The Little Lie

The General stood behind his desk, shrouded in darkness, still as a stone cold mountain. He was leaning forwards, the arms propping his body up being the only thing keeping him from slipping onto the cold floor. His eyes were wide open, haunted as they gazed over the gathered detritus before him.
As he stood there, he felt that familiar pain, tremors rocking his soul and body, and the darkness he could feel in his very bones grew ever tighter and heavier. He’d felt it for days, months, even years, but he knew he had time left, and he knew he had a duty, and so he was content to live on anyways, doing his job, serving his Service, fulfilling his duty, while his sleep grew more restless, and his breath laboured, and his every early waking moments spent drenched in a sheen of a cold sweat.
He thought back to those old days. He learned how to sneak to toilets in the night, to avoid detection as his body thrashed in pain and his mouth vomited out that disgusting black sludge. How to clench his fists as he marched in dress attire, to keep those tremors at bay. In short, he learned, finally, how to put that painful little part of him into a small little box, and leave it to rot and fester within it, while he carried on as if it were any other day.
But, he knew he could not carry it on for much longer. Oh, he could still hide that pain within his wilting body, hide the tremors and shakes, the black sludge and the headaches, all under that starched uniform he wore, the sharp cap he donned, the spit polished shoes he trod in. He had carried that little lie for years, and if he thought he had to, Lieutenant General Gustav Johann Schmidt was content to carry them for many more, for as long as he still breathed.
But, unfortunately for that deadly little lie, the man knew a woman named Higgs.
He knew her, fought alongside her, and even with her, and after months and years, he grew to love her. And, she loved him. They knew each other, they trusted each other, they loved each other, they had been to hell and back with each other. And yet, she did not know it all. She did not know about the darkness, or the tremors, or at least not all about it.
And yet, she was still there. The Colonel Higgs was there, and the man was all the happier and livelier for it. She stuck by him through it all, even though she could scarcely see through that smokescreen he made, and he made sure of that through hell and high water, he was never alone. She was every bit the soldier he was, from her own starched uniform, sharp cap, and spit polished boots, down to the strictness of her stride, and that only made them closer, knowing things that few others did, sharing things few shared, living, believing those great honours and principles of those who shared their oath to serve. And, though the weight of the darkness that flicked into his body and soul grew bit by bit, and he almost lost all hope that he would not be crushed underneath it, she was there, grabbing him by the hand, and pulling him on, or going with him and shouldering that weight like it was a pack from their days in the field, and going on with him on her shoulder.
Still, there the man was. Standing in the dark, all alone, surrounded by letters and papers, and before him on his oaken table lay two doors. One, an ugly, metal tool, a tool of many in his trade, a cold wedge of polished steel and chrome and wood in the handle, which if he took that final step would clear it all. Clear the guilt, the darkness, and what came after, he wouldn’t know, and might not care.
And in the other, another tool. A black, thin, flat, smooth shard of plastic, like a black mirror in which even in the dim light he could see a bit of his own self in, in all its haunted figure. This would be a second door, and if he stepped through it, he would have a lie no more. He had hid, and ran, scared and nothing at all like how “The General” was supposed to be, if the imagination of the public meant anything. But he was still scared, of telling that truth, of letting it be known that the man in the uniform with medals blazing brightly was not all he was cracked up to be. He was not the inscrutable, mighty, hard as a cold mountain protector of freedom and liberty, but some man in a wilting body, and he did not even know whether there would be hope left for him anyways by now, with the lie working with the darkness to damn him, as it had with so many others he knew, all those years ago.
In that moment, in what could be the final crossroads of this journey that he had set himself on, he could feel the weight of that darkness pull him towards the ground. He could feel it joined by the weight of that little lie he kept, which now revealed itself to him, in all its agonising horror, that showed him he had only himself to blame for all this, that all the medals on his chest would never fix him nor save him from his own acts.
And now, here he was. Dressed in a starched uniform whose collar choked him, spit polished boots that gleamed underneath him and threw back nothing but the image of darkness, and a sharp cap clenched and crushed in his fist, until he placed it on the desk to free his hands to make the fateful decision.
He picked up one hard, black tool, one great door of fate. He rolled it in his hands, looking over it, almost playing with it. He agonised over it, raged within himself as if the decision had not already been made, indeed before he even stepped foot in that room that day for the first time, when he woke up in his bed, and saw Higgs, waking with him, smiling, meaning the 12 Worlds and more to him, as she, again, said how they loved each other so.
He waited for a few seconds. He could feel the weight of the darkness and the little lie, tripling with every laboured breath he took, crushing him by force of will. He knew he could carry it no more, he must have release, and he would take it into his own hands for once, as he’d failed to do for over a decade.
He placed the cold black tool against his head.
A ring rang out, and all was quiet for a brief moment.
Then, the General spoke first.
“He-hello, Higgs, love. It’s me, I’m at my office, I’m… I’m alone right now. There are some things I want you to know now, while I can still tell them to you.
Please, come here. Please…
I’m so sorry... ”
He dropped the phone in his hand, and collapsed to the floor in a heap, the weight only forcing him down harder and faster. He lay on the floor, the cold hard floor, and he curled like he was still a child and felt his mouth open in a silent scream, and his vision blur, and his eyes moisten.
A minute, or an hour, or some other time he could not count after that, he heard shouting from outside, and his door burst open, and through his cloud eyes he saw her. He saw her run to him, almost collapsing on the floor but then pulling up, and pulling him up, and suddenly she was there, and the darkness shrivelled away and the lie burned in the light from outside, or maybe it was the light of her sheer presence and being. And suddenly, the weight was now half as heavy, and a moment later half again, and she was here, and soon the lie would die for good, and though he knew not how it would all end in the end, he had her, and he had others, though the lie blinded him to that, and he would face that fate for now, and his journey would not end now, but sometime else.
And he would gladly face it, with the love he loved carrying him and holding him, and him carrying and holding her, and he would march on, in his starched uniform with medals, and maybe someday without either. And he would walk that path on his own terms, and he did not know about the darkness for certain, but he knew that he would be walking without that little lie.

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This little work is, so far, the only complete Story out of all my Camp Nano writing! Hopefully, I'll be able to get even more done soon, and hopefully it'll be soem enjoyable reading for you folks!
Please let me know what you though of this, I don't do too much emotional or character driven stuff normally, so it's a bit of a test for myself! Thank you for reading, have a good day, and please, dear reader, continue being awesome!