What the Cabbage Man Saw | by Rebekah Bourg

General Summary

Dear June,

The Incona have finally been vanquished and business can return to normal. That group of convicts turned explorers turned emissaries turned heroes turned political advisors turned dead turned traitors turned innocent turned warriors turned heroes, well, you’ve heard of them. Anyhow, several of them came to the hospital today and they stole that lovely little cabbage I left for the head physician, Doctor Aeson, because he’s been stress-eating in the most abominable fashion. They lit it on fire! The barbarians! It was the mad colonel’s idea, and then the big strong fellow - my word, he’s huge – threw it into the room where the Incona were trapped. I followed them upstairs to demand they return the cabbage, but then that happened and I didn’t hang around once they opened the door to that wretched room of death. I ran back to my little shop to guard it in case those four whatever-they- are got eaten and the Incona escaped. The herbalist of their party was a few doors down, so I went and told her what was happening and begged her to help guard my shop. I was unlocking the door when the other four came down, smelling of smoke and glowing with triumph. Apparently, the fire had done significant damage to the beasts and what with the pummeling dealt out by the first two and the other fellow pulling down the ceiling and the old woman somehow beating them with flaming cots, well, the Incona died and my cabbage shop is safe once more. I thanked them profusely and gave each of them a cabbage so they won’t have to steal anymore. I ran into the hospital and left another one for the good doctor, then went out to hear the full story, but they had split up already. The big fellow and the mad man went to the armorer with their Ancona hides and I think the others went to get some lunch. When I saw them next, they had shawarma, which reminds me, there’s a new restaurant in town. Now that it’s safe for you to visit your dear grandmother and myself again, I’ll take you and the little ones there for dinner. It looked really good.
That afternoon, I was at the palace, making a delivery, when I saw the group finishing their meal and still looking quite pleased with themselves. I overheard several of the staff talking about the young nobleman who was also a convict turned blah blah blah. Some of them think he’s been ghosting the king, but the others say that’s nonsense and that it’s due to some disruption in his incoming mail. A few suggested, and I agree, that it’s the work of that traitor, Lady Phoenix, though she’s currently being lauded as a penitent shyster turned hero. While I was waiting for payment from the steward, there was a dreadful explosion upstairs that sent everyone into a panic running away to safety or else running toward this latest catastrophe to aid in setting all to rights. I stayed put, not allowed to go further than the kitchen but unwilling to leave without payment for my cabbages. According to the steward, there’s a slightly unhinged professor residing at the palace and the explosion was caused by one of his experiments gone wrong. It set his laboratory on fire and those brave people who fought the Ancona helped put out the fire, as did Lady Phoenix and her oily suitor. In the aftermath of the fire, there have been reports of a shrouded being wandering the palace who is not from this earth. Most perplexing. Your brother came for a visit today. He moved to Ledon a few years ago, you remember, but just as we were sitting down to dinner, in walks Jasper. All’s well with him. He said he had seen you last week, so I won’t write much more, but he mentioned that he had seen that same group of adventurers on the road, near the old battlefield. The madman had fought one of the robots that wasn’t fully decommissioned, but he must not have known that destroying those things summons a dread destroyer. I’ve never seen one, but I hear they’re, well, dreadful. Jasper said that while the madman battled the robot, all the others in the party just sat by and watched, chatting casually about the supplies they hoped to acquire in Ledon for that professor who blew up part of the palace. They are a cheeky bunch of hooligans, to watch a vicious fight so coolly. I rather like them. I’ve written rather much more about those adventurers than I had intended. How are the boys getting along in their new school? Does Lassiter still want to be a cabbage merchant? Please encourage that dream. All the trouble in the City of Bridges makes me think that people need to simplify their dreams or at least their career paths. Give all my love to my precious grandchildren.
Your grandfather, Bonzo Pippinpaddleopsicopolis III

Report Date

19 Jun 2021