Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn
(Tune: “Rasputin” by Boney M)
A Bardic Tale of Rhynehurst and the Velverdyva River
As told in taverns, courts, and scandalous salons from Dyvers to Veluna
There lived a certain bard in Rhynehurst long ago,
He could charm the breeze, and make the moonlight glow.
The nobles watched him play with laughter and with cheer—
But their daughters sighed, “Velkoquinn draws ever near!”
He could sing of Lirr like a preacher,
Wit as sharp as his blade,
But he also was the kind of teacher,
Lords feared their wives had laid!
Chorus
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! Lover on a river’s whim,
Tales of his lips spread like wildfire!
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! Danced in noble halls so dim,
With poems that set gowns on fire!
Velko ruled the song-ships, drifting from port to port,
Wrote odes to Lady Deirdra while fleeing Duke Consort.
At every masked ball he was the toast divine—
With a wink and smile, he’d have your heart and wine!
To Viscount’s court he brought his lyre,
Though they knew his game too well—
Still the Countess blushed with fire,
At the lines he dared to tell!
Chorus
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! Skald of River, Lore, and Sin,
Played Rhynehurst like a golden harp!
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! Dyvers' dames would drink him in—
Even as their husbands sharpened arms!
But then his moans and music, and the lovers he'd empower,
Became too much to stomach for the barons in their towers!
The gossip from the temples spread like riverblight and rot,
Till justice came to hush the bard that sang what they would not...
Bridge
“Enough!” the lords all said, “Let’s end his artful crimes!”
But the duchess cried, “Please not before his encore one more time!”
They lured him in with wine and flattery and lust—
“Come play for us, sweet Velko… in you we put our trust.”
Final Chorus
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! Lirr’s divine and charming kin,
They spiked his flask with killing draught—
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! He just laughed and drank again—
Cursed them in verse as he collapsed!
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! His tales still drift on wind and fin,
Each stanza sung where lovers part.
Ra-Ra-Velkoquinn! The Rhennee's heretic of sin—
But Lirr has etched him into art.
"In every port he left a verse… and a broken vow."
– Whispered on the docks of Veluna City
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