EBelt: First, I liked that you were able to add just a little bit of the characters personality in the way Tia described them when she met them. And I loved the very little bit of foreshadowing in this chapter. Floria calls Aldrich ‘Al’, who will appear again in Chapter 8. And Orin, who will appear at Assessments in Chapter 6. But I think the main thing that I really liked was the wedge you put between Tia and her dad. I think that will cause for some good character development, and probably interesting plot stuff later on. I also liked the conversation Tia had with Evelyn. It was sweet and gave us some information, but it did seem to drag just a bit near the end, but I did find the shapeshifter bit interesting, and I definitely want to find out more about that aspect of your magic system. So overall good chapter. I do wish you had maybe a little bit more court drama with Allen. Maybe he hears some rumors, or talks with Ambrose about something important. Maybe have a little bit of foreshadowing here for a future plot point. I just feel like you could do more with the court drama and give the plot a little bit more politically. That being said, I enjoyed the characters in this chapter. I’m looking forward to how they’ll play into the major plot. I did like how Duff came out to stop Evelyn from saying something important, and again, I loved how you set up that barrier between Tia and her dad. And I have been meaning to tell you this in previous reviews, but they were always too long, but overall just some advice. First, I know you’re still in the first act, and you’re still setting the stage at this point, but maybe a reason why the first chapter doesn’t exactly present Tia the way you want is because you haven’t established what she wants. Just some sample questions, but what does she want to find in this new land? What’s her goal? What is the ‘big thing’ that she wants? Establishing that could help make her seem more real and relatable, and giving her a goal to work towards would make her seem just a little less passive, since now the readers know what she wants, and it also helps set up the a little bit of the premise of the story. And secondly, be wary of your plot. Now, you most likely already have at least a majority of it planned out, or you have a pretty good idea of what you want it to be, but you have so many things going on. Magic systems, politics, characters and their character arcs. Now, it is totally okay to have a complex plot, and I love this plot, but just be careful not to overwhelm the reader with so much happening. And you really haven’t. It could be because you’re still in the first act and so not much has really been happening, but just don’t make a plot so complex that it leaves the reader confused.   LeeStepp: I have considered adding more to the drama/politics of the party. I suppose I've just hesitated because there is already so much dialogue and its already pretty long. I'll definitely consider adding more. Probably retrospectively when I cook up some more politics. This first book focuses primarily on the characters Tia is surrounded with, her transformation and then the dynamic between Allen, Ambrose and Martin. However, the second will be heavy with politics. I may just come back and add more here after developing these politics more. As for Tia... I guess I assumed she had enough going on without needing extra motivators but giving more for her to actively seek out may be a good idea. She has a lot changing for her and she mostly is just trying to cope with changes and she actively tries learning more/figuring things out as the story continues. But, perhaps I should give her something to actively work towards in the meantime before she joins the procession. I just worry about giving her too much to do. I think as the story continues, her goal of striving to establish real bonds with people becomes obvious but I shouldn't assume its obvious. Figuring out what she is/has become and forging bonds. I should figure out a way to indicate these as her goals. And yes, I do need to be careful of overcomplicating things. But , thankfully most of the complexity collides later into the plot and most of the middle plot will be mini adventures, character relationships and dodging in and out of antagonist traps. Thank you for helping me keep these perspectives in sight!   EBelt, I'm sorry! I was trying to reply to your comment on my phone, rather than laptop, and I believe I accidentally deleted your comment (entirely too instant and close together!) I'll see if there is a way to reverse deleting it. I did read it over and had a reply ready but I still want to apologize for being so careless! As for what you had said, I believe I was unclear about what I meant. I did actually mean giving Tia a mental/internal motivator as you suggested. More motivation than "get through this journey". I had hinted at her loneliness and desire for connections but as you suggested, I should make it more obvious right out the gate. It is helpful to know what is and isn't obvious when I have all of the information and background firmly in my own mind. And I suppose a secondary motivator of figuring out "what have I been turned into" should be a more active thing she is trying to manage. I think I had more typed up but, its hard to remember every point with the comment gone :/ But overall I appreciate the perspective and, again, I'm sorry!   EBelt: It's okay. I understand how that could happen. The delete and reply buttons are annoyingly close together. And I would copy my comment here, but it seems that I can't even remember what I commented.