Session 14: The Word of the Day is: Pizzle
General Summary
Right so we're creeping around Dapplewing manor trying to steal a creepy doll for the hot goblin we met at the homecoming mage tower game. Because we don't want to get caught and get kicked out of our activities, we have Randy creeping around inside of the manor doing some recon for us. He found some sort of potion and snagged it, then moved on to the storeroom, where he spent a lot of time going through the piles of stuff there. The only thing noteworthy he found was that some ink had been spilled. He moved on into the room behind the stairs and saw the grand lounge where he found three pteranodons suspended in air in a dance pose. Next, Randy went upstairs where he saw a lot of oddities - including a shelf of dolls, one of which matched the description of the doll we were looking for. There was also a dress made of bones and an adult sized riding toy roc. While Cillian was relaying to everyone what Randy saw, I got super distracted by idea of the adult riding toy roc and started working on a new story called Roc-ing all Night Long. It's going to be a good one. Anyway, Cillian also told us that Randy had spotted an old moustached man doll wearing a suit that was rich as fuck - it had 25 gold on it. Randy grabs the gold and the doll that looked like the Sally doll and starts making his way toward us with the doll, potion, and gold. While we were waiting for Randy to return Night That Eats Stars educated us on goat penises. I hope our next test is on goats, but even if it isn't it'll be useful information for a future story. Anyway, so Randy shows up and pulls out the loot and Cillian shared the gold with us. Night said she didn't want her gold because Cillian had spent money summoning Randy and it was only fair we chipped in. That was kind of her, but like I'm pretty sure I have no parents anymore so like I probably won't be getting any money or care packages from home so I probably need to keep what I find. I felt kinda shitty about it though.
Night took a look at the potion Randy brought back and identified it as a Potion of Mind Reading because she is super smart and can tell stuff like that just by looking at things. Anyway, Cathia took the potion and we decided to make our way over to Piper to tell her we had found the doll and rub it in her face that we were more successful than her. But while we were walking the doll started talking and said "if you say so" Randy responded by telling her "damn right" and she said it again. Suddenly the doll flew toward Cillian and he caught it as it hit him in the chest. Then Randy farted.. loudly. It was a super weird series of events that I still don't quite understand.
We walked over to Piper and handed her the doll. She seemed really happy we had gotten it for her, so we didn't rub it in her face that we succeeded when she hadn't been able to. She gave us a driftglobe as a reward. It's actually really pretty when it's all lit up. We went back to our rooms and called it a night. But, a couple of days later, in the middle of the night in the middle of an otherwise boring week, Cillian woke up to Piper pounding on his door saying her brother went away with the Sassy Sally doll back to their homeland of Troodhoszoz and something had gone wrong. Cillian got the rest of us involved once he realized Piper wasn't there to hook up. I feel like he probably could have involved us either way, but whatever. Anyway, Piper said her brother told her someone named Happy Jack was in town and he was happy about that and was going to go to his funhouse. If you ask me, it sounds like her brother is probably involved with some sort of a sex cult. Piper says Happy Jack is a clown and since he's been in town some kids have gone missing. I guess it's a pedophilic sex cult. So we are definitely going to have to intervene here. We ask Piper a few more questions about her family and where her brother went. We learned Trudeauland is halfway between campus and Yios. Her dad's name is something like Freeing Fuck (Frionvuc) and her mom's name is Quinoa (Qenufz). Piper is staying behind because she is a nerd who is afraid of danger.
We agreed the best plan was to head out as soon as it was morning to save the kids from the weird clown sex trafficking cult. When dawn broke (and by that I mean around midday because we are college students so no one is getting up with the sun like some crusty old 300 year old elf), we took our pub to Trudeauistan and made our way toward the circus cult. The center of all the circus tents was a really weird building that was all painted up with a giant smiling face with the mouth open painted on it. A goblin waived us into the nearby tavern and Cathia made some vaguely racist statements about not trusting goblins, but she said she didn't mean anything by it because she has a goblin friend. The group agreed we would have to work with her on that. Anyway, we found Quinoa and she told us that Happy Jack showed up and left flyers around town for his funhouse. We told her Jack sounded pretty sus and was probably some sort of child killing pervert. But Quinoa said she went to his funhouse as a kid and it was not a sex cult back then. Plus, she said Jack is friends with the mayor and he promised the mayor a funhouse and food. Which like to me, does not say it's NOT a sex cult, but whatever this lady needs to believe. Anyway, she said Jack put his sack on the ground and said "let the fun begin" - still getting major sex cult vibes here - and a funhouse and a cart just magically appeared! Quinoa said it was super fun and the food and candy was delicious. She didn't save us any, which I guess is fine because it is probably poison or drugs or something anyway. She said she has been playing in the funhouse, but when the weekend ended all the adults went back to work and just used Happy Jack as a free babysitter. When they came home from work the kids were gone.
