240509 Just because you are paranoid...
General Summary
Welcome back, my remarkable readers, to the latest instalment of the Tales of the Band of Tomb Thieving Assassins. Indeed, I see you have noticed that they’ve yet to pick a better name for themselves. Kurog suggested “Rock Beaters” or “Flesh Renderers” but I believe the jury is still out on those, rather descriptive, cognomen.
Now where were we? Ah yes, if you’re sitting comfortably? Good, then let us embark on a tale of heroics, treachery and more than a little rambunctious behaviour...
“Bugger!” said Drogon as he tried for a fifth time to get the ring off the Dwarf Ombi’s finger, again forgetting that Ombi was awake and was onboard with the whole plan. He’d told the group everything he knew including the possibility of an Ancient Red Dragon in the lower depths (note
capital letters for such a beast).
Ombi was slapping everyone on the back for a job well done, he’d had his guard slain and he was a free dwarf at last. Sentinel was being a bit prickly about him, something about him not getting out when he could have at any time, and him having selective memory on what he knew and didn’t know.
Jude was quite sure of her spell and Ombi was being very compliant, she’d felt the Gaes spell land. Her eternal confidence in her abilities visibly shining in her eyes, or that could have been the wine she’d sneaked during the interrogation. Sentinel did a lot of glaring and muttering about how things were never this easy. She rolled her eyes as Jude told Ombi all about the secret plans this group was pursuing. Ombi seemed jolly interested in those, I can tell you my delicious bibliophiles, he was very keen to assist.
Ombi offered to lead the band to treasure and that was it, the rest of the crew’s eyes started shining too, gold lust was strong in this team of adventurers. He offered to head out with Drogon to scout the area, oddly no one in the group agreed with that which confused the helpful Ombi. Drogon set out solo and provided a wealth of information, including the repopulation of guards at their posts and yet more ballistae.
The planning committee settled down to debate what to do next but for once it was short and they set out to the treasure room that Ombi promised. Again, he told the team how complicated the traps were on the door and laughed at the thought of a mere halfling being able to undo his
handywork. They reached the door and set up, another classic small-door-in-a-big-door doohickie. Kurog, Jude and Drogon at the front of the room, with Thorg protecting Griff and Sentinel at the rear.
Ombi set to work, pressing this, turning that and lifting various levers. He then knocked on a very specific part of the door, knock, knock-knock, knock-knock-knock. Now, I know what you’re all thinking it was obviously a code type knock, the team looked uncomfortable but really all they heard
was the clink of coins. Ombi opened the door to reveal utter darkness, a spell of some sort. He confidently walked in with Drogon following, Jude shrugged and followed in too. There is just something about an open door, darkness and imminent danger that just got her juices flowing.
Our two heroes cleared the darkness to find themselves in a brightly lit room, it was quite large and looked well maintained with cots scattered against the walls. One major thing was missing, the treasure and one enormous thing was present, some fifteen mercenaries. Evil, plate armoured,
sword wielding, axe brandishing, spell casting and may I say more than a little ugly, they were standing, weapons drawn and facing our two heroes.
“Run!” shouted Jude to Drogon expecting him to stand his ground and fight with her. She found herself choking a bit on the dust from his little feet as he sprinted back out of the door to the rest of the group. Jude faced her attackers, rolled her shoulders, cracked her neck and took quite the
beating before deciding to run back herself. Her armour standing up well to the swords and axes that came her way. The tatters of her pride finally gave way and died, as Ombi positioned himself behind her to deliver the death-blow. He laughed in an evil dwarf way! Jude had time to wonder if
things could have been much easier if he’d just laughed that way earlier.
Now this dwarf assassin had already nearly seen the end of Thorg, so Jude closed her eyes and awaited the blow. Dwarven steel met rusty Charkian chainmail and luck was on Jude’s side as his weapon hit a particular well-made ring in the mail and slipped off. Jude had to make a decision, her
decision, fight or flight. She was angry and the red haze threatened to make her start swinging her fabled mace of ineffectiveness, but the voices in her head told her to run, so she disengaged and ran.
