Session 10: Family Drama, Murder Sculptures, and Weird Sexcapades
General Summary
So it's parent's weekend and the next event is an ice cream social. Things have not been off to an awesome start with my family, but at this ice cream shindig it seems like everyone's parents are a little with Cathiaembarrassing
On the other side of the room, Night That Eats Stars was telling her family all about ice cream and drugs. They didn't seem too interested and said they would rather go home to the jungle. Overall, they still seem like the chillest family here, but they are being a little judgey about how infrequently Night hunts since she came to school. Night tells them she gets plenty of adventuring in and they seem to accept that. Yep, definitely the chillest family here.
My parents showed up next and immediately started giving me shit again. This may be because I messed with the pocket dimension the school set up for them, and filled it full of flowers and rainbows. Whatever, I was tired of their shit, so I yeeted them across the room using the geyser function of our cool pub crawl flask flask. While they were cleaning up, Night introduced me to her parents. She told them I was a fantastic storyteller. That was sweet, but now it's super awkward because I only tell dirty stories and Night's family is so nice, so I don't want to make them not like me.
The entertainment for this ice cream shindig is a magic show. A tiefling named Kirkegaard got on stage and did some magic tricks. I thought they were pretty impressive and so did Night's family. Turns out all the magic tricks were fake as hell. Night and Cillian figured that out super fast. I probably wouldn't have, guess there's a reason I'm flunking out of magic school. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because we weren't even able to enjoy the show because as fucking always with this school shit went tits up. The water statues around the room came to life and started stampeding. And as always with this fucking school, no one tried to do anything about it except us.
The water statues started swarming us and our families. I considered making my family easy targets by casting faerie fire on them, but I got too sentimental at the last minute. Yeah, I'm not proud of that. Maybe she noticed my internal struggle, or maybe it was just coincidental timing, but Night sang a song to me and totally made me feel better. And then she released a panther from her bag, which she named Little Sister. I'm a little unclear on whether or not that is her actual little sister. Surely it's not, right? Anyway, I immediately killed one of the water bastards with a thunder punch, aided by Randy and Night's inspiring song. The statue blew up in my face. Bullshit.
Across the room, Cathia stabbed one of the watery tarts and it blew up in her face, too. In another corner of the room, a couple of statues swarmed Skoldreg and started beating him with their watery appendages. It knocked him TF out. Cillian rushed in to fuck up the two guys who hurt Skoldreg and he killed one of them, but that guy blew up like the rest of them, hurting Skoldreg worse than he already was.
The fight raged on and Skoldreg was just laying there in the throes of death. I yelled at my worthless parents for doing nothing while students died. They were assholes as always and said it wasn't their problem. I have no idea why I felt sentimental about these twats. Anyway, Cillian rushed to Skoldreg's side, getting beaten up in the process, but managed to get some healing potion down Skoldreg's throat. He scolded Skoldreg's parents for not doing anything while their son lay dying. They made some bullshit excuses about not being skilled fighters or some shit. I think his dad was probably just too high to know what was going on.
Back over on my side of the room, Night took down another of the water bastards. It blew up, and did so much explosive damage it killed her panther. Now I REALLY hope that wasn't actually her little sister. Remind me to ask her about that. Anyway, we finally got the last of the statues down, and some GIANT FLOWERY ASS DEMON showed up. Was he behind this all along? Why TF is a demon wearing flowers and shit? Where is my allergy medicine?
Before I have time to even process what's going on, this dickhole demon marched right in and removed my wing enchantments so now all the darkness and gloom is gone and we're left with a glittery pastel shitshow. Super. I'm sure mom and dad will have my ass for that. Anyway, so Cillian and this flower guy, who we found out is named Naviask , started talking like he's Cillian's family or something, which is weird because Cillian always said he didn't have family. So obviously, we all listened in on their conversation it turns out that apparently Cillian's parents sold him to this guy back when Cillian was a baby. I guess this guy used to be some sort of a demon, but now he's not (though you couldn't prove it by his shitbag disenchantment behavior) but the contract for him to own Cillian is still in force. This shit is more confusing than Shadowfell law. Apparently though, this guy is now Cillian's like new dad, but also like his employer or master or something and he's the person putting Cillian through school. I don't really understand, but Cillian seems chill with him. As Cillian was hanging out with his bossdad, Tilana came up and started hitting on Cillian. I ship them.
