T0day I am a Failure

Today I am a failure. I am a failure because I could not protect Her Ladyship from capture. I am a failure for not getting to Lord Ramsey in time to prevent his death, even though Graceful Elowyn brought him back to life. I am a failure at being a guardian, a failure for not staying with Her Ladyship when she needed me most. I am a failure and even if the latter of those things was beyond my control, I still feel that I must blame myself.
 
Because I am a monster. Because I am useless, inattentive, and weak.
 
Weak because I cannot protect the people I care about. Weak because it should have been me to fall. It is my duty to be the shield, the impassable wall that defends all. The undefeatable protector that slaughters evil and smites the wicked. But I could not, I did not, and the failure is my burden to bear. I do not deserve Her Ladyship's kindness and generosity. I do not deserve Miss Violet's affection. I do not deserve to forgive myself. I have one more reason to dislike my existence.
 
All I can do is make sure it never happens again. That I stand in for the people I care about when they would otherwise suffer grievous wounds. That I seek penance from the gods and from those I have failed. Today I am a failure. I do not like this feeling. I do not want to be one ever again. And if I shall fall in battle, I want to do so knowing that it was for a good cause, that it is while protecting others, the only thing I am supposed to be good at. I should not exist. I should have died and stayed dead from what those necromancers did to me. Instead I live. I suffer. I frighten others and I bleed less often than I should. In their names and in the names of the gods, I ask for punishment--and if not punishment, then atonement, for to ask for forgiveness is to place the burden of my mistakes, my transgressions.
 
For I am a failure.
 
Seraphina Blumenkrantz the Useless
 
*Tears have stained the page*