Scene: Kass After Fey Mood
What a fucking morning. I don’t remember smoking last night, but I feel foggy like never before. Sun’s up high. Did I sleep half a day away? Zeldine is still sleeping in her bed, so it’s not noon yet, I guess.
I get up to get to the bathroom, but have to sit back down as my legs spasm. The fuck was that - did I get up too fast? Okay, one more time. I turn on the light in the bathroom and the lights fucking sting like never before. Damn, maybe I’m coming down with something. I stagger to the toilet and have the longest fucking piss in my life. Ugh, my body feels sore and shitty all over. Shit, should I talk to a doctor? A bladder can’t have this much piss inside it, can it? Finally done, I get up and stop by the mirror. Wait, what the fuck is this? What happened to my undercut? What kind of curse is this? Why is everything so… wrong?Before the panic sets in, Zeldine smacks open the door next to me, and walks sluggishly past me, like I’m not even here. Is she… sleepwalking? She sits on the toilet and grabs her toothbrush, so maybe not. Not a ‘good morning’ - nothing. After applying tooth paste she sticks the fucking paste in my hand, still looking vacantly into the wall.
“Uhm, fuck you too,” I say, as I smack the tube on the desk. Wow, my throat is fucking dry when I speak. Zeldine doesn’t speak. Instead her eyes bust open as she finally looks at me.
“You’re awake,” she stutters, still looking at me, like I’m a fucking ghost.
“No shit,” I grumble, waving my hands around. But then she jumps up and hugs me, her panties still around her fucking ankles. “Woah, personal fucking space, Zel! Are… are you crying?”
“It’s all shit, Kass, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to do anything!” she starts bawling in my ear. Hell, ‘good morning’ to you too.
“Zell, tell me, what the fuck is going on.
Four and a half months. That’s how long I’ve been out - or down - or whatever. I had a Fey Mood and got… lost in myself - Another fucking ghost walking the halls of Evergreen. It happens here occasionally. We’re taught to expect it at some point, but we don’t. How can we? I sure didn’t see the fucking signs before I fell. In fact, they say I finally dropped mid May, but I can’t remember anything from May. Alea turned fucking twenty and I can’t remember the party taking place at all.
All of this I have to gather from Zeldine who’s a crying fucking mess, clinging to me like a baby monkey. Half of her words are apologies - a whole lot of ‘sorry’, ‘it’s all my fault’, ‘please stay’ and ‘don’t hate me’. I have seen her broken when drugged out of her mind, but not when sober. Not this bad. And here I am, trying to comfort her while she’s telling me that I just lost half a year of my life to a fucking fairy coma.“Stop, Zel, we’ll figure this out, okay? For now just… Help me with my ugly fucking hair, and then we go find one of the Dísir, okay?”
“Ugh, you really let me walk around like this? And no make-up? That’s the real fucking crime you should be apologising for,” I snarl, as I start shaving the sides back down. Zeldine standing helplessly in the door, looking at me so sadly. “Okay, sorry. Can you call Alea maybe? Tell her I’m back?”
So, apparently that was the wrong thing to say too, as it sent her sobbing. Hell, everything is turned upside fucking down, and I can’t get any clear fucking answers. Let’s just get this face in fucking order, and get out of here. I need Alea to get me back on track. I try to call her, while I’m applying my make-up, but some other girl answers and I hang up. Did she change her fucking number? Shit, now I am getting nervous.
“Zel? Zel, are you there?” Fuck, I head out of the bathroom and find her under her covers, sulkily staring into the wall. “Zel, I need answers. And air. Are you coming?” No answer, instead she just hides her face. “Please, Zel! You know I’m not good with this shit… I… I’ll be back, okay?”
Fuck, I need this Twilight episode to be fucking over. I get into my boots and march down the dorm corridor, looking for anyone of relevance. Not here - not here either… Oh, the Crane is outside. Finally somebody with answers!
“Dís Thanh Quyen,” I call out as I turn the corner of the dorm outside. “Can you please help me?”
