EBelt: Oh my gosh, I really like this chapter!! First, the interaction with Ghislaine and Morris, I loved. I thought everything about it was interesting, and there was clearly more to this conversation that met the eye, and then the king comes in and affirms it. I think the dialogue was really good. It wasn’t super stiff or awkward, but realistic. And I could definitely see a conversation like that happening. And I loved the interactions with Aldric and his friends when they found out what happened in the caves. And that was good dialogue. It was realistic and I can totally see a group of guys having that conversation. I loved that scene. I thought it was hilarious. Great job. However, the dialogue between Beatrice, Casimiro and the rest of the admin was a little stiff and very formal, but I also have no idea how close they are, so that could be completely natural. This was just an observation. And one more thing. Duff does seem like an interesting character. A mentor of some sorts for Tia, but I don’t know Duff very well, and that could be the mysteriousness that you want Duff to have. But in Chapter 2 and 3 when I first meet Duff he seemed stiff and awkward, then suddenly, about the time when Tia’s leaving for the procession it seems that he and Tia have grown much closer, and they act a little more like friends than two people who are forced to be together. I just wanted to point that little bit out. But I really did like this chapter. I thought it was so much fun. The dialogue was great. Descriptions weren’t bad. And I did like the little bit with Lillian, almost forgot about her. And it could be that I just haven’t reached this stage in your story yet, but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of culture. We have one cultural difference, which is people from Jokkon don’t show their magic, but that’s it. Personally, I think there should be more cultural differences, especially since each of the noble kids come from different regions. But again it could be that there are more cultural differences and it is just not shown in this stage of the book. Now, this has nothing to do with the story, but I was looking at your map and the place that represents the Chinese culture, Zhongguo. Did you know in Mandarin that actually means ‘China?’ But, yeah anyways, great chapter, and I’m definitely excited to read more!   LeeStepp: Yes this chapter was a lot of fun! The characters are far less reserved now that they are out of the capital and out of their families' watchful eyes. And yes, Duff is a bit of a difficult character to portray correctly and balancing out their relationship is a bit difficult for me in the beginning since in my own mind, they are already close. I think its easy to become close to someone when all of your thoughts and emotions are shared. But mysterious was definitely part of what I was going for. He is very deadpan and secretive by nature so its too easy for him to seem boring (plus he can be a grumpy old man at times). His sass is probably one of his only strong qualities in the beginning. On the note of culture, that is definitely something I need to develop and display more. I think that will become more apparent as they travel to new places and as I learn how to include descriptions better. It's in my head but getting it on paper is still very rough. And yes! Zhongguo is meant to be Emynea's China. I'm not 100% set on this name yet, as with all of the Chinese characters. I'm still working out if I want to use actual Chinses names or if I will make up something of my own. I'm sort of leaning towards using actual Chinese though Chinese names are quite complicated. Wu Zetian, Longwei and Shi Yang may or may not have their names changed because of this. I don't even have a surname set of Longwei yet! There will be more chapters, I have the next one partially written already, but the middle portion of the story isn't as well developed as the major plot points further in. It is easy for my mind to get hung up on the more critical moments. I need to put my D&D hat on and figure out what little misadventures would be fun and enriching for this part of the story! I'll also be editing, adding and restructuring the chapters I have posted already so don't be surprised if you see new scenes or alterations. Thank you so far for your insights, recommendations and well, reading my story at all!   EBelt: Of course! Reviewing and editing your story has been super fun for me too! And I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter! But I'm curious what do you find complicated about Chinese names? Is it the structure or the meanings?   LeeStepp: Looking into them and the traditions, there is just a lot that goes into it. When they were born, the year, the family, numerology. A lot more than English names for sure. I don't have my head fully wrapped around it to make anything permanent, not respectfully. I like most of my character's names to mean something but I also try to respect the cultures I'm basing things off of. Oh! And since I recently upgraded my account, I have discussion boards open now. Feel free to utilize them if you'd like! They may be more convenient than commenting.   EBelt: Oh, okay, yeah I understand that. And there is quite a bit that goes into a Chinese name. One of the reasons why I love the Chinese culture (and most East Asian countries.) I did notice the discussion boards. It just won't let me create a thread and I don't know why.   LeeStepp: It seems I hadn't set it up correctly at first but finally sat and watched the tutorial. There shouldn't be a problem starting threads now! And yes, Asian cultures are a lot of fun and will definitely have a lot of exposure in this story. I for one enjoy Mongolian and Japanese culture quite a bit but some of the more obscure cultures will be displayed in this world as well.   EBelt: Ah, I don't know much about those cultures actually. I am actually more into Chinese and Korean culture.