I am finding it difficult to sleep. Gaelyn told us that the journal had a cost to it's eventual benefit, but even on nights I do not read it I dream of my death. At least when I read from the journal I do not remember the dream. I fear when I have finished the book I will remember my nightmares. Twice now my life has been snuffed out, and twice it was returned because of the sacrifice of a friend. First, Yuna nearly killed herself to see me brought back. And now I believe that Ella has further cemented her connection to the Seliar by allowing her to manifest to bring me back. My mortality weighs heavily on me. Grandfather use to often tell Hinata and I how we must be as a dragon. But, I know of no dragon who fears its end. I fear mine. I have yet to find Hinata and make peace in the two years since she left. I have yet to bring honor back to my grandfather's legacy after the shame of the original Company. I have yet to forge my own path in this world. I fear I am too weak to do so. I once prided myself on my power coming from my training. The result of my hard work and dedication to the lessons instilled in me by the White Dragon of Shuwen. And yet I have fallen twice. Twice I was not strong enough. Twice I was saved by the sacrifice of others. And I cannot help but wonder if both of my survivals are the result of the Taurini's work. Perhaps I still live only because I am meant to help usher Ella to her destiny and once I have fulfilled my part in that story I shall die my true death. I only hope I am able to tell Hinata I am sorry before then. And that I bring no more shame to my family.

I never would have believed that descending a flight of stairs could be so utterly frustrating.

Jich is a strange place. Their way of the martial arts is as foreign to me as anything else I've seen during my travels. It seems to me they overly focus on the word art, and expect the martial to be there when it is needed. I cannot deny the grace of their form, but blind faith that it will hold up when violence finds them seems a poor approach to me. Grandfather use to say: "A weapon cannot be forged without hammer and anvil." And so I cannot see how avoiding a snake can create a better martial artist. I do not begrudge or belittle their belief. I simply cannot fathom ever sharing them. In truth, their culture as a whole is one that I feel the most disharmony with. Eadamos and Eylssa both had core tenants of their people that I could identify with, even if as a whole I felt a stranger to their ways. While Shuwen celebrates its own philosophers, I believe the Jich place far too much value on simply arguing different points for no reason. At least their difference of religious opinion seems less prone to violence than it does in other kingdoms. I'll never understand the antagonistic nature of religion. Each religion seems set that their god is the pinnacle. And yet, if one of the gods was in fact greater than the others they would have risen above the rest. Further, why do people feel the need to defend deities? Do the gods lack the power to defend their own honor? What use do they have for indignations and squabbles of mortals over which is more divine?

Much has happened in a short amount of time. We have secured the Empress' reign enough for her to win her own civil war. And been rewarded once again for our work as we are all now Imperial Knights with her favor. Exploring our estates continues to be a journey from some adventurer's tale. Angry dryads, Seliar possession, haunted manors, and hidden slave trades. The Order of the Dragon continues to present itself as a worrisome mess but the most recent branch's approach of us at least showed respect. The journey to Mithron has been filled with events. From the Genyosha still tracking us to Ilisar's surprise interest if even for just a night. I'm not sure how she feels about it. Or even how I do. The night was enjoyable, either way. I feel more comfortable with the Company as a whole. Gaelyn and Ilisar have been the easiest for me to get along with. Maram and Ezra are very different from me and that makes interacting with difficult for me at times. Though I have endeavored to be more open minded and receptive to how they view life. I still occasionally feel a prickliness from Ella, but I also think that's mostly just how I view certain words over anything else. And she has made for an informative sparring partner on our journey, though I feel concern for her over this....possession? Sickness? Infection? Gaelyn seems confidant he can fix it. I hope he keeps an even mind and doesn't rush it because of the feelings they have clearly developed. But, all of the Company will stand with him in the search to help her. Though it is a weakness in our armor I fear our curse might be able to use .

