PM1 pt.02} Pets

gardenGnostic played by Kiwi, carcinoGeneticist played by Link, gallowsCalibrator played by Jiro, notoriousVisionary played by Leng, moonlitTagger played by Kiwi, arachnidsGrip played by Link
 
gardenGnostic [GG] has begun responding to this memo
GG: Hey guys um weird question but does anyone have any pets??
CG: I HAVE MANY, *MANY* PET PEEVES. BUT NO PETS. WHY?
GC: 1 DONT H4V3 4NY
GC: WHY >:?
GG: Well I kind of wanted to start a pet watching service hehe :3
GG: i really like animals and i thought it might be nice to watch then since i cant afford to have any
CG: YOU CAN WATCH ME DEVOLVE INTO AN ANIMALISTIC RAGE, IF YOU WANT.
CG: THOUGH MOST PEOPLE DO THAT FOR FREE.
GG: no karkat i need the money
GG: bluh, i shouldnt have said that its really not that big of a deal
GG: ill just make some posters or something
CG: PUT UP AN ADVERT ON INSTAGRUB OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW.
CG: IF I GET TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAS A PET, I'LL DIRECT THEM YOUR WAY.
CG: THOUGH I DON'T REALLY TALK TO ANYONE.
CG: ANYONE WHO OWNS A PET, I MEAN. I TALK TO *SO MANY* PEOPLE. REAL SOCIAL BUTTERFLY TYPE.
GG: yeah ill have to do that i guess
GG: i just figured a lot of people are on here
GG: if i stay here long enough someones bound to have a pet right :D
CG: I MEAN, YEAH, SURE, I GUESS.
CG: BUT DON'T PEOPLE HAVE PETS SO THAT THEY CAN, YOU KNOW, *HAVE* THEM?
CG: I FEEL LIKE GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO KEEP YOUR PET FOR YOU IS A LITTLE COUNTER-INTUITIVE.
CG: THERE'LL ALWAYS BE STUPID PEOPLE, THOUGH, SO IT'S NOT A TOTALLY DEAD MARKET.
GG: well id only watch them if someone had to go away
GG: mostly itll be on weekends
CG: WHAT? WHERE COULD SOMEONE POSSIBLY HAVE TO GO DURING THE *WEEKEND* OF ALL TIMES
CG: LIKE, YEAH, OKAY, TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE'S DOG OR MOUSE OR BEETLE WHILE THEY'RE AT WORK MAKES SENSE. BUT ON THE WEEKEND?
CG: YOU'VE LOST ME.
GG: like a date or out with friends
GG: or a vacation
CG: OH.
CG: YEAH, I FIGURED YOU MEANT THAT.
GG: I just stay home on the weekends anyway and there are pets to be watched!!
CG: YEAH, ME TOO.
CG: THOUGH I WOULDN'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO LOOK OVER SOMEONE'S STUPID PET.
CG: GOOD ON YOU, THOUGH, I GUESS.
GG: well you dont have the patience for much of anything so you ;p
CG: NO, NOT REALLY.
CG: BUT ESPECIALLY NOT PETS. FUCK PETS.
CG: PETS ARE JUST STUPID PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE TO FEED AND CLEAN UP THE SHIT OF.
CG: IF I WANTED THAT, I'D JUST HANG OUT WITH ERIDAN. BUT I DON'T WANT THAT. NOBODY WANTS THAT.
GG: karkat dont compare pets to eriden! eriden is weird and pets are nice and people actually enjoy spending time with them
GG: pets are so nice and they keep people from being lonely
GG: and they are super cute!! :3
CG: PETS AREN'T "NICE." PETS ARE HUNGRY. SO THEY ANNOY YOU AND PISS EVERYWHERE UNTIL YOU FEED THEM. THEY'RE *JUST* LIKE ERIDAN.
GG: no!!!
GG: they love you and cuddle you and give you kisses!!
CG: YOU DON'T NEED TO BE KEPT FROM BEING LONELY. BEING LONELY IS FINE. IT'S GREAT, EVEN. BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE TO PISS AND SHIT AND GENERALLY JUST BE AN AMPORA.
GG: ;3;
GG: pets are great maybe you just need to get one
notoriousVisionary [NV] has started responding to memo.
NV: (:}
GG: hey nv
GG: :3
NV: heey gg
NV: (:}
GG: do you have any pets?
NV: suuree loots
GG: oh :D
GG: do you by chance need a pet sitter?
