Session 19: It was the Best of Times. It was the Worst of Times.
General Summary
Okay so when we left off I was waiting backstage for them to do the awards and wrap up the Rose Stage Festival. They called everyone back onstage, and announced the award for best performance of the Rose Stage Festival. The winner was: Dahlia with her performance as Giant Pirate Baby! I was presented with a shimmery cloak of protection that is like super sexy and magically adapted so my wings would fit through it. I'm not sure I've ever won an award before, so this was kind of a big deal. I made a speech thanking my fellow members of Failure without Consequences for their support.
The professor in charge of the whole thing, Professor Trotsky, cut my speech short, which was pretty rude, but she had just given me my first award, so I wasn't going to say anything about it because I didn't want my award to get taken away. She asked if anyone knew what happened. I told her we cleaned up the school's mess as always. Turns out that was not the answer they were looking for. What she really wanted to know is why things happened. That was something that was going to take someone smarter than me. Luckily, Skoldreg had an idea. He told her he had noticed the black sludge that we had seen at other campus shitshows and thought they were all interrelated. The professor was weird about it though. She said that stuff was harmless and we shouldn't worry about it. It does not seem like a harmless thing given that it is always around when something goes wrong. We told her we should try to get to the bottom of it. She said she thought it may be related to some goings on at the Sedgemoor, but she she said she had better things to do than help us check it out. She gave us some holy water and said good luck. Super. Teacher of the year, right there.
Anyway, the weekend ended, and it was back to Magical Physiology class first thing Miresen morning. It turns out we get to start this week off with an excursion just like last week. Professor Lang sent us gathering spell reagents in the Sedgemoor. We are to get 5 toad buttholes and 18 crawler needles. Those are some really weird spell components. Like what wizard was sitting around one day and was just like "Oh hmm, I have this frog's asshole in my hand. I wonder what happens if I poke it with a crawler needle and say some magic shit."? Whatever, at least I don't have to sit in a boring classroom.
We left for the Sedgemoor and decided while we were there we were also going to try to find out what we could about the black goo plaguing the school. I thought we should start at the Rambling Toad, the people drinking there might know something about the black goo and with a name like the Rambling Toad, they may even have some toads at the bar that we could just like skin or whatever it is you have to do to harvest a meat donut. No one else agreed with me. They said being drunk would probably make it hard to catch toads and if they had any at the bar, they probably wouldn't let us cut their asses off. Fine.
So we headed into the swamp. Skoldreg was the first to make a catch and he successfully harvested the bootyhole. It turns out it is much easier to get the crawler spines than it is toad ass. We all worked together and had the crawler pokies in no time. We moved further into the swamp to try to find some more toads since we only had one. It wouldn't be a day at Strixhaven if something didn't try to kill us and today was no different. As we were creeping around staring at the ground looking for toads, some worgs moved out of the swamp and attacked. We made short work of them, because we're pretty badass.
We managed to rescue one toad from a worg's mouth. We tried to harvest what was left of it's doodie hole. It was pretty mangled but we did it. The professor didn't say they had to be in pristine condition. We spent another half hour or so sloshing around looking for toads. Finally we found three more and harvested their asses.
Cathia was off exploring another part of the swamp when we found the last toad. She called us over, because everything looked pretty different there, the water was clean and bubbly. We all came over and an asshole Grung appeared and started licking me with his nasty death tongue. What in the sexual harassment hell is this shit? It gets worse though. He must of had some sort of drugs on his tongue, because passed right the fuck out. Night said after that, while I was out, he said his name was Murgaxor and said some stuff about vengence, then summoned some sort of red mist shit over the rest of our group that left some of them kind of frozen in place for a while. With me down, Murgaxor moved his sexual harassment to Cathia and she fainted too. Someone healed me and I jumped up to join the fight, just in time to see Murgaxor kill Randy with some sort of magic. I had had enough at this point, so I launched one of my sparkly ass chromatic orbs and murdered him to death. FAFO, frog face.
