Report: The Wine Must Flow
General Summary
When I heard that some folks were heading to Edeau to search for a missing wine shipment, I knew that I had to join them. I have an eye for the finer things, and I needed to make sure those schmucks didn’t get swindled. I couldn’t let them ruin things for the good people of Gravesend.
When we set out, I wasn’t too happy to see old Elron joining us. Knowing him, he’d try to bless the wine and then smuggle a cut for himself. No one in town believes me when I say not to trust him. Just because I got possessed one time doesn’t mean I’m a total sleaze. What does a guy have to do to win back the people’s trust?
I was hoping that this little errand would be a step in the right direction.
Fortunately, the trip to Edeau was peaceful enough. There might have been a few dirty looks exchanged between me, Patrick, and Elron (excluding the big oaf Russell - I ain’t got nothing against that guy), but nothing noteworthy. Regardless, it’s always a drag traveling with people you don’t particularly like. When we arrived, I needed to wind down a bit.
Russell suggested an ice winery. We got a delightful little tasting, and the server clued us in on a few happenings around town. Good suggestion Russell. Apparently, the harvest hadn’t been very fruitful this year. Everyone was suffering, save for one vinier, Cooper. However, despite his success in business, his health was failing.
At this point, we split up to cover more ground. Edeau was a big town, and who knew where we’d find our next lead. Elron went to the church (of course), Patrick went bar hopping, and Russell headed off to the arts district. Daisy, the big beautiful girl that she was, wouldn’t be able to navigate the arts district, so she came along with me.
With my companion in mind, I looked for a place that could accommodate both of us. I spotted one with a spacious courtyard and some clientele of note. I went inside and was greeted by some of the most beautiful women the town had to offer. So it was that kind of establishment. Looking around me, I could tell that the people here were bound to have the kind of intel we were looking for. I’d just have to take one for the team.
I booked the services of a pair of red-heads. They even had matching tattoos of some fancy red quill. The girls took me aside and serviced me quite well. I was planning on grilling them for information, but they flipped the script on me. They were really good at their jobs. I ended up spilling the beans on a bunch of stuff I shouldn’t have, like the situation in Gravesend, how I lost my finger, and my deal with the Lady of Death.
When they were finished with me, I stepped outside to gather Daisy. I swear, she could tell that something wasn’t right, giving me the stink eye. Or maybe that was the booze; there were a few bottles of the cheap stuff at her feet. The establishment must have treated her well too. Though probably not as well as me. Would they even do that kind of stuff to an elephant?
Tail between my legs, we reunited with everyone at the inn we’d be staying at. I confessed my failed mission, and of course they couldn’t resist ribbing poor Vinny Maze. But at least they realized the gravity of the situation. Patrick and Russell had Daisy lead them back to the brothel to do some damage control, while Elron kept me “company”.
Though I guess that damage control didn’t go too well. Not long after, some tough looking sorts knocked on our door. They had the same tattoos as the girls. The pieces were starting to come together. Fuck.
I heard my name pass through their lips, and I knew I was in trouble. For what exactly, I wasn’t sure. Shouldn’t they be glad I was keeping their girls gainfully employed? But I wasn’t going to stick around to lose any more fingers, or other extremities.
While Elron was chatting them up, I made my exit through the window. I even threw in an Invisibility spell for good measure. But I just couldn’t shake them. I heard their footsteps behind me, dogging me at every step. And there was mention of a magical map? Did they have a trace on me or something? The girls must have slipped it in my drink. I swear that I could hear the clank of the old man’s plate too. Was he ratting me out? That asshole.
Eventually, I ran into Russell and Daisy. I found out what had happened. Russell had transformed them into flies, to try and do some reconnaissance. But the problem with flies is that they’re pests that get swatted at. Which of course Daisy fell victim to. Once she was struck, the polymorph spell on her ended, and she went back to her usual form. Inside the building.
They were just as much on the run as me, so we were all eager to get out of the city. With me in tow, Daisy whisked us away on her broad back.
We made camp in the woods outside of town. I wasn’t convinced that this was far enough, but we didn’t want to leave Patrick and Elron behind. Where was Patrick even? Probably smoothing things out, as the scheming bastard often did. Even I had to admit it was a useful skill. So the best thing Russell and I could do was wait. I paced around, anxious for news. I even scrounged up some shitty forest food to munch on.
Finally, in the morning Patrick appeared. He had indeed been busy. The Red Quill gang was actually called the “Epine mortelee”, whatever that means. They thought that Daisy was my elephant, and that I’d sicced her on the brothel. They were looking for 5,000 gold for repairs. I glared at Russell, Daisy’s actual owner. Besides the indignity of framing me, they’d ruined a perfectly fine establishment.
Patrick had struck a separate deal with Athos Sauv, who I gather is high up in the gang, if not at the top. If Patrick finished off Cooper, we’d be free to go. Also, they still had Elron. If we didn’t do something, they’d do something to the paladin. Oh no.
Of course, the bard was conflicted about offing a probably innocent craftsman. He’d even come to me for advice about it. And Russell.
It didn’t take too long for us to come up with a plan. Patrick left to collect Elron; this wouldn’t work without him. Meanwhile, the rest of us made our way to Cooper’s vineyard in secret. We met up with Patrick and Elron and sought out the man of the hour.
Cooper wasn’t looking too good. Patrick mentioned that he’d been poisoned already. It wouldn’t take much more for him to finally keel over. But that wasn’t what we were here for. Patrick offered him a deal. Fake his death here and resettle back in Bastion (man, did Patrick love picking up the strays). Cooper was reluctant, but he could see he didn’t have much choice. He’d just barely survived the last assassination attempt. He agreed.
As part of the deal, Elron healed the vinier. Now in good health, he was ready for the journey. The journey, which turned out to be pretty short. Russell conjured a gate in the trees, which would transport us directly back to Bastion. Cooper had his men pack everything up and carry it through. When everything was through, he lit a torch and threw it into the vineyard he’d spent so many years cultivating. If he had to abandon it, he wasn’t going to let anyone else get their hands on it.
With the smoke rising behind us, we all stepped through Russell’s portal. Well, except for Patrick. He had a few loose ends to tie up.
-Scribed by Vinny Maze
Adventuring Party: Vinny Maze, Russell, Patrick Smith, Elron Cartwright
05MAY24
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