The Lambda Edition Drink

I want something tasty that hits like a truck. A fruity drink with a flavor I can enjoy, but strong enough to put a seasoned sailor on his ass.

— Allison

Every so often, you have one of 'those' days. You know, the kind that takes active anger or stress management to deal with. It is the type of day that makes you consider murder, arson, grand larceny, or some other felony, or you just... can't. The type of day that you cling to one of your vices.
If your vice is drinking, and your regular drink of choice just won't cut it, Lambda suggests drowning your problems in a solution, namely, alcohol. Enter: The Lambda Edition Drink (L.E. for short).
The premise is simple: take a drink, any drink. Mixed drinks get the point across a bit better. All you have to do is essentially replace the standard alcohol with whatever top-shelf/expensive/well-aged variant there is. Make it imported, expensive, maybe a bit fancy, but most of all, make it strong.
Want a shot of whisky? Your drink goes from red label to blue label, or find a sort that has been aged 20 years.
Does your mixed drink need Tequila? Trade the standard fare for something that you always hear about in music. Now outclass that by 2 magnitudes. Pick the one with the eye-watering price. 
Is it healthy? Of course not! Is it a better alternative to a felony? Unless you plan on committing a different felony, probably. Will you regret it in the morning? Almost certainly. Will that stop you now? Maybe. The only impediment is your wallet, and if you're Lambda then that doesn't seem to be an issue either.

What's the Lambda Edition?
It means I used the strongest versions available of any included alcohol.

— Allison and Jesse