I figured Murgaxor attacked us because of all the frogs we've let bleed out after we cut out their bungholes, but the others thought there might be more to it. Like maybe he was connected to all the craziness that's been going on around campus. We decided to inspect his body for clues and / or sweet loot. We found his journal, a blood red and gold bracelet with shield imagery, a vial containing a hovering cloud, 60g and his big ol grung anus.
Murgaxor's journal was just a rage porn hate fest against the dragon founders of Strixhaven and Auntie O . Apparently, this froggy bastard used to be a student who was expelled for practicing some sort of dark magic. Ha, and now they let kids from the Shadowfell in. Anyway, it seems he's all bitter at the school and the people who were there when he was expelled or called for his expulsion or something. The last page of his journal said something like "Finally I have a master who can help me get revenge on these fools at Strixhaven. Master will provide my needs, direct the campus from afar. Mustn't anger master, master is scary. For now I will stay out of the spring. But Master good. I'll bring master what he needs." It kind of makes me feel bad because it sounds like his BDSM relationship wasn't a very healthy one, and maybe we could have helped him instead of murdering him, but he brought this on himself when he whipped out that death tongue.
We took a little rest in a nearby shack. I said a few words in memoriam of Randy. Even though we can resummon him, it's still sad. Night That Eats Stars spent some time identifying the magical items we stole off of Murgaxor's corpse. She was able to tell that the bracelet was magical and made you feel heartier. But we weren't able to to tell anything about the stuff in the vial. After we rested we went back to check out the abnormal pristine section of the swamp to see if it was maybe related to Mugatu's master and / or the black goo we keep finding on campus. There was a green mist hovering and giving off a strange smell. Skoldreg dropped some of the holy water the professor gave us into the vial and the green stuff went away. We noticed the stream started to smell like chlorine like green mist cloud and like the stuff in the strange cloud vial. We decided to follow the stream and see how much of it had been polluted.
We followed the stream for a while, with it becoming increasingly chlorine smelling. Eventually we came to a place where the the chlorine fog seemed to be coming from. We didn't spend too much time formulating a plan because we were all choking on the fumes. So we just decided to dump the holy water in middle of the big chlorine source. I took the vial from Night and flew over the center of the mist, and dropped it in. It seemed to work - the mist was dispersing! - and then it didn't. The mist all rolled back in. And then it morphed into a motherfucking dragon who is now trying to eat me.
______
This is the Last Will and Testament of Dahlia Grimsbane, made on this 3rd day of Misuthar, 844.
I leave my extensive library of original stories to my friends in Failure without Consequences, both the physical copies and the printing rights. To Night, I leave my shimmering cloak. I could not have won that cloak without my paranoid wizard costar. To Cathia, I leave my wand of the war mage. Blast some faces off with it, but don't use it in a hate crime. To Skoldreg, I leave my Pole of Angling. You're really smart, so I bet you can like reverse engineer it and figure out how to turn all kinds of stuff into other cooler stuff. To Cillian, I leave my lantern of revealing. Don't use it to reveal anything I wouldn't.... which basically leaves it wide open. I leave my spot at Strixhaven (can I do that? I'm going to do that) to my little brother. Get the fuck out of the Shadowfell, bro.
To unseen boyfriend: I release you from your service. We had some good times, didn't we?
My funeral wishes are as follows: I request that my remains be sent to the campus taxidermist for preservation, with the Failures without Consequences engineering some pneumatics to animate my taxidermied body and give it a magical artificial intelligence. For their efforts, they are to be paid 70000g plus the cost of materials and spell components from my next of kin, Alaric and Isadore Grimsbane. I request that a memorial be held in my honor, in which my animatronic body will serve drinks at the Failure without Consequences bar. All drinks are free. No tears allowed.
Dictated by Dahlia Grimsbane, while being eaten by a green dragon. Written by Unseen Boyfriend.