NV: ooh waaiit hoold uup iim uuh.. iim noot suuree iim coomftooraablee wiith thaat quueestiioon iis thaat liikee soomee kiindaa.. eer liikee hoow doo ii eeveen saay thiis?
GG: someone to watch your pets while your away and stuff
NV: ooh ookaay thaat stiill dooeesnt maakee seensee buut iits waay leess straangee feeliing
GG: I'm sorry I dont understand?
NV: ookaay soo liikee hoow caan ii haavee peets buut noot bee theeree? liikee iis thiis liikee aa vooyeeuur thiing aand iim miissuundeerstaandiing? liikee ii doont caaree iif yoouu waatch mee geet peets oor aanythiing iits juust kiindaa neew iid haavee too cheeck wiith luu fiirst ii gueess
GG: .....
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE.
CG: SHE DOESN'T MEAN *THAT* KIND OF PET.
GG: I'm um
CG: SHE MEANS LIKE, THE LITTLE FURRY MINION KIND OF PET.
GG: oh god
NV: ooooooooooooh!
NV: ooh woow ookaay ii foorgoot thoosee eexeeiist
gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased responding to this memo
NV: my baad maan
CG: UGH. GREAT. WHOOP DEE FUCKING DO.
NV: ii diidnt juust kiil yoouur coonvoo diid ii?
CG: OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
CG: IN FACT, NOW THAT SHE'S GONE, MY CONVERSATION WITH HER CAN *TRULY* BEGIN.
CG: SARCASM. OBVIOUSLY. OF COURSE YOU KILLED THE FUCKING CONVERSATION YOU RAGING DUNDERHEAD.
NV: lool
NV: foor aa seec theeree ii thoouught yoouu weeree braagiing aaboouut dmiing heer
NV: liikee gooood foor yoouu maan
NV: buut noo iit waas juust saarcaasm booriing
CG: UGH. THE ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE THIS MEMO WORSE WOULD BE IF *SHE* JOINED.
NV: ii coouuld maakee iit woorsee iif ii waanted buut thaat soouunds liikee woork
NV: soo whaat haavee yoouu beeeen uup too shoouuty?
CG: SHOUTING MOSTLY. AND BEING LECTURED.
CG: SURPRISINGLY, MOSTLY THE LATTER. MY BEFORAN COUNTER PART IS *THE WORST*. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
moonlitTagger [MT] has started responding to the memo
MT: the fucks up party people?
NV: heeh heeh whaat hee leectuuriing yoouu oon thiis tiimee?
NV: heey mt
MT: Hey NV
MT: also bumern CG lectures are shirn
CG: I CAN'T TELL IF YOUR INFURIATING PRESENCE JUST BOILED MY THINKPAN INTO A GOOEY PASTE, OR IF THAT ACTUALLY MADE NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER.
CG: I'M INCLINED TO BELIEVE THAT IT'S BOTH.
NV: ii wiish yoouud taalk too mee liikee thaat (;}
MT: woah that's uh that's kinda spldjicy
CG: I HATE IT HERE.
CG: I HATE THIS MEMO AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR.
CG: I HATE ALL THE SINGLE-DIGIT-IQ CRYPTSKULLS THAT AIMLESSLY ROAM THESE CHATROOMS WITH NO PURPOSE OTHER THAN TO PISS ME OFF.
MT: damn dude soungs like you gid some isseuws
NV: doont liisteen too hiim mt hee loovees iit heeree
NV: hee dooeesnt haatee stuuff haalf aas muuch aas hee saays hee dooees saadly
CG: YEAH. I HATE THEM *TWICE* AS MUCH AS I SAY I DO.
CG: WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE SEETHING DISCONTENT I FEEL WHEN I AM IN YOUR FUCKING PRESENCE, NV.
NV: lool suure maan whaateeveer yoouu saay
MT: should I hive you two some proguey
MT: like yall doing some troll elromance shit
NV: yoouu coouuld buut iit woouuldnt doo aany gooood
CG: NO, WHAT THE FUCK. THERE IS NO INTENTIONAL BLACKROM GOING ON HERE.
CG: I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT NV'S INTENTIONS ARE.
CG: BUT I WASN'T GOING FOR THAT SORT OF THING.
