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We Serve Anyone

When people want to argue that Lagarts actually have a sense of humor, We Serve Anyone is often mentioned as a perfect example. Started by two Lagart entrepreneurs as a joke, We Serve Anyone has become a galaxy-wide chain of restaurants that serve "campy cuisine."



We Serve Anyone, owing to its campy menu and attitude, tends to draw a younger crowd, although Illyrians, who cannot resist a good joke, often frequent the restaurant. Foodstalls can be found in most major cities among the Ore Worlds, Provinces, and Inner Rim, particularly in areas of significant foot traffic such as malls, outdoor shopping areas, and near or in spaceports and other mass transit hubs. We Serve Anyone restaurants are more sparse, often only found in odd and tucked away locations.   Myrr-dominated worlds do not attract We Serve Anyone restaurants; the constant jabs at the Myrr race, embodied in their restaurant logo of a Myrr skull and legbones, makes the restaurant chain unpopular to much of the Species.


We Serve Anyone was started by two Lagart siblings from the Tarkanos clan. Having participated in a guided safari on a wilderness planet, they watched as skilled chefs took the kills from the hunters and served the kills up for dinner to the safari guests. As the various safari guests bragged about their kills and how they tasted from the catering service, one Tarkanos remarked that such a service would be very popular among Lagarts, who still have a tradition of eating their dead enemies. While his comment caused a minor scandal among the guests (who had been unaware of this Lagart custom), it prompted the siblings to open their own food business upon their return home.   They cheekily named their new venture "We Serve Anyone", a play on words that permits the viewer to assume that both a) the restaurant will serve any Species as diners, and b) the restaurant will serve any Species as dinner. The menu is replete with jokes about eating other races, such as "Human Chops in sauce" and "Myrr flambe". The fine print at the bottom of the menu explains the actual ingredients used by the restaurant, which took much of the fear out of the food. Taking off in popularity, We Serve Anyone foodstalls have become a common sight, especially on worlds with sizeable Illyrian populations and near colleges and universities. We Serve Anyone foodstalls are always manned by Lagart cooks who claim to know the "ancient secret art of cooking your vanquished foe," though larger restaurants might have servers and waitstaff of other Species.



We Serve Anyone generally uses borkine meat for its meat dishes, as borkine flesh can be prepared in a multitude of ways and does not have a strong flavor on its own, which makes it excellent for adding spices or other flavors to create a unique taste. The restaurant chain also uses an cereal grain from the Lagart home world, similar to a long-grained rice that softens in heat to form almost a noodle-type food, which is used as a base of many dishes.   While they do not openly advertise it, We Serve Anyone's employee manual does have a section about accepting meats from customers for processing and cooking. It is not discussed whether that would include sentient Species. Rumors that Lagart criminal gangs, including the infamous Vaar Thal Syndicate, use We Serve Anyone to make their murdered rivals disappear crop up now and again, but have never been found to have any basis in fact.
Alternative Names
The Lagart Eatery, Fleshy Food Express
We Serve Anyone serves food, but not necessarily a dining experience. As such, their meals are a step above fast food.
We Serve Anyone's main menu and ingredients are legal on all worlds where you can find the restaurant chain. Their unspoken policy of accepting "outside meat" from customers is questionable on many worlds, and several planets have passed ordinances banning the practice. Such bans give pro-Lagart politicians something to rail against, as these agitators claim the bans are a unconscionable restriction on Lagart culture and tradition.

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