The professor in charge of the whole thing, Professor Trotsky, cut my speech short, which was pretty rude, but she had just given me my first award, so I wasn't going to say anything about it because I didn't want my award to get taken away. She asked if anyone knew what happened. I told her we cleaned up the school's mess as always. Turns out that was not the answer they were looking for. What she really wanted to know is why things happened. That was something that was going to take someone smarter than me. Luckily, Skoldreg had an idea. He told her he had noticed the black sludge that we had seen at other campus shitshows and thought they were all interrelated. The professor was weird about it though. She said that stuff was harmless and we shouldn't worry about it. It does not seem like a harmless thing given that it is always around when something goes wrong. We told her we should try to get to the bottom of it. She said she thought it may be related to some goings on at the Sedgemoor, but she she said she had better things to do than help us check it out. She gave us some holy water and said good luck. Super. Teacher of the year, right there.
Anyway, the weekend ended, and it was back to Magical Physiology class first thing Miresen morning. It turns out we get to start this week off with an excursion just like last week. Professor Lang sent us gathering spell reagents in the Sedgemoor. We are to get 5 toad buttholes and 18 crawler needles. Those are some really weird spell components. Like what wizard was sitting around one day and was just like "Oh hmm, I have this frog's asshole in my hand. I wonder what happens if I poke it with a crawler needle and say some magic shit."? Whatever, at least I don't have to sit in a boring classroom.
We left for the Sedgemoor and decided while we were there we were also going to try to find out what we could about the black goo plaguing the school. I thought we should start at the Rambling Toad, the people drinking there might know something about the black goo and with a name like the Rambling Toad, they may even have some toads at the bar that we could just like skin or whatever it is you have to do to harvest a meat donut. No one else agreed with me. They said being drunk would probably make it hard to catch toads and if they had any at the bar, they probably wouldn't let us cut their asses off. Fine.
So we headed into the swamp. Skoldreg was the first to make a catch and he successfully harvested the bootyhole. It turns out it is much easier to get the crawler spines than it is toad ass. We all worked together and had the crawler pokies in no time. We moved further into the swamp to try to find some more toads since we only had one. It wouldn't be a day at Strixhaven if something didn't try to kill us and today was no different. As we were creeping around staring at the ground looking for toads, some worgs moved out of the swamp and attacked. We made short work of them, because we're pretty badass.
We managed to rescue one toad from a worg's mouth. We tried to harvest what was left of it's doodie hole. It was pretty mangled but we did it. The professor didn't say they had to be in pristine condition. We spent another half hour or so sloshing around looking for toads. Finally we found three more and harvested their asses.
Cathia was off exploring another part of the swamp when we found the last toad. She called us over, because everything looked pretty different there, the water was clean and bubbly. We all came over and an asshole Grung appeared and started licking me with his nasty death tongue. What in the sexual harassment hell is this shit? It gets worse though. He must of had some sort of drugs on his tongue, because passed right the fuck out. Night said after that, while I was out, he said his name was Murgaxor and said some stuff about vengence, then summoned some sort of red mist shit over the rest of our group that left some of them kind of frozen in place for a while. With me down, Murgaxor moved his sexual harassment to Cathia and she fainted too. Someone healed me and I jumped up to join the fight, just in time to see Murgaxor kill Randy with some sort of magic. I had had enough at this point, so I launched one of my sparkly ass chromatic orbs and murdered him to death. FAFO, frog face.
I figured Murgaxor attacked us because of all the frogs we've let bleed out after we cut out their bungholes, but the others thought there might be more to it. Like maybe he was connected to all the craziness that's been going on around campus. We decided to inspect his body for clues and / or sweet loot. We found his journal, a blood red and gold bracelet with shield imagery, a vial containing a hovering cloud, 60g and his big ol grung anus.
Murgaxor's journal was just a rage porn hate fest against the dragon founders of Strixhaven and Auntie O . Apparently, this froggy bastard used to be a student who was expelled for practicing some sort of dark magic. Ha, and now they let kids from the Shadowfell in. Anyway, it seems he's all bitter at the school and the people who were there when he was expelled or called for his expulsion or something. The last page of his journal said something like "Finally I have a master who can help me get revenge on these fools at Strixhaven. Master will provide my needs, direct the campus from afar. Mustn't anger master, master is scary. For now I will stay out of the spring. But Master good. I'll bring master what he needs." It kind of makes me feel bad because it sounds like his BDSM relationship wasn't a very healthy one, and maybe we could have helped him instead of murdering him, but he brought this on himself when he whipped out that death tongue.