CG: IT'S NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION OR ANYTHING, IT'S JUST NOT WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
NV: fuuck maan ii doont eeveen knoow whaat my iinteentiioons aaree
MT: i donte nknow
MT: seems prey fishy
NV: truust mee theerees noothiing eeveen haalf thaat iinteereestiing gooiing oon iin thiis meemoo riight noow
MT: I mean I ain't a troll sooo ifk
NV: soomee tiimees ii eenvy huumaans yoouu knoow? goot waay leess shiit too woorry aaboouut theen aagaaiin theey aalsoo looook fuunny soo theen ii chaangee my miind
MT: we look funny??
MT: you guys gott fucking hwiers
NV: yeeaah liittlee freeaaky ngl
MT: howd you seleeps
NV: reeaall fuuckiing weell ii guueess hoow yoouu sleeeep wiithoouut eem?
MT: dont they'd get in the wysys
NV: poooor liittlee freeaaky thiing ii kiindaa feeeel baad piickiing oon yoouu noot liikee yoouu caan heelp iit
MT: damnsw
NV: lool
NV: soo whaat doo yoouu doo aall daay wiith yoouur freeaaky seelf?
MT: get stoned washed tv
NV: aah aa maan oof taastee
NV: keeeep uup thee gooood woork
MT: I'm a weeooman
NV: whoo caarees huumaan weeeeoooomaan whaats thee diifeereencee lool
MT: lol
NV: (;}
MT: ;p
NV: (;p
MT: ;)
NV: (:o
MT: ;0
NV: (;c
MT: ;>
NV: (;J
MT: ;]
NV: (:D
MT: SMILEY FACES
NV: ooh shiit noot suuree ii caan toop thaat oonee (:U
MT: hehe
NV: proolly foor thee beest waas aaboouut too staart reecycliing
NV: aand noo oonee waants thaat
NV: shiit ii thiink wee gooood viibeed screeaamy oouut too deeaath
NV: ngl iimaa miiss hiis screeeechiing buut aall gooood thiings goottaa eend oor soomee shiit
MT: yeah I guess we did
NV: wee deeseervee aa meetaal or soomee shiit
NV: laast suurviivoors oof thee smiily waars
MT: hehehe yeah the fuckibg best metawle
NV: iits liikee eengraaveed wiith graavees foor aall thoosee whoo aareent uus
NV: soo wee caan reemeembeer whoo too moock
MT: hehehehe
CG: YOU DIDN'T "VIBE ME OUT", JACKASS. I WAS DOING SOMETHING. SHUT UP.
MT: awe dideee
CG: YES, YES, I KNOW. YOU'RE BOUNDING WITH GLEE NOW THAT I'VE RETURNED. GET IT ALL OUT.
MT: you're kinda unchill tho
MT: ever thought of chikking?
CG: CHIKKING? WHAT?
CG: IS THAT A BULLSHIT HUMAN PRACTICE?
MT: *chlillin, sorry I'm so.fucking mpumtian rn
NV: aaww hee reeaad thee chaat hee miisseed uus whiilee hee waas viibeed oouut
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began responding to the memo.
NV: yoouu doont goottaa bee shy
GC: H1 >:]
CG: THANK GOD, SOMEONE I ONLY PARTIALLY HATE.
CG: HI, TEREZI.
GC: H3Y K4RK4T
NV: doont woory shoouuty ii goot yoouur naamee eengraaveed oon my meetaal ii woont foorgeet yoouur saacriifiicee too thee smiily waars
MT: Haha loo
CG: THE ONLY THING I SACRIFICED WAS THE FOOD I WAS COOKING. SHITTY FUCKING OVEN DECIDED THAT *NOT* BEING ON FIRE WASN'T ITS THING ANY MORE.
CG: I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE PLANET'S FINEST ASSHOLE GALLERY IS IN TOWN.
CG: AND BY "IN TOWN", I MEAN "RIGHT HERE, IN THIS VERY FUCKING MEMO".
NV: fooood buurneed caauusee yoouu haad too staaree aat aasses? thaat soouunds aaboouut riight knoowiing yoouu
GC: OH >:?
NV: ooh heey cg
CG: DON'T LISTEN TO NV'S HOOFBEASTSHIT. HE'S THE *WORST*.
MT: hahahahhaa oh my god epic
CG: "EPIC"? WHIPPING OUT THE PRE-MERGE LINGO I SEE.
CG: WHAT ARE YOU, TWO?
CG: TWO SWEEPS, I MEAN.
