Ready Now

The moment Sympathetical walked into the room, she knew something was wrong.
It was in Joseph's unnatural stillnes, Lily's pale face, Declan's shaking head, and Nayvalee's sudden whirl in Sympathetical's direction. It was in the way the entire room was silent when a low buzz of conversation usually hummed through the air. And it was in the six files spread across the meeting table, each one listing a CKG's information.
"What's going on?" Sympathetical asked. Nayvalee was trying to wave her out, so she directed the question at Joseph. "General?"
Joseph looked up at her. "The communications team went dark two days ago," he said, voice remote. "The scout team we dispatched found traces of a Visoran patrol, but nothing else. We're labeling them MIA, presumed dead."
Sympathetical stared at him. She was aware of Lily starting to say something else and Nayvalee moving to touch her shoulder, but the rest of the room had faded into static. Light buzzing was starting to cover everything else. The communications team. The one Rolland was on. The team was missing. Rolland was missing. Presumed dead.
"Sympathetical," Nayvalee ordered, and Sympathetical snapped her gaze to her superior, whose expression was a mix of concern and irritation. "I think you should go back to barracks. You don't look good."
Sympathetical shook her head and looked back at Joseph. "No. Tell me what happened."
"I don't think that's a good idea—" Lily started.
Joseph cut her off, eyes locked on Sympathetical's. "Come here."
The next hour was a blur. Sympathetical was barely conscious of what was said. Joseph and Declan explained the situation in clipped, cold voices, Declan with constant winces and sympathetic looks, Joseph with the detachment Sympathetical was looking for. Nayvalee and Lily hovered by the table, casting worried looks in her direction.
"I think you should go back to barracks," Nayvalee said when Joseph was finally done. "You and Rolland were dating, weren't you?"
Sympathetical blinked. What? "No, we weren't."
"You weren't? Oh. Um..."
"Sympathetical," Joseph interrupted. "Are you going back?"
She looked at him. There was something in her throat, in her eyes, in her head. It hurt. But she knew she couldn't let it control her. "No."
"Help me with the squadron deployments." Joseph gathered the papers and handed them to Declan. "Declan, mark and file these. Lily, prepare a statement and then go back to your job. Nayvalee, continue the communications. Back to work, everyone."
Sympathetical had rarely worked with Joseph before, but she understood why Nayvalee didn't like spending time with him. He was quick, to the point, and firm. He didn't chat, he didn't worry, and he didn't bother with gentleness. It was strangely inspiring.
The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent strategizing. Joseph only let Sympathetical leave the building once, to get food for the both of them. He made her memorize his order and she spent the walk to the cafeteria repeating it to herself so she wouldn't forget and the walk back trying to balance the covered plates she'd been handed.
It was night when they stepped out of the Central Intelligence Center. Everyone else had left by then. They walked together in silence until, suddenly, Joseph stopped halfway down the path to the barracks.
"I didn't want to start this war," he said abruptly. Sympathetical frowned but Joseph kept talking. "It was Julianna's plan. I've brought us this far. I don't know how to keep going."
"I think you're doing fine," Sympathetical said, confused.
"I killed your friend." Joseph's voice was empty. "I assigned him on that mission. That's what being a leader is. Ordering people to do things that sometimes get them killed. We haven't made any progress against the Visorans this whole time."
Sympathetical was quiet. She hadn't thought about it. For her, the Visorans were just a challenge along the way to her future. She hadn't seen the war as something serious. But now...
"He's dead," she said, surprised at how thin her voice sounded. "He's gone."
Joseph said nothing for a long time. "Probably," he finally answered. "Go back to barracks, Sympathetical. I just realized I forgot something in my office. I'll see you tomorrow." And then he was walking away, back up the path to the Central Intelligence Center.
Sympathetical watched him go before continuing toward the barracks. The closer she got to the barracks, the more her hold on her emotions slipped. By the time she made it to the elevator, she could barely think. When she reached for the buttons, her vision blurred, and she blinked back tears as she scrabbled for the floor.
She stumbled out of the elevator, breath already hitching, and realized this wasn't her floor. Diamond Squadron stayed a floor and a half from the Command suites, but Sympathetical knew the way to her sister's room perfectly. She didn't know how long it took for her to get there, but Pitical's door was opening, and her twin was letting her in, face creased in a frown, and Sympathetical couldn't hold back any longer.
She collapsed, her hands barely making it onto Pitical's shoulders. The door closed behind them, and then Pitical pulled Sympathetical over to her bed, words tumbling from her mouth, arms wrapped around her shoulders.
Distantly, Sympathetical knew she was sobbing and her sister was holding her together. The world was collapsing around her as the truth curled itself into her heart. She loved Rolland. She'd fallen for him. He was gone. She hadn't even said goodbye.
If only she had realized sooner, if only she had known, if only she had said something. Now there was nothing but silence.
When Sympathetical finally came back to herself, she stared up at the ceiling, her sister sleeping beside her, and made her decision. She'd be like Joseph. She'd bury all her pain and use it to fuel her. She'd make the Visorans pay. And she'd do it for Rolland.