We told them that it was bad parenting to leave your kids with a strange clown man. They said they did it all the time and it was no big deal. I told them it seems like they were trying to get rid of their kids. I told them about Dipshit the Fingerchewer who came to town once a year like Happy Jack did, but in the Shadowfell. There, when parents were unhappy with their kids, they sent them away with Dipshit who chewed off their fingers and toes until they bled to death. Quinoa said this wasn't what they were doing, but I have my doubts. Cillian pointed out that even with how fucked up the Shadowfell is our parents never left us unattended to get nabbed by a stranger. Quinoa got a little offended, but we moved on to talking about the kids that are missing. There are eight missing kids in total - 3 girls and 5 boys, all goblin children ranging up to age 14.
We left the tavern at that point without even getting a drink. Saving kids is serious business. We started looking around the circus and noticed a lot of food stalls staffed by robots with a coin slot. There was also a crone playing an organ. Skoldreg hacked one of the automatons and we got some 40s and a ton of cotton candy. Forget what I said about staying sober to save the kids. We can find them just as well with a few giant beers in our bellies. Full of sugar and ale, we approached the organ playing hag lady and noticed a monkey dancing on the organ. The monkey was a complete shitshow and his skin was falling off. It was pretty gross, even by my standards. The old lady asked us if we were there for Happy Jack's House. Night made some innuendos about jacking off. I decided to write a new story about the hag and Happy Jack, titled Grinding Happy Jack's Organ. Night sang the old crone a song trying to persuade her to lead us to the last place she saw the children. It was a good song but she was unphased. She made some comments about it seeming like Cillian and I had a fucked up childhood and never got to go to the circus and we should go on in. I wondered if maybe I was wrong about the sex cult and maybe Happy Jack was really out here saving the kids from their shitty home life. But that's probably how they get you. They probably prey on sad bastard kids, make them think they're the kids' friends or something. The crone acted weird about that when I said it, so that probably means I'm right. Oh well, no turning back now.
We finally decided to go in and apparently the only way to do so is to ride something that the hag called the the "rolly coastie." We load up on the cart for the rolly coastie, and it seems like there aren't enough tracks for it and we are just going to plummet to our deaths. We tried to avoid harnessing in because I'd rather just fly away if we're about to crash, but some stupid safety feature made it so we had to before we could leave. It may be a death ride. We'll see I guess. If I never write another journal entry, you'll know it was indeed a death ride. Avenge me, strange journal reader.
Xoxo,
Dahlia
Night took a look at the potion Randy brought back and identified it as a Potion of Mind Reading because she is super smart and can tell stuff like that just by looking at things. Anyway, Cathia took the potion and we decided to make our way over to Piper to tell her we had found the doll and rub it in her face that we were more successful than her. But while we were walking the doll started talking and said "if you say so" Randy responded by telling her "damn right" and she said it again. Suddenly the doll flew toward Cillian and he caught it as it hit him in the chest. Then Randy farted.. loudly. It was a super weird series of events that I still don't quite understand.
We walked over to Piper and handed her the doll. She seemed really happy we had gotten it for her, so we didn't rub it in her face that we succeeded when she hadn't been able to. She gave us a driftglobe as a reward. It's actually really pretty when it's all lit up. We went back to our rooms and called it a night. But, a couple of days later, in the middle of the night in the middle of an otherwise boring week, Cillian woke up to Piper pounding on his door saying her brother went away with the Sassy Sally doll back to their homeland of Troodhoszoz and something had gone wrong. Cillian got the rest of us involved once he realized Piper wasn't there to hook up. I feel like he probably could have involved us either way, but whatever. Anyway, Piper said her brother told her someone named Happy Jack was in town and he was happy about that and was going to go to his funhouse. If you ask me, it sounds like her brother is probably involved with some sort of a sex cult. Piper says Happy Jack is a clown and since he's been in town some kids have gone missing. I guess it's a pedophilic sex cult. So we are definitely going to have to intervene here. We ask Piper a few more questions about her family and where her brother went. We learned Trudeauland is halfway between campus and Yios. Her dad's name is something like Freeing Fuck (Frionvuc) and her mom's name is Quinoa (Qenufz). Piper is staying behind because she is a nerd who is afraid of danger.
