Entry 358
Cultural event
9/5
I spent last night at Rory's. After we went to bed Saturday night, Anne burst in very late or maybe early. Papa had a seizure and he was taken to St. Bart's. Rory left around 9:00am and Anne and I went to the hospital to see Papa.
He has some neurological condition. It's very rare and when poorly managed, life threatening. The doctors believe they've caught it in time before it gets to that point of beyond bing manageable but the only way we can know for sure is if he shows symptoms again. I haven't been that scared in a long time.
I desperately needed a distraction and I called Rory to practice for the derby - yes it's still a ways away but practice is good.
Rory was so supportive. God I wish he could be mine, he's everything I'd want in a spouse.
I think both Anne and I felt it would be best if I wasn't alone at night. Rory was unable to stay so I decided to go to him. He went on to warn his flat mate. Then we set out for a very... intimate flat in a... more economic part of London. When we got there his flatmate wasn't there and I took sometime to collect myself.
Trevor, Rory's flatmate seemed rather nice. Apparently he's gay too. I was not going to say anything to him and I trusted Rory wouldn't either. Trevor started playing some rather violent video game so I decided to be risky. Started making out with Rory on the sofa, behind Trevor.
Trevor saw, but he promised his silence and even offered to sign an NDA. Stupidly, I didn't make him. I so just want to believe that if Rory trusts him, I ought to too, by simple virtue of Rory's trust.
When we went to bed, I begged Rory to fuck me. I begged him to. He refused and I started crying. I feel so foolish. He held me all night. I'm fucked and not how I'd wanted. I felt so safe and happy in Rory's arms that I cannot pretend any more. I'm in love with him. I cannot allow myself to be, but it is a fact.
