The Legend of the Green Baby

Once upon a time, in an age when the wind howled with mystery and the snow whispered secrets, a small green creature stumbled into existence. No one knew from whence it came. Some said it was conjured in the dark cauldrons of wicked wizards, others swore it had drifted in from a land of deep waters and sailing ships, and a few insisted that its mother took one look at it, decided against the whole parenting thing, and gently tucked it under a scrap of cloth beside a lonely pile of firewood.

Regardless of its origins, one thing was certain: its story began in a peculiar frozen village filled with strange people. They were an odd folk, these villagers, with a strange and unshakable urge to watch. Watch what? That would vary by the person but a popular past time was to watch someone milking cows for some odd reason.

The Green Baby found a sort of peace among them. It learned that whenever trouble arose, it could simply imagine itself inside a box, and soon the trouble would pass—whether because of some peculiar magic or because no one really wanted to bother someone in an imaginary box was never quite clear. This strategy worked for many years until, one fateful day, a Hidden Foe took notice.

This Hidden Foe had a simple desire: entertainment. And it had decided that the Green Baby should venture into the world so that it could watch and revel in the chaos that would inevitably unfold. With a mischievous chuckle and a flick of unseen fingers, the Hidden Foe destroyed the Green Baby’s shelter and had it cast out from the village.

Thus began the Green Baby’s unfortunate journey, where it quickly learned that the world beyond the frozen village was a place of many woes. In one land, it was set upon by a barrage of flying fruit, flung by cackling children with terrible aim. In another, it found itself framed for arming a child with an unsual cruel streak. In yet another land, it was menaced by a Cold Guard, whose entire existence seemed dedicated to ensuring that no one anywhere was ever found joy in their lives no matter how many times the Green Baby told him to get bent.

Each day brought a fresh trial, each more ridiculous than the last. The Green Baby endured rocks talking to it, a tentacled wizard winning at it, and strange smiling man feeding into it's pain. It suffered, it sighed, and then one day, it decided: enough was enough. And so, it climbed the tallest mountain it could find, discovered an abandoned chair, and plopped itself down. And there it sat. Day after day, year after year, it remained, resolute in its determination to do absolutely nothing at all.

The Hidden Foe, at first gleeful, soon found this turn of events rather dull. It waited, hoping for some dramatic twist, but the Green Baby merely sat, content in its absolute refusal to engage. With a great, exasperated sigh, the Hidden Foe finally admitted defeat and wandered off to find some other poor soul to torment.

And so, at long last, the Green Baby had found its peace. It remained on its mountain throne, gazing out upon the world, unbothered, undisturbed, and, most importantly, no longer anyone’s unwitting source of amusement.

And thus, the tale of the Green Baby came to an end. Unless, of course, it’s still sitting there, somewhere, perfectly content in its grand and glorious inaction.