Just as things were calming back down and I was starting to have fun, Mom and Dad came back in then and started trying to bitch at me for having my wings revealed. I told them they were shitty and Cillian came and told them off. He's like basically my best friend. While Dad was busy trying to think of a comeback to Cillian I flew away and disguised myself as a sweet southern kobold hoping they wouldn't find me.
As I flew around the room disguised as a kobold, I noticed Night and her parents STILL talking about how amazing Kirkegaard was. Night's parents told her she should befriend him and try to be more like him. Night left and went to chat up Kirkegaard after that. Kirkegaard told her he likes her music and thinks she's a fine ass pussycat. Spicy! I think they may be going to bone down. He gave her a sending stone. I ship them too.
While Cathia and I were watching Night and Kirkegaard flirt, Randy was off trying to pickpocket Skoldreg's parents. They deserve it. Like, just standing there letting him bleed out is like some Shadowfell shit. Anyway, Randy took his flint and steel. Should have taken his blunts. Skoldreg is big mad that his parents didn't help him and reminded them that they taught him a dwarf is always supposed to be prepared. His dad is just high again. We called it a night at that point. Somehow the festivities didn't really kick back up after the sculpture assault and the demon appearance.
The next morning we met up outside the Magetower Stadium to go to the homecoming game and the pregame festival. Night was nervous from the outset and started talking to us about whether we should be worried about today and worried for our parents' safety. Given the way things are going around here this weekend I feel like it's a given something shitty will happen. I told her if I had good parents like hers I would be worried for them. I am worried for them. We started talking about Cillian's dadmaster at that point and whether Cillian would want to know him better. Night and I talked about going to talk to bossdad and see what he had to say about Cillian. Cillian said we should all go so he could try to get with Cathia's mom. I seriously thought he was into Tilana, but I guess he likes a more mature lady. I wonder how Cathia feels about this. Anyway, this whole discussion went down right in front of Cathia's dad, Fred, who got pissed that Cillian was trying to bang his wife. They started arguing and I thought we were going to see a shit fight. But the whole thing blew over when Night started trying to bang Skoldreg's mechapussy. What? Is this what tailgates are supposed to be like?
Oh well, eventually everyone got their horniness under control and we went on in to the pregame festival. Inside, there was hot goblin named Piper Lilu and a dapper looking elf named Sal Lilith with a game set up called hex hex. They introduced themselves and invited us to play with them. It turns out they're both first year students, too. Their game is super fun - it was like keep away with a magic missle. Every time the missle came to her, Cathia threw it right in Cillian's face, I guess because of the whole hitting on her mom thing. Night has been having some bad luck at this and took several blasts to the face. Eventually, we decided to work together as a team, and teamed up on Sal, making him go out of the game first. A new round is beginning so I had better stop writing and get to blasting. Might as well enjoy the fun before the next shitshow happens, because you know it will!
Until later,
Dahlia
On the other side of the room, Night That Eats Stars was telling her family all about ice cream and drugs. They didn't seem too interested and said they would rather go home to the jungle. Overall, they still seem like the chillest family here, but they are being a little judgey about how infrequently Night hunts since she came to school. Night tells them she gets plenty of adventuring in and they seem to accept that. Yep, definitely the chillest family here.
