Secrets

Alain's dead.
 
I'm not angry, though to be honest I wasn't expecting to be. I'd kind of hoped I would be, maybe as some vain confirmation that I cared or something, but nope. But I do feel...weird. Sort of unsettled, like I can't sit still or think about anything else, and there's this hollow feeling in my gut that's been there for a while now. The ants are back, worse than ever, but I'm pretty sure they aren't causing this. I keep thinking about it, trying to figure out how I could've done something more, something better, but no matter how hard I try I just keep going in circles.
 
I didn't really know him well. Secretive guy. Only learned earlier today that he could turn into a ghost - poked his head through a wall and scared the shit out of me. Then when we cornered and finished off one of the doctors in Delacroix's house, he just...ran through the nearest wall. That was the last time I saw him alive. I was too injured to do anything, so I called for help and hoped the boys would get there in time. Sat there being tended by the maid just...worrying, completely useless and hoping I did good. But in the end it didn't matter. Not even sure if it was my fault or not, or if knowing would be better or worse.
 
I don't know.
 
I don't know.
 
The others got roughed up pretty badly too, already being tended to when I finally got over there, so I at least got that right. Then my skin decided to peel off my fingers, and this time of all times the others noticed. I honestly thought that Nathaniel would arrest me then and there, and...and I'm not sure what I would've done if he had. Instead Alistair pulled out the same weird scales I'd made during the fight - well sort of, not exactly the same but still similar - and Nathaniel said he had something similar but to do with his soul instead of his body. So, both of them are...kind of like me, and from what they've said Alain probably was too. Our new boss was pretty cryptic, as usual, so nothing useful out of him just yet.
 
Now we're just sitting around waiting for Delacroix to get back so we can arrest the twat for everything he's done. I'm going to knock at least one of his teeth out. For Alain.
 
I think I'll go and get a healer's kit. Could've used it earlier.
 
Might help make sure this never happens again.