Swifty's Interstellar Troubleshooters

Greetings, citizen! I'm Swifty Q. Pulsar, founder and owner of Swifty's Interstellar Troubleshooters! We're the number one company in the Milky Way for problem solvers with professional attitudes and few scruples. Our legion of contractors cover the galaxy at their own expense and legally operate free of most treaties' jurisdictions so you're guaranteed service from trained professionals with too much to lose by saying no to you.   Got a criminal gang hijacking your freighters along the space ways? We've got a crew for that!   Laborers talking about unionizing? We've got a crew for that!   Need a shady boss to have an accident, turn up dead or just straight up disappear? We've got a crew for that!   Any sensible sapient being can tell that in the anti-re-post-modern revival society that we live in, getting by can be more complicated than it needs to be. Juggling a day job with relationships, family, trying to prevent too much of your data from getting into the cloud, acts of terrorism, it's all such a headache. Why not turn to the professionals to make some of the least convenient headaches just go away?   Got a space leviathan you want to go hunting and need an armed escort for the party? We've got a crew for that!   Political rival getting a little too cocky and you need some oppo research by less than ethical means? We've got a crew for that!   Desperate to escape a synthetic uprising on your homeworld and willing to pay anything to save your children? We've got a crew for that!   Let's face it, the galaxy is a mess. Wars, political intrigue, organized crime, extradimensional incursions, giant robot battles, hiveminds, and that's all just before lunch! I learned all this myself in my time as a celebrity bounty hunter. And if there is one thing that life taught me, it's that you shouldn't have to deal with that shit if you can pay someone else to deal with it for you.   Bug monsters in the void of space preying on your asteroid miners? We've got a crew for that!   Need bodyguards against time-traveling assassin clones of yourself? We've got a crew for that!   Colonists being subsumed by a sentient fungus monster, the consciousness of which exists in two timelines simultaneously? We've got a crew for that!   Swifty's Interstellar Troubleshooters! We've got a crew for that!   *No refunds