My parents showed up next and immediately started giving me shit again. This may be because I messed with the pocket dimension the school set up for them, and filled it full of flowers and rainbows. Whatever, I was tired of their shit, so I yeeted them across the room using the geyser function of our cool pub crawl flask flask. While they were cleaning up, Night introduced me to her parents. She told them I was a fantastic storyteller. That was sweet, but now it's super awkward because I only tell dirty stories and Night's family is so nice, so I don't want to make them not like me.
The entertainment for this ice cream shindig is a magic show. A tiefling named Kirkegaard got on stage and did some magic tricks. I thought they were pretty impressive and so did Night's family. Turns out all the magic tricks were fake as hell. Night and Cillian figured that out super fast. I probably wouldn't have, guess there's a reason I'm flunking out of magic school. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because we weren't even able to enjoy the show because as fucking always with this school shit went tits up. The water statues around the room came to life and started stampeding. And as always with this fucking school, no one tried to do anything about it except us.
The water statues started swarming us and our families. I considered making my family easy targets by casting faerie fire on them, but I got too sentimental at the last minute. Yeah, I'm not proud of that. Maybe she noticed my internal struggle, or maybe it was just coincidental timing, but Night sang a song to me and totally made me feel better. And then she released a panther from her bag, which she named Little Sister. I'm a little unclear on whether or not that is her actual little sister. Surely it's not, right? Anyway, I immediately killed one of the water bastards with a thunder punch, aided by Randy and Night's inspiring song. The statue blew up in my face. Bullshit.
Across the room, Cathia stabbed one of the watery tarts and it blew up in her face, too. In another corner of the room, a couple of statues swarmed Skoldreg and started beating him with their watery appendages. It knocked him TF out. Cillian rushed in to fuck up the two guys who hurt Skoldreg and he killed one of them, but that guy blew up like the rest of them, hurting Skoldreg worse than he already was.
The fight raged on and Skoldreg was just laying there in the throes of death. I yelled at my worthless parents for doing nothing while students died. They were assholes as always and said it wasn't their problem. I have no idea why I felt sentimental about these twats. Anyway, Cillian rushed to Skoldreg's side, getting beaten up in the process, but managed to get some healing potion down Skoldreg's throat. He scolded Skoldreg's parents for not doing anything while their son lay dying. They made some bullshit excuses about not being skilled fighters or some shit. I think his dad was probably just too high to know what was going on.
Back over on my side of the room, Night took down another of the water bastards. It blew up, and did so much explosive damage it killed her panther. Now I REALLY hope that wasn't actually her little sister. Remind me to ask her about that. Anyway, we finally got the last of the statues down, and some GIANT FLOWERY ASS DEMON showed up. Was he behind this all along? Why TF is a demon wearing flowers and shit? Where is my allergy medicine?
Before I have time to even process what's going on, this dickhole demon marched right in and removed my wing enchantments so now all the darkness and gloom is gone and we're left with a glittery pastel shitshow. Super. I'm sure mom and dad will have my ass for that. Anyway, so Cillian and this flower guy, who we found out is named Naviask , started talking like he's Cillian's family or something, which is weird because Cillian always said he didn't have family. So obviously, we all listened in on their conversation it turns out that apparently Cillian's parents sold him to this guy back when Cillian was a baby. I guess this guy used to be some sort of a demon, but now he's not (though you couldn't prove it by his shitbag disenchantment behavior) but the contract for him to own Cillian is still in force. This shit is more confusing than Shadowfell law. Apparently though, this guy is now Cillian's like new dad, but also like his employer or master or something and he's the person putting Cillian through school. I don't really understand, but Cillian seems chill with him. As Cillian was hanging out with his bossdad, Tilana came up and started hitting on Cillian. I ship them.
Just as things were calming back down and I was starting to have fun, Mom and Dad came back in then and started trying to bitch at me for having my wings revealed. I told them they were shitty and Cillian came and told them off. He's like basically my best friend. While Dad was busy trying to think of a comeback to Cillian I flew away and disguised myself as a sweet southern kobold hoping they wouldn't find me.
