~A Stronger Path~

- My mind has been muddled for the longest time… I felt confident, sure….that what I was doing was right, everything I was doing we leading me on the path to end so much suffering and end a curse that could ruin so many lives just as it did mind….but ever since leaving Wei Jang, to the horridly dark place…filled with undead…I’ve become so much more unsure
- It was nice to finally see the place of my mother’s birth…Thanks to Inara, though learning about my mother and her exile…I need to learn more….I knew Inara would be cross with me after she told me to stay put….but I need to no more…something isn’t right…why was she actually exiled?
I have recorded my thoughts in sometime, so reflecting of everything is difficult…again, my mind; my thoughts, they are all jumbled up and I can’t make heads or tails of anything right now. Would ending this undead curse actually just lead to more suffering? Are the souls we saved actually doomed?
Fuck this god-awful demon, I was such a stupid kid, to believe power would not come at a price and I’ve been paying for it ever since.
The three humiliations…The abomination in the church…Is all this actually worth it?...No, I can’t have doubts now….things may be different now but my goal is still the same…there may just be…some extra steps now before I can fully complete it.
That fucking clown…The one that was there when I first met Inira…Inira… I was always wary of her, but to try to convince me to forego my whole quest to stop the undead curse? Is she mad?! I hope in my distress I misheard her request…No matter the outcome, this curse is a curse and I will only see it for what it is; and it needs to end.
But back to that clown…My friends…How did he get his pauldron? What has befell the rest…I saw him…on the battle field…one of them…I couldn’t have been him…but it was too familiar…..
This battle for the bridge has drained me…I know there is more…and we have reinforcements now…There is still so much more to do…Am I doing anything right? Dekar wants to help end my patron…so much more so since he had that vision in that place...that pool? Springs? I don’t remember, I did not want to enter there…but he saw something that shook him… He told me about how the souls were being tortured and consumed in a hellish place…Where all my doubts started.
But I had to make a decision…Grimaldus as performed the rites to indoctrinate me into the Chord faith. My pendant…It’s broken now…I am sorry Hasim, I know you liked the tricks it let you pull off but I can’t risk his eyes prying and his manipulation controlling my every moves. I need to move on and pave my own path and control my own actions…I need to do this myself….that is with the help of some wonderful new friends I’ve met…I need to be stronger so these friends to meet the same fate as…you guys did….
 
But God, I hope what I am doing is right. Who knows what this will mean from now on… I am sure this patron won’t be too happy….
 
Stay strong Secilia…It’s only going to get worse.