Elf on a Shelf

>>> Matrix Node Access <<<
>>> Holiday Advertisement <<<
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys a girls, are you lonely this holiday season? Would you like to have  a special friend stay with you to keep you company. Well well well, look no further if it isn't direct from Gwynedd, your good old friendly Elf on a Shelf.
Yes you and only you can take in a poor destitute elf from the elven county and provide him or her with gainful holiday employment this 2085 holiday season. 
Gwynedd elves come dressed in any holiday costume you want. Traditional Christmas, Hanukah, Druidic, Caribbean, or any costume from the Commonwealth country of your choice. 
Your Elf on a Shelf will cook, clean, wrap presents, even decorate your tree. They even come with a patented tree fragrance if you so desire. Elves and trees just go so very well together.
Did we mention cooking? How would you like a festive lingonberry jam sauce to go with your turkey, ham, or venison? Perhaps a lovely cucumber sandwich with a dollop of onion chutney? Oh and do not forget the four o'clock high tea.
And for those you desire a very special holiday companion; standing under the mistletoe is an extra option available to those of verifiable legal age. 
>>> Back to regular programming <<<
>>> The Boy Debois <<< Yo Jabby, what's your take on this? Can I hire you?
>>> Jabberwocky <<< I will cut you deep and badly without the use of my special anesthesia.
>>> Jacen <<< Jabby is the pins and needles elf, not a shelf elf. 
>>> Stumpy <<< Hey show Jabby some respect.
>>> Mister Black <<< Oh it's the white knight gecko. Freak.

Career

Qualifications

Obviously you have to be an elf or elf poser.

Career Progression

Career? Chummer, it's just a temporary seasonal job. Take the money and run.

Payment & Reimbursement

Payment is based on physical appearance and number of skills one can offer.

Other Benefits

Room and board in addition to negotiated pay, for the contracted time period.