Issue 9: House Solkolov Provides Aid to R.A.M.I.!
General Summary
The infamous noble Solkolov House has pledged funds to the now coined "Steam Vent Four" legal defense upcoming this month. This comes as a suprise to most as Orzhov nobles tend to stay neutral in public legal affairs. When questioned on its newfound support of the defendants, the house Solkolov matriarch, Morrigan Solkolov, responded promptly.
They are quality investigators, it would be a shame to remove their talent from Ravnican society.
Morrigan Solkolov spoke to the quality of the investigators at R.A.M.I., citing instances of their tenacity and critical thinking skills. It should be noted that investigators of R.A.M.I. performed a routine investigation on the behest of the Orzovan noble, helping her reclaim an ancient artifact previously stolen from her notorious art collection. The artifact in question was a cloudy pink orb, rumored to contain a demiplane that housed a unicorn.
The item is of near priceless value, naturally I wanted it found. I couldn't bother the Azorius, with the murder investigation going on, and I had the funds to hire R.A.M.I. instead, so I did.
According to reports, the investigation found the item infact contained an ancient evil, a demonic entity known only as a Draegloth. Acting quickly, R.A.M.I. agents were able to defeat the creature and banish it back to its original plane of existence. Unfortunately, the thief who stole the orb to begin with was killed in a confrontation with the demon. Despite best efforts, R.A.M.I. investigators were unable to stabilize the thief, and he perished in the ruins of Ulcaster, the ancient burial site of the Solkolov family. Some speculate the investigation heeded favor from the Solkolov house, granting them the best defense attorney in Ravnica, Barrister Leopold Bigwig. When questioned on the new case, he only had a few words to say.
The law is absolute! If our R.A.M.I. defendants are truly innocent, that will be reflected in court. I will not let the prosecution weasel their way to a conviction! I never have!
The city waits with bated breath for the trial to commence in the upcoming days, many wanting penance for the hundreds of lives lost during the 18 hour power outage caused by the R.A.M.I. investigators in the Steamvents some weeks ago. According to the logs and reports of Niv-Mizzet, guildleader of the Izzet League, the Steamvent Four caused nearly 100,000 alms in damage to the city's infastructure, and cost even more in labor hours of Izzet technicians to fix the damage. We will provide complete coverage of the upcoming trial as events unfold.
by Zara Zu'un
New Guildball Season Begins!
We are back in it, folks! Our favorite time of the season has finally arrived, the opening weekend of GUILDBALL! We are set to kick off the season with an aboslute titan of a matchup: The Boros Legion Boars are set to take on the defending Guildball Champions, the Rakdos Raptors in two days at 8:00pm in the Thunderdome! The Rakdos Raptors are stark favorites according to the analytics (-450) based on their outstanding previous season and the home field advantage.
However, the Boros Boars have made some pretty interesting off-season pickups, to include 5-star recruit Keeper Thog Bonecrusher, the towering stone troll who was dropped by the Golgari Grubs just this past offseason. With an over/under of 14, you can expect a high scoring performance from both teams who will look to prove their dominance early on in this season.
by Richard "the Saint" St. Claire
Report Date
29 Sep 2024
Sire of Insanity Tour Continues!
What's good, readers? The Sire of Insanity tour just topped the charts again, hitting record attendance in District 13 with nearly 400,000 audience members along for the ride. This breaks the previous record held by Mizzet Theory of 392,000 in District 11. The tour is set to continue and end back here in our own District 10 at the end of the year, get your tickets for the jam now so you don't miss out.
Plenty of new music to hit the streets in the future months, stay tuned for Mizzet Theory's new album, Prizm Akademy Dropoutz, set to release the end of this month, a certified banger.
For Dr. Drow's new music reccomendation, check out Dissonant Whisper's new album, Chaos Warp, with hits like Mind Blank and Chain Lightning.
by Dr. Drow
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