“Kass, you are finally awake!” she states in her polite tone, a genuine smile spreads on her lips. “I am happy to see you up again. How can I be of service?”
“Can you please tell me, what’s going on?” I feel a bubble in my throat and force it back down. “Everything is wrong!”
“Come here, child,” she says as she opens her arms to embrace me. “The world is always changing. You will align with it soon enough.”
“Zeldine can’t tell me anything, and I can’t reach Alea a-and I.. I’m so fucking scared something bad has happened.”
“Language, child! Have we not taught you better than that?” the Crane gives me a stern look, before she again softens up. “Alea is going through her own Fey Mood, at the time. As for Zeldine… well, she keeps proving herself unwilling to be helped. I am honestly at my wits end with her.”
There’s so much to unwrap. Alea is out? No wonder Zeldine is a fucking mess. Does that make her my fucking mess? I am so not equipped for that. Still, I can’t stop myself from saying:
“I will help her.” Somebody fucking has to.
“I sure hope that you can. But remember to take things slowly as your body and mind realigns - It can take some time.” Yeah, apparently I don’t have time for that. “I will inform the other Dísir of your joyous awakening. And, please, come to us with any questions you may have.”
“Thank you, Dís,” I say as I turn and take my leave. Thanks for nothing. Usually my job is to keep Alea up and running, and then she’d fix Zeldine. Fuck. Maybe I can go back to sleeping for another few months, and everything will be fine by then. Wouldn’t that be fucking neat. I return to our room, Zeldine still hiding in bed.
“Okay, Zel, get up. We’re gonna figure this shit out together, right?” Her side of the room is even more of a fucking mess than usual. On her bed stand there's an open display of white powder on a plastic tray, and… blades - bloody blades. Okay, calm down, Kass. You can help her. You fucking have to.
“Is this… how I was like?” I ask in shock as we’re standing in Alea’s apartment, standing right in front of her eerily still figure in the kitchenette. Her eyes are glazed - dimmed. It feels like her eye color has faded and clouds float past her irises. There truly is nobody at home, it seems.
“Yeah… It’s really freaky until you get used to it. Then it’s just… regular freaky. I put a mask on her once, but that got even creepier… Funny hats… but it’s not so funny when I remember that it’s my fault,” Zeldine’s voice traces off into a solemn murmur. “Anyway, I usually come here when Evergreen gets too shitty. And just… talk to her or whatever.”
‘Zeldine, if I found out you put funny hats on me, you’re fucking dead’ - is what I want to say, but I better be careful with my tone with her. Instead I better start to unpack the other elephant.
“Zel, we’ve learned about this - It can’t be anybody’s fault. Fey Moods are just a fact of our existence,” I try smiling at her, but her eyes are locked on the floor.
“I… I did something bad, Kass… and she wouldn’t talk to me. And I wasn’t there… I wasn’t here for her, Kass. An-and she just went away, hating me, and now she’s gonna hate me forever, because I’m so fucking stupid!” Zeldine starts crying, punching the cushions. “I ruin everything I fucking touch!”
“Zel, you-… It’s not… That’s just not true, okay?” Shit, how do you do this, Alea? How do I do this? We fucking need you. I don’t know how, but… “I will fix it, okay? Everything will be like before, okay?”
I sit down next to her, and grab her arms, before she harms herself, and then I feel them - the scars on her forearms. I lower her arms and look at them - thin purple lines marring her otherwise pristine blue skin.
“Can you fix those too?” Zeldine sniffles. If only I could. Instead I take off my gloves and put my own marred arms next to hers. The reminder of my own darkest moment.
“Whatever it is, we’ll figure this out, okay? But I’m gonna need you to take that choice with me. No more coke or lashing out or… this! Can you promise me that?”
Zeldine nods, tries to smile, but breaks apart crying instead. I take my arms around her and hold her tight, with Alea standing eerily still in the background blissfully unaware of her two friends crying in each others’ arms.
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