We took a little rest in a nearby shack. I said a few words in memoriam of Randy. Even though we can resummon him, it's still sad. Night That Eats Stars spent some time identifying the magical items we stole off of Murgaxor's corpse. She was able to tell that the bracelet was magical and made you feel heartier. But we weren't able to to tell anything about the stuff in the vial. After we rested we went back to check out the abnormal pristine section of the swamp to see if it was maybe related to Mugatu's master and / or the black goo we keep finding on campus. There was a green mist hovering and giving off a strange smell. Skoldreg dropped some of the holy water the professor gave us into the vial and the green stuff went away. We noticed the stream started to smell like chlorine like green mist cloud and like the stuff in the strange cloud vial. We decided to follow the stream and see how much of it had been polluted.
We followed the stream for a while, with it becoming increasingly chlorine smelling. Eventually we came to a place where the the chlorine fog seemed to be coming from. We didn't spend too much time formulating a plan because we were all choking on the fumes. So we just decided to dump the holy water in middle of the big chlorine source. I took the vial from Night and flew over the center of the mist, and dropped it in. It seemed to work - the mist was dispersing! - and then it didn't. The mist all rolled back in. And then it morphed into a motherfucking dragon who is now trying to eat me.
______
This is the Last Will and Testament of Dahlia Grimsbane, made on this 3rd day of Misuthar, 844.
I leave my extensive library of original stories to my friends in Failure without Consequences, both the physical copies and the printing rights. To Night, I leave my shimmering cloak. I could not have won that cloak without my paranoid wizard costar. To Cathia, I leave my wand of the war mage. Blast some faces off with it, but don't use it in a hate crime. To Skoldreg, I leave my Pole of Angling. You're really smart, so I bet you can like reverse engineer it and figure out how to turn all kinds of stuff into other cooler stuff. To Cillian, I leave my lantern of revealing. Don't use it to reveal anything I wouldn't.... which basically leaves it wide open. I leave my spot at Strixhaven (can I do that? I'm going to do that) to my little brother. Get the fuck out of the Shadowfell, bro.
To unseen boyfriend: I release you from your service. We had some good times, didn't we?
My funeral wishes are as follows: I request that my remains be sent to the campus taxidermist for preservation, with the Failures without Consequences engineering some pneumatics to animate my taxidermied body and give it a magical artificial intelligence. For their efforts, they are to be paid 70000g plus the cost of materials and spell components from my next of kin, Alaric and Isadore Grimsbane. I request that a memorial be held in my honor, in which my animatronic body will serve drinks at the Failure without Consequences bar. All drinks are free. No tears allowed.
Dictated by Dahlia Grimsbane, while being eaten by a green dragon. Written by Unseen Boyfriend.
Rewards Granted
Cloak of Protection - Dahlia
60g
Vial of Hovering Greenish Yellow Cloud
Magical Bracelet - blood red and gold with a shield: The wearer of this item includes its Constitution modifier to its AC while it isn’t wearing armor or wielding a shield.
60g
Vial of Hovering Greenish Yellow Cloud
Magical Bracelet - blood red and gold with a shield: The wearer of this item includes its Constitution modifier to its AC while it isn’t wearing armor or wielding a shield.
Character(s) interacted with
Murgaxor - grung with a grudge. Expelled former Strixhaven student hellbent on revenge against Strixhaven
Mission: Harvest Spell Components for class; Figure out what's with the black goo of doom
Location: Strixhaven Campus - Sedgemoor
In Game Date: Misthuar 1-3, 844
Location: Strixhaven Campus - Sedgemoor
In Game Date: Misthuar 1-3, 844
Report Date
03 Mar 2023
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