We move ever steadily towards the Empress in a bid to safeguard her from the Genyosha and rebels. Meeting with one of her surviving soldiers, we learned of her general location and her current plan for returning to the Empire. I took notice of two shinobi watching us but they were aware I spotted them and withdrew. They have not made an appearance since. As we pushed pass the Elyssan border to meet up with the Empress and her remaining guards, we stayed over in a small village. What I assumed would be a quiet night has opened old wounds for Ezra, I believe. Through a fabric being used by a woman in this village he discovered the fate of his parents. It seems what he was told about their demise was false and they had deviated from their planned journey. Unfortunately they were struck down by poisoned throwing stars of the Genyosha. They say there is no anger like that of a righteous man. I am uncertain how righteous the self-proclaimed paladin of the Mother is, and what his goddess will allow as his answer to this clan. But, I shall stand with him through it. And if we are to set ourselves against the shinobi, we shall ensure they are not given a second chance to avoid their fate.

These Pillars of Fire are a strange training regime but I determined to best them. I can feel something on the edges of my spiritual sense when I fall into the rhythm of the exercise. I think it is still beyond my limits to complete but breaking our limits is a core philosophy of the martial arts. There is a small part of me that feels guilty. It would seem that the Empress has been betrayed, her most loyal servants killed or captured. Had we continued on our journey north we might have been in a better position to aid her. As it stands we have decided to support her as a group and will travel to find her now. Ezra seems to agree it's the right thing to do though I feel Ella is still conflicted. While her ancestors were defeated and annexed, it is not the Empire's fault they are losing their culture. And these rebels have orchestrated the deaths of civilians for their cause while betraying their oaths. They are without honor. While I would have stood by my word and support the party even if they decided to ignore or go against the Empress, I am glad our group selected the more honorable path. Though, this exiled Shinobi clan worries me. We will need to become ever vigilant against their attentions once our loyalties are made public.

I am beginning to suspect that the lands deeded to us by the Empress are more than what they seem. Whether this was the Empress' intention or it is more of this 'coincidence' that seems to keep happening to us, I am not sure. Ella's manor once served some secret dragon cult it would seem. I do wonder what happened to the former owners as all of their belongings were still locked up. The hidden room is made for some sort of magical rituals that Gaelyn seems excited about and the former owners left behind a few various magic trinkets that the rest of the Company spread amongst themselves. I wonder if they served a Celestial Dragon or something else pretending to be one. Ilisar's vacationing lodge on the other hand forwent mysterious rooms and items for mysteriously enhanced beasts that appear every half a dozen years or so. Some young man fell to the creature, but we were able to save his fiancé. She was hysterical when we found her in the woods, and upon Gaelyn's suggestion I knocked her unconscious to more easily return her to safety. An act not approve by either the girl or members of my party. Yuna, especially, was uncharacteristically unhappy with my actions. We plan to seek out the creature's lair once Gaelyn awakes after staying up all night studying its corpse. I wonder what the other 4 estates will hold once we finish our hunt.

The Hidden One has been dealt with for the immediate future, which is good considering I believe we are walking into an already dangerous situation. A situation that I feel my companions do not take seriously. Much like they did not seem to take the Hidden One seriously before he finally faced us in combat. I'm not sure if their attitudes are the result of overconfidence in their abilities or simply a disinterest in their own survival. I worry they do not take certain things as seriously as they should and instead forage ahead without thought. This "adventure" has seen me killed once already had it not been for Yuna's intervention. An act that nearly cost her own life. And it does feel as if none care about how close we both were in those moments to being gone forever. Our group seemed to believe in the wisdom of killing the Elyssans who had surrendered to us after freeing Ella. But, also seemed to balk at the actual act themselves. So, I took it upon myself to see it done. Killing men in such a way is not honorable, but they were murderers and rapists who would have gladly killed us instead. It shames me how Kendra looked at me afterwards all the same. I believe she is a good person in her heart, and so I wonder what that says about me. Perhaps this is simply who I am. I have learned of the disgraces of my grand father. My father himself, would not be considered a good man by most. Perhaps my journey is simply showing that I too am of their stock. I've warned the others about the threat we are walking into, but they continue to be dismissive. We have overcome all we have faced in our journey so far....except for my near death. So perhaps they simply view that as a price they have no qualms about paying. Perhaps I am simply here to bleed and die and be discarded when I am no longer useful. I wonder if this will be the last time I preserve my thoughts.

