EBelt: First, I really like the dialogue between Allen and King Ambrose. I like that the dialogue was informative, yet at the same time giving those hooks and barbs. And we were able to learn important things about this world, which is really good a writing skill. Telling your reader about this world you’ve created without directly telling them. And the rest of your character interactions have been really good. I did also enjoy the one with Allen and his mom. Same thing as the one with Ambrose. We learned something important. And this time not just about the world, but about the characters as well. And I’m glad to see that Mina is still having an effect on the story. And the interaction with Audrey and Evelyn. It shows maybe just a hint of what it’s like politically in your kingdom. And it shows Evelyn’s personality (I’m really starting to like her). However, the scene before that (the one where Tia is showing off her form), that exposition with Evelyn telling Tia about their family and all that. The part about the basic forms feels unneeded because do we really need to know the basic Minx form? Why couldn’t we just know Tia’s form? But it could be because that scene is almost entirely raw exposition without any of it weaved into the text “naturally” for lack of a better word. I’m really starting to like Tia. I feel like you’ve done a good job on her personality and really showing that she’s willing to try. However, I’m still not sure entirely what’s going on with her form. On the mountain, when her mom left her, she became this human made of water. Now, she can transform into a minx. Does her transforming into a minx have to do with the fact that now she’s a shapeshifter? Or was the water thing just like something else she can do? (This confusion for me is clarified in Chapter 5) And, Duff randomly appearing during Tia and Allen’s father daughter day was weird. Plain and simple. It’s totally fine that it’s in there. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just find it strange. Lastly, when Albert is teaching Tia about the magic, that was a lot at once. And my head hurts trying to remember it all. However, it was all very fascinating and interesting. This magic system is definitely complex, to say the least, and that’s not a bad thing. I think it’s cool that there’s so much to explore with the magic system, I just don’t want it to be too much that all of the magic overshadows the plot and the characters. Magic systems especially since this is a hard magic system should have hard, fast rules that the reader can understand. As well as integrate well into the plot without overshadowing it. I just want to make sure that the magic isn’t too much. But this chapter overall has been pretty good. There’s no major complaint from me, everything seems fine. Albert I don’t really have an option on yet, he seems like an okay guy. But I did like how you were able to add in some of his insecurities. Him not really liking his ability to remember everything which is good. Gives him a little bit of depth. But character interactions were good, weaving in that world building was great. And I am enjoying this story very much. (And this Lilith who the heck is she?!)   LeeStepp: I am glad the scene between Allen and Ambrose went smoothly, I had to go back to edit and shorten it several times as I do with a number of scenes. That's likely something the conversation about the Minx family still needs too by the sound of it. I decided to sketch up and add in a picture of a minx to cut down the description a bit, hopefully that helps. I'm hoping to add pictures where I can in general since that is a benefit of this platform but... well my art skills are limited. And I suppose the description of the 'minx family form' is important when talking about deceased members of the family later or Allen's little sister (Felicity) but it may actually be a better idea to insert this more casually. I suppose its just what I assumed Evelyn would do finding out how little Tia knows. She loves the family and wont hesitate to brag about their abilities. I'll still look into making the moment more natural, so thank you for bringing it to my attention! And yes, I suppose I didn't realize how confusing things might be with Tia and her abilities in the beginning. Tia doesn't have much outside information on it since Duff is so tight lipped and she didn't grow up with the same legends most Accians have. It is definitely not normal for someone to change their hereditary form, but what Tia is certainly isn't normal! I might try adding a line or two to signify it ISN'T an ordinary ability. Later, as she has more freedom to explore her ability (and the initiative to do so), she'll cycle through abilities she's collected quite rapidly and she'll gain more information about what she is in general so everything will be more obvious regarding what she can and cant do. But I should try to make things more distinct in the beginning if its causing confusion. Last, I can see how Albert's lesson can be a bit much. Albert himself has a tendency to ramble and speak in ways that can be too academic but I didn't consider how it makes digesting that information more difficult on the reader. Understanding who the Erlithmanil are and the backbone of the racial magic is necessary to understand the world, but I should go back and simplify/shorten it as well if its too much at once. Same as the 'minx' scene. I should probably convert the list into a picture diagram so the reader doesn't feel its necessary to fully read and remember it all. I've always enjoyed indexes and maps in books but I suppose its easier to quickly flip back to a certain page in a physical book than to try and remember/find the right article on here. I'd hate for anyone feel they HAVE to memorize it all at once. This definitely tells me I need to reconsider how Albert orients this and other lessons. Oh, and I'm glad Lillith is coming across as mysterious as I intended!