Panting, she turned to hold the door along with Team Heavy Metal, just as a shower of crossbow bolts flew through the opening causing little damage to Kurog and Thorg and missing Jude completely. The darkness dropped to reveal the two opposing groups facing off. Jude could hear
Sentinel muttering still but couldn’t quite make out the words, something like “Mold you stow”.
Team Range returned fire with arrows and Griff sending his own brand of fiery death towards the enemy, Jude and Sentinel fired off some seriously heavy weight magic, lighting up the room even further with Synaptic energy and the power of the sun. Drogon “The Crit” pinpointed his enemy as
his arrows just seemed to swerve and hit the mercs in the eyes and testicles, sometimes both with one arrow.
Team Heavy Metal waded in and wreaked havoc around the drooling and blinded foe. Griff saw Ombi about to make his move, laughed and cast telekinesis, restraining him in place and keeping him hovering in midair. The next thing he knew, Ombi appeared behind him and backstabbed him. The ever-professional and erudite Griff recognised the Misty Step spell and contemplated the move as being quite clever, even as the dagger sank into him. Almost mortally wounded, but still alive Griff shouted a warning. Ombi tried to run, but was taken down by the testicle-targeting Drogon. Seeing the fight was lost, the Mercenary leader backed up and surrendered. He offered to give the band the cash he’d been paid by Snurre. He said his name was Yrkoon, a captain of the Death Company mercenaries from the Sword Cost. Seems our group wasn’t the only one struggling with its name. Sentinel walked past Jude and accidently elbowed her hard in the ribs saying something like “This is all your fault!” but Jude couldn’t quite work it out as she was still grinning from the thrill on the fight against evil. Sentinel talked to the Mercs and secured them for potentially future jobs.
Jude managed to snaffle a rather nice set of plate armour from a corpse, wiping it down with a damp cloth. She made everyone turn around, as she stripped off the ancient chain she’d been wearing for a decade and donned her new set of armour. Griff, proving himself to be a lot more evil than Jude first surmised, proceeded to turn the dead mercs into, well, deader mercs. They rose in their new zombie and ghoul forms. She started to lecture Griff, but Sentinel just pointed at dead Ombi and muttered something like “Shut the duck up, you over-confident cleric”. Jude wasn’t too sure and just smiled her winsome smile. That always worked when people incorrectly blamed her for things.
Everyone camped there and, in the morning, the mercs went south and out, with our team heading north after scouting the path sloping down. They could see a barricade with a single giant manning a ballista facing them. Team Debate settled down for a long session on how to defeat this little
problem. A rather complicated plan was hatched that involved, three spell casters, two plate clad warriors sprinting, and Team Rogue trying the new ring he had, along with a set of magical studded leather, one previous owner. (and no, it was still covered in blood and bits of Ombi-finger– that’s
how he slipped it onto his hand).
The rest is a bit confusing but the giant tried to fire a hammock at Jude, as she banished him to another plane of existence. Our Heavy Metal heroes charged at the barricade and leapt over it, not even needing to check any kind of acrobatics, they were that good ...ahem. Sentinel and Drogon
popped into existence through their Dimension Door to find themselves facing two additional Giants, each with their own cute little pet hell hound. One north and one south. The heroic tanks took to face one giant each and received rocks in the face for their troubles.
Jude could do little but climb over the barricade. Griff ordered his undead horde to dismantle the barricade but saw that it was going to take too long so commanded them over the top. None of them actually succeeded and they all fell back to the ground with various undead limbs snapping.
Griff had to laugh at the comedy of the moment.
On the other side battle was joined, with Sentinel forcing the giant to return to combat after it had started to run. Drogon, Kurog and Sentinel giving it a hard time after killing his doggie. Thorg chased the other down a corridor and screeched to a halt when he heard many more giants in the distance.
Sadly, that is where we have to hold for a while dear reader, mid combat, I know but that’s just the way it went! Please look for my other stories, serialised in the Balder’s Gate Bugle, and be sure to tell my editor that you give them a thumbs up.
Report Date
09 May 2024
Primary Location
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