just a little bit of tweaking. But I loved the side characters in this chapter (Ghislaine, Euan, Hamish) and I loved the description of the capital. And Tia’s Grandma I like already. (She wouldn’t happen to be a future mentor character would she?)   LeeStepp: I'm glad the pacing seems to going well. In early drafts I have a habit of letting on too much information rather than keeping it mysterious, I often have to go back and redact some things or rephrase things to leave a bit more for the reader to want to figure out. This is certainly going to be a story that's a slow burn, but the later events are going to be extremely intense and hopefully emotional. As for Tia and Duff.... Duff himself is very mysterious, cryptic and sparing with his words. Some of the others who know him more personally like to refer to him as a cranky old codger, a hermit or something even less flattering. Thankfully Tia will bring out his more playful and compassionate personality as things go along, but I can see how he may seem dull or flat at first. I should find a way to dial up his mysterious factor probably. It also doesn't help that dialog doesn't come naturally to me. Even I feel some conversations are too synthetic, unnatural or not believable. It's helpful to know which ones need the most work rather than me assuming I'm being overly critical. As for the dialect, Hamish was meant to be the most difficult to understand to emphasize how insulated, reclusive and less educated the bandit clan is from the surrounding society (which is both because of their career and some of their history). Euan will have this dialect as well in the beginning but will also work to speak in a way so he can be more easily understood as well. Of course, he will divert to his dialect in certain moments of anger, exhaustion or for the fun of people not understanding his insults. He enjoys his mischief. Your suggestion to not glaze over Allen's story is honestly a good idea, I think I'll come back and develop something. The history between Allen and Martin is a subplot I should preface a bit more. As always, I appreciate the feedback! I'm looking forward to hearing your reaction to the the other chapters (I will admit some are dryer or less filled out).