Entry 354

Cultural event

We met at Ciro's. Rory acted like it was something out of this world. I guess that sort of highlights the divide. I asked him if he thought I'm arrogant. He actually answered honestly. He said I'm arrogant. But then he told me he spent the day researching me. The things I support, the charities I patron. He actually listed causes off. He said he did it all today but it felt like maybe he already started before today.

After dinner, Rory took me to a little nightclub that he goes to with his friends. No one recognized me. It was amazing and I definitely drank too much. After - God I don't know how long, we went for a walk. The pavement was empty so it was clearly very late. We started talking about - well everything I told him about Anne and how she's the only person I trust. I talked about Gran a lot. How much I miss her.

Then Rory asked me if I could choose what I got to do with my life, what would I choose to do. It's all been so set in stone that I've never really given it any real thought. Eventually, I landed on being a real athletic diver, like make a real career out if it, or maybe ballet. I miss doing ballet. Suddenly Rory's eyes were almost like they were shining - I get what people mean by that now - and then he said, "God, you're amazing. You know that, Sebastian?"

I didn't know what to say. The whole moment felt unreal. So. I leaned forward and I kissed him. He didn't pull back. But I didn. And I ran. I freaked out because FUCK! How did I let it happen. But then Rory followed me. He chased me down as I kept walking and apologizing. Then he kissed me. Rory kissed me. He finally told me he didn't think I'd ever do it. I told him I've wanted to since I first saw him.

We walked for a while longer and we laughed and giggled, probably "giddy drunk." Okay, not probably - totally drunk and giddy.

When I got home, I called Anne right away. I told her about the kisses and she came right over. She stole my tea but listened to everything I could possibly say about it.

Then she asked if we were dating. I got so upset about it, we've been down this road before, she knows better than asking that. She knows it isn't possible.

But still, at least I get this, I get to like this guy and have him like me and kiss me. It's enough!

He did kiss me, right? I'm not that fucked in the head that I imagined the whole thing, am I?