GC: K4RK4T N3V3R S4Y L1NGO 3V3R 4G41N. N3V3R
CG: WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH THE WORD "LINGO"? IT'S A NICE WORD
NV: loovee yoouu too maan whaat woouuld ii doo wiithoouut yoouu aand yoouur aass oobseervaance?
GC: 1TS L1K3,, OLD 34RTH SL4NG >:o
MT: hahahah yes NV this is grest
CG: OH MY GOD. IT IS *NOT* "OLD EARTH SLANG". LINGO IS A PERFECTLY GOOD, MODERN WORD, THAT HAS A PLACE IN MY VOCABULARY.
CG: WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN USE INSTEAD OF "LINGO"?
CG: "WORDS"? THAT'S STUPID.
GC: L4NGU4G3
NV: hees goot aa pooiint
NV: (;}
CG: UGH. NO. DON'T JUST SAY "LANGUAGE" ON ITS OWN LIKE THAT.
CG: REMINDS ME OF A CERTAIN RED-SWEATERED NOOKMUNCHER WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE USE OF STANDARD FUCKING VOCABULARY.
NV: lool
GC: H3H3H3H
GC: L4NGU4G3, K4RK4T
MT: hah someone been telling you not to sewy poty wordsss
CG: GOD, I HATE IT HERE. THIS GENUINELY FEELS LIKE MY PERSONAL HELL AT THIS POINT. YOU PEOPLE ALL SERIOUSLY BLOW.
CG: BUT NOT IN *THAT* WAY, UGH! SHUT UP.
NV: whaat maan yoouu thiink yoouur speeciiaal eenoouugh foor yoouur oown peersoonaal heell? taalk aaboouut eegoo
CG: I DIDN'T THINK THAT. UNTIL I MET YOU.
GC: >:o
NV: flaatteereer
NV: buut iivee seeeen whaat aa peersoonaal heell looooks liikee maan ii aaiint iit foor yoouu iim suuree
NV: thoouugh heey ii wiish ii waas
NV: yoouu waanaa knoow whaat iits reeaally liikee hiit mee uup ii knoow wheeree too fiind iit
CG: I DON'T NEED TO KNOW. BECAUSE I *ALREADY* KNOW.
CG: YOU'RE THE WORST. *THIS* IS THE WORST.
NV: noo duudee yoouu haavee noo fuuckiing iideeaa
CG: I HAVE MORE IDEAS THAN YOUR SHRIVELED THINKPAN COULD EVER COMPREHEND.
CG: AT LEAST IT CAN'T *POSSIBLY* GET ANY MORE MISERABLE IN HERE.
arachnidsGrip [AG] has started responding to memo.
CG: FUCK.
AG: Hello! I see Karkat's causing the same whiny trou8le as usual. ::::)
GC: H1 VR1SK4 >:/
AG: Scourge sisteeeeeeeer! How have you 8een????????
GC: 1V3 B33N GOOD HOW 4BOUT YOU >:?
AG: I've 8een pretty good! I feel so energised and FREEEEEEEE! Or, at least, I did feel that way, until I read slightly up and was reminded of the fact that I share a species with Karkat Vantas.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. I'M GOING TO BE THE BIGGER TROLL AND STEP THIS ONE OUT.
CG: I'M GOING TO EAT MY STUPID BULLSHIT DINNER CEREAL WITH NOTHING BUT MY RESONANT INNER THOUGHTS TO KEEP ME COMPANY.
CG: I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HORRIFICALLY IMMOLATED. FUCK YOURSELVES.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased responding to memo.
AG: That didn't take long at all! I was almost looking forward to hearing more of his 8itchy 8ullshit. Except, not really.
GC: S1GH GU3SS H3S GON3 NOW
NV: weell theeree hee gooees waas fuun whiilee iit laasteed
MT: by ubxhil dudw
NV: yoouur haandlee maakees mee miildy uuncoomftoorablee aag
AG: That is gr8 news! ::::)
AG: Mild discomfort at my presence is nearly an appropri8 response. Though, I really think you should 8e more afraid than that.
NV: naa juust miild juust leetiing yoouu knoow iif ii iignooree yoouu iits noot aanythiing too doo wiith yoouu aat aal
MT: I'm getting sleepy I think its nape time night night
NV: laateer mt
NV: weeaar yoouur meetaal wiith priidee maan yoouu eeaarneed iit
moonlitTagger [MT] has ceased responding to this memo
NV: soorry diidnt meeaan too huurt yoouur feeeeliings
NV: (:{
 

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