Session 8: Monster Hunter
General Summary
We wait around for our new buddy Larson to show up so we can sell our shit and get the hell out of Gwenhaven. When he finally does show up, most of us are too busy loading up our personality matrixes, so poor TT is forced to actually try and negotiate this deal herself. It goes miserably and Larson and his friends bounce from the lovely bar (which was literally just called Bar) and then the barkeep kicks us out for scaring off her customers. Like any good thing, we refuse to give up and follow Larson to a whole other bar (called The Tavern) and I go in alone to negotiate the deal. While I fumble, I manage to secure the deal, and we go with Larson to collect the gold for the illegal pardon papers we just sold him. Once we got our gold, he tells us to never contact him ever again, except for Owkbanok because he didn’t know him.
We make our way back to the ship, are approached by poachers who want my leopard, and get out by blinding them and telling them a whole bunch of shit about how we don’t want any part in their religion as we have our own. Once back on the ship, it’s onward we go for the kingdom of Calidon to meet with an old, rich fucker who really likes collecting monster parts. The trip there is a week full of fun. I give Tonari his fantasy weed back and we get high together with Owkbanok. We get to learn that Owkbanok is very chatty when high and I’m apparently a paranoid conspiracy theorist. With paranoia getting the best of me, Owkbanok kindly escorts me to my room and puts me to bed. Over the days, I terrorize my co-pilot some more and Amelia finally gets a promotion! She’s moved up from scrubbing shit buckets to being the ship’s lookout, but she almost lost that job by almost giving it to the co-pilot in an effort to save her from me.
Eventually, me and the co-pilot sit down for a friendly chat and finally squash our beef. With our trip cut short by some flawless piloting and navigating thanks to me and TT, we reach the port town of Herminn and this place is just…dead as shit. There’s nothing exciting going on and we head to an inn to rest up. TT is struck with a brilliant plan as we sit and eat dinner together as a proper family and suggests we pillage and take over the town. Most of us agree, except Amelia, who thinks we could sway the monster collector to let us buy the town instead. But we’re pirates and what kind of pirates would we be if we simply bought a town? With our night concluded and some of us not resting well because of the foot traffic through the inn all night because of a certain someone (spoiler alert: it was me), we head out to Calidon to meet with the monster collector.
This city is too nice for some of us and being in a rich man’s home makes me and TT highly uncomfortable. But when TT and Amelia go off to discuss trying to sway this man to our cause and help us take over Herminn, I’m left to talk with him and he seems like a pretty cool dude. 10/10, he knows my mom and because of that, gave me some extra coin on the dragon parts I sold him. He comes back to the ship with us to check out the wyvern skeleton and we ask him about taking the town over. He’s not exactly thrilled about it, but goes to speak with some people after purchasing the skeleton to sway them into letting us buy the town. With that not being our plan, me and TT go forward with the plot to pillage the town and take it by force. Amelia sits it out as she wants no part of it, so we head in to collect some documents about the town’s taxes. Their taxes will now be going to us, so we don’t exactly want people who aren’t paying them sucking up our resources, so they have to die. It’ll send a lovely message to the kingdom’s people too, we figure.
By night, we rally the crew, go over the plan quickly, and begin our reign of terror through the streets. Molotov cocktails are flying, people are dying left and right, and these poor people have to listen to an aggressive and violent band of pirates stomping through and killing their loved ones while screaming at them about their taxes. TT walks around with Antic and the documents, making sure everybody’s names are checked so we don’t accidentally kill the people we need and tries to stay out of the chaos as much as possible. But meanwhile, I’m perfectly in my element and enjoying my time with the crew as we murder our way around town. I try to kick down a door that was barricading and once it splinters, I shove my face through like the goddamn Shining to politely ask everybody inside if they’ve been paying their taxes.
Two out of four of them answer no. Such a shame, but oh well. One of them pleads for his life before he’s killed in front of his friends while I ask the other to step forward and give me all he has. He does so, and then I pull him out of the door to continue the horror movie visuals here before finishing him off. I blow a kiss to the survivors inside before departing to join the rest of my crew. We spend the rest of the night tearing the place apart and continuing taking out the dead weight before returning to the ship. These poor townsfolk will never look at tax season the same again.
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