We agreed the best plan was to head out as soon as it was morning to save the kids from the weird clown sex trafficking cult. When dawn broke (and by that I mean around midday because we are college students so no one is getting up with the sun like some crusty old 300 year old elf), we took our pub to Trudeauistan and made our way toward the circus cult. The center of all the circus tents was a really weird building that was all painted up with a giant smiling face with the mouth open painted on it. A goblin waived us into the nearby tavern and Cathia made some vaguely racist statements about not trusting goblins, but she said she didn't mean anything by it because she has a goblin friend. The group agreed we would have to work with her on that. Anyway, we found Quinoa and she told us that Happy Jack showed up and left flyers around town for his funhouse. We told her Jack sounded pretty sus and was probably some sort of child killing pervert. But Quinoa said she went to his funhouse as a kid and it was not a sex cult back then. Plus, she said Jack is friends with the mayor and he promised the mayor a funhouse and food. Which like to me, does not say it's NOT a sex cult, but whatever this lady needs to believe. Anyway, she said Jack put his sack on the ground and said "let the fun begin" - still getting major sex cult vibes here - and a funhouse and a cart just magically appeared! Quinoa said it was super fun and the food and candy was delicious. She didn't save us any, which I guess is fine because it is probably poison or drugs or something anyway. She said she has been playing in the funhouse, but when the weekend ended all the adults went back to work and just used Happy Jack as a free babysitter. When they came home from work the kids were gone.
We told them that it was bad parenting to leave your kids with a strange clown man. They said they did it all the time and it was no big deal. I told them it seems like they were trying to get rid of their kids. I told them about Dipshit the Fingerchewer who came to town once a year like Happy Jack did, but in the Shadowfell. There, when parents were unhappy with their kids, they sent them away with Dipshit who chewed off their fingers and toes until they bled to death. Quinoa said this wasn't what they were doing, but I have my doubts. Cillian pointed out that even with how fucked up the Shadowfell is our parents never left us unattended to get nabbed by a stranger. Quinoa got a little offended, but we moved on to talking about the kids that are missing. There are eight missing kids in total - 3 girls and 5 boys, all goblin children ranging up to age 14.
We left the tavern at that point without even getting a drink. Saving kids is serious business. We started looking around the circus and noticed a lot of food stalls staffed by robots with a coin slot. There was also a crone playing an organ. Skoldreg hacked one of the automatons and we got some 40s and a ton of cotton candy. Forget what I said about staying sober to save the kids. We can find them just as well with a few giant beers in our bellies. Full of sugar and ale, we approached the organ playing hag lady and noticed a monkey dancing on the organ. The monkey was a complete shitshow and his skin was falling off. It was pretty gross, even by my standards. The old lady asked us if we were there for Happy Jack's House. Night made some innuendos about jacking off. I decided to write a new story about the hag and Happy Jack, titled Grinding Happy Jack's Organ. Night sang the old crone a song trying to persuade her to lead us to the last place she saw the children. It was a good song but she was unphased. She made some comments about it seeming like Cillian and I had a fucked up childhood and never got to go to the circus and we should go on in. I wondered if maybe I was wrong about the sex cult and maybe Happy Jack was really out here saving the kids from their shitty home life. But that's probably how they get you. They probably prey on sad bastard kids, make them think they're the kids' friends or something. The crone acted weird about that when I said it, so that probably means I'm right. Oh well, no turning back now.
We finally decided to go in and apparently the only way to do so is to ride something that the hag called the the "rolly coastie." We load up on the cart for the rolly coastie, and it seems like there aren't enough tracks for it and we are just going to plummet to our deaths. We tried to avoid harnessing in because I'd rather just fly away if we're about to crash, but some stupid safety feature made it so we had to before we could leave. It may be a death ride. We'll see I guess. If I never write another journal entry, you'll know it was indeed a death ride. Avenge me, strange journal reader.
Xoxo,
Dahlia
Rewards Granted
Driftglobe
Potion of Mind Reading
25g (divided up - 5g each)
35g stolen from goblin tavern (divided up - 7g each)
Potion of Mind Reading
25g (divided up - 5g each)
35g stolen from goblin tavern (divided up - 7g each)
Missions/Quests Completed
Steal the Sassy Sally doll from Dapplewing manor without getting caught and give it to Piper Lilu.
Character(s) interacted with
Piper Lilu
Frionvuc - Piper's Dad
Qenufz - Piper's Mom
Kova - Piper's Missing Brother
Granny Melody - creepy old lady playing the organ
Feebles - dancing monkey hanging out with Granny Melody
Mission: Save Piper's missing brother and the other missing kids from Troodhoszoz.
Location: Happy Jack's Circus - Troodhoszoz
In Game Dates: Quen'pillar 22-26, 843
Location: Happy Jack's Circus - Troodhoszoz
In Game Dates: Quen'pillar 22-26, 843
Report Date
25 Oct 2022
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