The Kingdom of Ahnkleffleebdloodle

Written by Dark Matter

The Founding of Ahnkleffleebdloodle

By Flyx Amarante

The kingdom of Ahnkleffleebdloodle has a long history of prosperity, tragedy, peril, and raspberry trifles. The world around this noble country has changed, the tides of war have fallen and risen, kingdoms have thrived, and kingdoms have descended into ruin, but throughout the centuries Ahnkleffleebdloodle has remained steadfast and, for the most part, neutral. Delving back through old scrolls into the mists of time, when the Murkmen still roamed the muddy clumps of the Farmarsh, there lived a majestic and glorious queen whose name was Coddiwomple. As a young maiden growing up in the icy, mountainous tundra, Coddiwomple dreamed of better, warmer places. Many long hours spent thawing jugbug juice and warming her toes by the crackling fire had taught Coddiwomple that the monotonous life of the mountain fork was not for her. She knew she was destined for an Adventure beyond her knowledge. So it was, several years later, that Furphy the Bard found her (Furphy the Bard had an unfortunate tendency to send people on long, disappointing quests from which they never returned and, incidentally, from which he was able to create tragic ballads, explaining their eternal absence.) Coddiwomple, by now, had grown to be a strong, grave, and regal maiden who possessed a gentle heart that was loved by many. Anyway, so it was that Furphy the Bard found our queen on a snow-laden mountainside, reading a book. “What's up?” asked Furphy, enigmatically. Coddiwomple thought long and hard over this existential question before reaching a conclusion. Sadly, we will never know what her conclusion was, because she simply shrugged instead. The very, very long story short, (because Furphy didn't believe in the conservation of words) is that Furphy convinced Coddiwomple that there existed, far to the south, a prosperous land, full of knowledge, culture, and commerce. Coddiwomple knew, deep down inside of her philosophical mind, that this was the Adventure for which she was destined. So, with only her trusty sword named Bimble, a jar of very frozen jugbug juice, and Furphy's tales whirling through her mind, Coddiwomple was dubbed a “Mish-in-airy” by Furphy and began her long journey south to this unknown land. Many, many leagues later, Coddiwomple arrived at her searched-for destination. It was sandy and dry and hot. But in the eyes of Coddiwomple, it was perfect. This began the building of the kingdom we now know as Ahnkleffleebdloodle. Furphy the Bard went on to live to a ripe old age, ironically dying after someone told him of a river that held magical capabilities while forgetting to mention the oversized spike-leeches lurking beneath the surface. But, alas, he never heard from Coddiwomple again before his death and sadly concluded that she must have died, fighting bravely with Bimble until she was struck down. This tragic tale of Codiwomple's disappearance and death earned Furphy many gifts of thanks, given among tears. To this day, there is a legend of a runaway maiden that floats around the harsh lands of the North. Historians will forever debate who this maiden truly was but the historians of Ahnkleffleebdloodle have only to look to the roots of their own kingdom to know how things really went.

A Glimpse of the Ahnkleffleebdloodlian Culture

By Flyx Amarante

The culture of Ahnkleffleebdloodle has always been one of philosophy and trade. It largely thrived as a merchant kingdom and, no matter the feuds and wars that arose between other countries, it has mostly kept to its own matters and maintained open trade to all. Though in the past Ahnkleffleebdloodle has at times been accused of being too whimsical or having its head stuck in the clouds, it has long been respected for its wisdom, its thinkers, and the fine quality of its goods which consist of everything from cloth to spices and, of course, their famous raspberry trifles. Many skilled craftsmen and craftswomen dwelt in Ahnkleffleebdloodle, such that it was said if all the Ahnkleffleebdloodians worked together for a week straight, they could even create a machine which carried people through the sky, enabling air-travel. Alas, before air-travel could happen, though, The Great Bumptious Plague (also known as TGBP or “Tug-Bop”, for the sake of ease) struck the kingdom of Ahnkleffleebdloodle, decimating its inhabitants. After Tug-Bop died down, it left in its wake a desolate and strangely quiet kingdom. Those who had survived began to salvage the remains of their lives. The unfortunate bit is that 50% of the survivors were philosophers who had stayed in their libraries and studies the entire time, oblivious to the entirety of Tug-Bop, and who continued to stay in their libraries and studies after Tug-Bop had run its course. So it was, that when the grand and glorious Flyx Amarante came along, the people were ecstatic to have him as their leader. They crowned him their benevolent King of Ahnkleffleebdloodle and he began his reign, uniting them in rebuilding their devastated kingdom.