The Empress certainly rewards work done in her name. I wonder at the irony of being presented with a monastery that was created for disgraced legionnaires. Perhaps this Empress simply has a sense of humor. The party seems set on following through on the matter of the crown but refuse to act as assassins. Perhaps I am pessimistic, but I feel any attempt on retrieving the crown will involve a heavy amount of violence on our part. And I worry the Hidden One will make his presence known as a critical moment during such an attempted retrieval. Other than a brief interaction with Ilisar after mine and Ella's failed duel with the twins, I do not feel a connection to the members of this Company. Perhaps I am to blame for that. I worry my anger at feeling like my fate is being manipulated has extended to my interactions with them. Or perhaps we are simply not compatible individuals. Either way, I will endeavor to do better each day. Such was I trained, such do I live.

I grow weary of this kingdom. I do not feel comfortable with our service to this Empress. While I believe she shows potential in the Great Game, I do not feel comfortable with the men carrying out her will. Legionnaires, while off duty, specifically went looking for trouble and disobeyed the orders passed down from her decree. They then butchered civilians being magically manipulated. Which will now most certainly bring further violence.. And when called out for their mistake they attempted to incite me to violence so that they may justifiably attempt to strike me down as well. My grandfather use to ask me: "What use has a dragon for the opinion of sheep?" His lesson, I believe, was that those with power need not worry themselves with the concerns or opinions of those they rule over. But, i have come to belive that to be honorable is to use your power accordingly. Perhaps this Empress will one day. I carry doubt the ones under her will follow that example, though. I also am not sure how to interact with the other broach bearers. I am blamed for Yuna's worry and it appears Shuwen humor is not seen as such here. The self proclaimed paladin seems to be losing to his own nerves and Gaelyn enjoys his new role far too much. There is a part of me that wishes to leave. But, my grandfather's mistakes must be amended first. I wish my sister was here. At least then I would have someone who knew how I felt.

Gaelyn's excitement as espionage has seemed to draw us into a situation our party is not overly suited to handle. Though we find ourselves here after the Empress sought to hire us for a different task we do not have a skill set to complete. It is troublesome...I am not sure this is part of the curse enacting it's will to see us brought low, or a chance regain honor lost by our ancestors.

I regained my honor. Usually in the stories, such moments do not take place over a small river of piss and feces. But, all stories must start somewhere. The local authorities seem slow. I hope our plan to circumvent them by bringing these brothers to the Empress works. I've not want to test my meditation in a prison while they slowly sort out we were not guilty. I believe this part of the world is going to get very complicated and I wonder what that will eventually mean for my homeland.

I lost in less than six seconds. As the descendant of the White Dragon, people may be fooled into thinking that such should embarrass me. But, truthfully I am excited. It is the first example of the greater world having something to offer me outside of dirt floors and strangers set on following the words of spirits and gods. This group I seem to be tied to is strange and diverse. I suspect my training will benefit greatly from traveling with Ella, especially if she continues to provoke others. Maram is a strange individual I find hard to understand, yet find amusing. Ezra's over friendliness is off putting, but he seems honest. Gaelyn clearly carries a superiority that isn't quite yet earned, but I imagine time on the road will lower him some. The bar tender, Ilisar, I do not yet have a bearing on either. I dislike my choice being removed in this first adventure. But it seems my grandfather left me work to do. And I am ready to advance my understanding of the arts. I hope Hinata is safe.