Taeral 16, Latharal, 404 AT: Memories, or Nightmares?

One of many excerpts from the Journal of Malanapakola Aohaila, this entry details her nightmares related to the death of her tribe.

Taeral 16, Latharal, 404 AT

I didn't sleep well last night. Another nightmare; sixth one this week. Incaina tries to comfort me when I wake up screaming. I don't know how to tell him this isn't a battle he can help me win.
Maybe chronicling these nightmares will help me parse them. Let's give it a shot.
Last night, I was back in Kothoya. I was eating with Ewa and Ewi. Maloca was there, too. Ewa had cooked up some river carp with fresh greens from the garden. I was happy.
Then, as he always does, Decante arrived. It started with screams, then the fire went out and there was blood everywhere and Ewa and Ewi and Maloca were in pieces across the chak. Decante was there, and he kissed me again. I could taste Ewi's blood on his lips. He smiled and said what he always says and I couldn't do a thing, just like that night.
Does getting to see my family again justify having to watch them die each time?

-Malana