Meeting the Family
General Summary
If it weren’t for the fact that I needed this reward, I would have never subjected myself to this bus full of absolute hooligans. Knowing Lark, I should have expected this outcome - but nothing could prepare me for her cousin that had an actual tentacle protruding from her body. A slimy, squirmy, tentacle. Medically speaking, how is that even possible? Though, by now - I suppose nothing should surprise me anymore. Regardless, it was truly an out of body experience. Witnessing her mutated family members, one by one, exit the house… It made me all the more impressed by how seemingly normal Lark had turned out, despite how completely strange and bizarre her family seemed. What was this, a circus parade?
Silently forming newfound respect, I hopped off the bus, intending to introduce myself to Lark’s Uncle. Instead, a ruby haired beauty pushed her way past me, making a beeline toward a certain man sitting up front. You could see the honey dripping from her eyes, even through the windows, as she abruptly forced herself into his personal space. Poor guy. He had been busy tending to his collection of guns. As soon as he noticed her, his faced dropped in annoyance. Wishing him the best of luck in fending off her advances, I continued walking.
I reached the side of the bus and slid open the storage compartment. Inside, hefty amounts of gauze, band-aids, and disinfectants were stacked neatly against the right wall. I was glad to have acquired as much supplies as I did, given the size of Lark’s family. To the left was a thin blanket and a flat pillow, folded and piled into the corner. I reached for the chest sitting along the back. In it contained an even wider assortment of medical supplies, mostly scalpels and extra bandage. As I sorted through the items, obnoxious laughter rang through my ears, jarring me from my concentration.
I glanced behind me. Lark’s family continued to exit the house. Biting my lip, I wondered if the stream of family members would ever come to an end. It didn’t seem likely. More and more kept pouring out. A small cluster of them began to form, completely surrounding Lark. It was only natural, given they probably haven’t seen her in quite some time. I sighed. I had really hoped to be leaving soon and get the job over with. The sooner we end it, the better.
From the cluster, skipped a young girl. She approached me, eye’s bulging ever so slightly. With a toothy grin, she shoved a white daffodil into my face. I recognized her from when we had first pulled up. She had been sitting on the porch, contently munching on a surprisingly beautiful bouquet of flowers. Interesting dietary choice, but there are worse things. It’s wishful thinking, but I really do hope we could all get along on this trip. With that in mind, I accepted her offering and watched as she skipped her way onto the bus. For now, I tucked the daffodil behind my ear.
In the sea of anomalies, stood a relatively normal looking man. His head lurched back as he let out another roar of laughter. He swung his tattoo covered arm around a cousin’s neck, pulling him into what I think might have been a hug. I sure hoped he would never attempt that maneuver with me. I had nearly forgotten that he was well acquainted with the family already. He had apparently driven them around previously, and was more than likely desensitized by their blinding eccentricity by now. His other hand gripped a bottle of beer. Figures. All that man needed was a couple of drinks, and he was good to go. Watching him interact with them made me wonder if he wasn’t secretly part of the family already.
Finally, it seemed like the majority were making their way toward the bus. Like a rowdy group of tourists, they boarded in high spirits, chattering amongst themselves. They appeared to be genuinely enjoying each others company. I suppose they are family, no matter how unrelated some of them look. Images of the tentacle girl flashed through my mind. I watched as they cheered and hollered, excitement about the new job lighting their faces. Suddenly, I was reminded of the neighborhood back in Edgerton.
No. Stop it, Kiki. That neighborhood, that family - forget about it. Illusions will never be real, no matter how much you want them to be. I sighed, grabbing a small box of medical supplies and a fine knife from the chest.
Voices clamored from inside. I looked up at the windows. Despite a small traffic jam in the middle, everyone seemed to be finding their seats alright. They were certainly a rowdy bunch. I strongly considered locking myself away into the storage compartment for the entire trip. But, as much as I wanted to, I shouldn’t. I needed to be prepared and ready for any situations that may arise. I’ve learned from experience that if something can go wrong, it will. The universe is unfortunately cruel like that.
I closed the compartment and boarded the bus. Making my way all the way to the back, I sat in the center seat that overlooked the aisle. I had a clear view of the backs of everyone’s heads. Counting myself, there were 23 people boarded. How many people did Lark say were in his family? I couldn’t remember, but there didn’t appear to be anyone else outside.
I pulled the gauze and bandage wrap from the medical box and folded them into a pocket attached to my utility belt. Securing it in place, I took out the fine knife and a small slab of whetstone. The boisterous chatter fell into the background as I focused on the tools in front of me. I felt the bus rumble as it lurched forward. We must have finally started driving. Carefully, I slid the knife against the stone. With clean, precise strokes, the edge of the blade was sharpened. After a few more minutes of continuous careful movement, I inspected the tip. Poking it with my finger, I made a minuscule incision, forming a tiny dot of blood.
A cousin had been staring at me, his eyes, wide and bright. Twirling the knife around in my hand, I motioned for him to sit down. On closer inspection, his lips appeared to be completely sewn shut. Eyes gleaming, he bobbed his head along to the music as the bus rolled on.
We must have passed into Wedgward by now. I looked up to the front to see our driver reaching for another beer. That damned man, didn’t anyone teach him not to drink and drive? I sighed. At least we haven’t had any issues yet. It’s been surprisingly peaceful since we left the farm. No run-ins, no flat tires… smooth sailing.
Just then, the cousin nudged me. He pointed to his nose, sniffing excessively.
The smell of burnt hair and something I did not recognize wafted its way into my nostrils.
All in all, I think this a great leading vignette! The story is littered with many different types of characters, all with their unique quirks, and your writing had me wanting to find out more about them. Because of the detail put into the family boarding the bus, your vignette didn’t require a conflict because I was too interested in these wacky people all crammed together and how they reacted to one another. The scene was also painted very well with small details, such as one about Chaucer: “Eyes still gleaming, he bobbed his [head] along to the music as the bus rolled on.” The “slimy, squirmy” tentacle “protruding from [Lark’s cousin’s] body” was quite striking in the first paragraph, so much so that I think you could have even lead with this!
I think this piece could have really benefited from a good “once over” before publishing. There were some minor issues that I caught while reading that somewhat took me out of the experience. The example I used earlier in my critique had an important word missing, but that was likely the most striking error. The rest were rather small and easier to fix, or perhaps odd stylistic choices, such as the dash after “Though, by now” in the first paragraph. Also, be careful that you don’t repeat phrases or words too often. In the second paragraph, the phrase “you could see” is used twice, and “already” ended three of the sentences in the third paragraph. My final suggestion would be to vary your sentence structure. The number of shorter or abrupt sentences seem to outweigh the longer ones, so be mindful of that. Can’t wait to see what else you write as the semester goes on!