As I flew around the room disguised as a kobold, I noticed Night and her parents STILL talking about how amazing Kirkegaard was. Night's parents told her she should befriend him and try to be more like him. Night left and went to chat up Kirkegaard after that. Kirkegaard told her he likes her music and thinks she's a fine ass pussycat. Spicy! I think they may be going to bone down. He gave her a sending stone. I ship them too.
While Cathia and I were watching Night and Kirkegaard flirt, Randy was off trying to pickpocket Skoldreg's parents. They deserve it. Like, just standing there letting him bleed out is like some Shadowfell shit. Anyway, Randy took his flint and steel. Should have taken his blunts. Skoldreg is big mad that his parents didn't help him and reminded them that they taught him a dwarf is always supposed to be prepared. His dad is just high again. We called it a night at that point. Somehow the festivities didn't really kick back up after the sculpture assault and the demon appearance.
The next morning we met up outside the Magetower Stadium to go to the homecoming game and the pregame festival. Night was nervous from the outset and started talking to us about whether we should be worried about today and worried for our parents' safety. Given the way things are going around here this weekend I feel like it's a given something shitty will happen. I told her if I had good parents like hers I would be worried for them. I am worried for them. We started talking about Cillian's dadmaster at that point and whether Cillian would want to know him better. Night and I talked about going to talk to bossdad and see what he had to say about Cillian. Cillian said we should all go so he could try to get with Cathia's mom. I seriously thought he was into Tilana, but I guess he likes a more mature lady. I wonder how Cathia feels about this. Anyway, this whole discussion went down right in front of Cathia's dad, Fred, who got pissed that Cillian was trying to bang his wife. They started arguing and I thought we were going to see a shit fight. But the whole thing blew over when Night started trying to bang Skoldreg's mechapussy. What? Is this what tailgates are supposed to be like?
Oh well, eventually everyone got their horniness under control and we went on in to the pregame festival. Inside, there was hot goblin named Piper Lilu and a dapper looking elf named Sal Lilith with a game set up called hex hex. They introduced themselves and invited us to play with them. It turns out they're both first year students, too. Their game is super fun - it was like keep away with a magic missle. Every time the missle came to her, Cathia threw it right in Cillian's face, I guess because of the whole hitting on her mom thing. Night has been having some bad luck at this and took several blasts to the face. Eventually, we decided to work together as a team, and teamed up on Sal, making him go out of the game first. A new round is beginning so I had better stop writing and get to blasting. Might as well enjoy the fun before the next shitshow happens, because you know it will!
Until later,
Dahlia
Character(s) interacted with
Alaric Grimsbane - Dahlia's Dad
Isadore Grimsbane - Dahlia's Mom
Fred Franic - Cathia's Dad
Cathy Franic - Cathia's Mom
Stone with Fangs - Night's Dad
Whisper Through the Trees - Night's Mom
Lobilela Thunderbrand - Skoldreg's Mom
Yogrin Thunderbrand - Skoldreg's Dad
Naviask - Cillian's Dad Master Boss Person Demon Guy
Piper Lilu - Hot goblin, first year student
Sal Lilith - Suave Elf, first year student
Tilana Kapule
Isadore Grimsbane - Dahlia's Mom
Fred Franic - Cathia's Dad
Cathy Franic - Cathia's Mom
Stone with Fangs - Night's Dad
Whisper Through the Trees - Night's Mom
Lobilela Thunderbrand - Skoldreg's Mom
Yogrin Thunderbrand - Skoldreg's Dad
Naviask - Cillian's Dad Master Boss Person Demon Guy
Piper Lilu - Hot goblin, first year student
Sal Lilith - Suave Elf, first year student
Tilana Kapule
Mission: Survive family weekend
Location: Strixhaven Campus
In Game Date: Quen'pillar 21, 843
Location: Strixhaven Campus
In Game Date: Quen'pillar 21, 843
Report Date
19 Jul 2022
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