Lilia Mordorsk

Miss Lilia

On her journey to learn about her heritage, Lillia stumbled upon an old, forgotten temple and became enthralled by the voice of a mysterious being within. Believing the voice to be a sign, she was deceived into accepting a pact which would change her very nature. Sunlight became a blinding, burning force that drove her into the shadows, and she learned that food and water had lost its taste and comfort. Starving, she understood that what she hungered for was blood. Terrified, she ran from the secret temple and from the voice that had ensnared her. While the night shrouded her, she wandered. For every day her hunger grew more desperate. The very heartbeats of passers-by reverberated in her bones. Their breath, their warmth and scent were becoming overwhelming. Still, she fought down the monster that raged within and threatened to spring out and attack. She hid in the shadows, donning a veil over her face to shield herself from the merciless sun. There, she was discovered by another evil that dwelled there...

Current Location

Waterdeep

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Age

Children

Gender

Female

Eyes

Blood red

Hair

Red

Skin Tone/Pigmentation

Pale

Height

5'7" (170cm)

Weight

145 lbs

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Thirtieth Entry

Mother… do you miss your little girl, do you think about her at all. What would you do if you saw her now, if you’d seen everything she’d done to get to this point. I’m so tired. It feels like a part of me has died. Like… something important has shriveled up inside of me. And it sits there, like a withering fruit. Every time I close my eyes, it shrinks a little more. All the seeds in it are blackened, rotting away. I was led around like a beast. And I couldn’t resist… Stupid, frail, useless thing. My body was no longer my own. My hands are still shaking. The things I did, the thing I almost did. I don’t have enough tears. Philip, Erafel, Jade, Tyre and Kavick. Why didn’t he strike true. Rid the world of me. Now I am nothing more than a burden. I know my skills have left me and I’m weaker than before… They’d be better off without me. Why did he give me this weapon… I’m no champion. Is it out of pity, perhaps. I’ll have to return it to him… then what. Go back to Berdusk maybe. I’ve no purpose and whatever heritage I have… nobody cares to share it with me. Perhaps for the best, if it’s as damaged as the rest of me, perhaps it’s better for the world if it dies with me. So tired… but I’m terrified to sleep. I don’t want sleep to take me. Someone take me away from this… Please

Twenty Ninth Entry

Monstrous. How could I give in like that… Jade. I’m so sorry. I should’ve learnt my lesson… I don’t know what to do. I’m so frightened. What if Tyre and Kavick hadn’t been there. I would’ve killed him. My intatible, remorseless hunger would’ve ended his life. “Be a good servant. I’m a good master.” It’s all I can do, to not think about it. But I’m frightened to go to sleep… Why didn’t Kavick stop me.

Twenty Eight Entry

Roses. What was I thinking? Sentimental, pitiful thing that I am. What an infant… And to have once thought that whatever deal I’ve struck might have had gravity or purpose to it. I’m just a moving, breathing skin blood to some far off vampiric nobleman. And this state... it’s permanent. I’ll never change. What’s to become of me? In time will I look at the world dispassionately as an observer, not a contributor. Will I laugh at others’ anguish one day. I’m not sure what I expected really. Or why I’m writing this. I’m just putting off sleeping… It’s been a long time since I slept outside of the High Forest and I’m nervous. I didn’t want to worry anyone, if something happens, I’ll slip away in the early morning. When he’s woken me with feeding it’s usually been before dawn.

Twenty Seventh Entry

Green Holt is pleasant enough, the days have become balmy and the evenings cool. I’ve learnt a lot over the past few days, but as useful as it all seems it feels like I learn more about the people that impart the information than the information itself. Such generosity. I’m not sure why kindness brings me to the verge of weeping like it does. Maybe a normal person would smile at it, say something like ‘ah, that’s the good in the world’, and then see some of the things I do and say ‘low, such monstrous cruelty, how you make me weep’. I suppose my time in the High Forest is coming to an end. But I’ll be happy to try to help Erafel with those creatures, if I can.

Twenty Sixth Entry

Why didn’t he take Jade instead. Why didn’t he take someone USEFUL. How could I have let him down like this, when he’s helped me so many times. What GOOD are these abilities if I don’t use them at the right moment! All my bravado and scaremongering mean NOTHING. Why do I feel like all I do hurt them. If they’re supposed to be ‘mine’, why can’t I protect them. He didn’t fail his task. I failed it for him.

Twenty Fifth Entry

I’ve not written in here for days. Silly really but I just didn’t have the courage to write extensively in front of Kavick. However! I now have my own little room I can scribble away in peace. I don’t feel anywhere near as frightened here. It seems alien to write it, but I feel happy. A genuine sort of happiness, not that sort of flighty joy that comes with fresh bread or… hm, I wonder if I’ll forget how fresh bread tastes over time, will a day come when its smell no longer makes me content and nostalgic. Watching Kavick with Time - play fighting, talking, sleeping all curled up together… I feel lucky to have seen it. Ah, I mustn’t think on how beautiful a thing it is to see or I’ll cry and stain this entry. Of all of them, I’d like this one to remain pristine. I’ve not had any unpleasant dream visitations here either and I feel like I may have actually proved useful for once. Freeing those poor captured creatures, taking down the poachers that kidnapped them. Perhaps it’s just a fleeting thought, but maybe I’m not quite as cursed as I think I am.

Twenty Fourth Entry

Tyre… I wish there was something I could do for you. Sweet, outgoing, gentle man you were given an impossible choice and you took it with grace and fortitude. I wish I could do something for you...

Twenty Third Entry

I’ve met a dragon! A real, breathing, living dragon! Deep Green of Shadowed Heart is her name and she reminds me of one of those finely bread cats. Delicately trotting around with all the grace of a feline at least. We fought some monstrous fish-like creature (well, it looked like a koi carp but larger than any on record) to aid her in preserving her mother’s remains. I was, as to be expected, relatively useless. The creature had the control of the wildlife around it and dragged me underwater at one point. I was certain I was going to drown and the most horrible fear took ahold of me. It was as if I could hear myself screaming from a distance as I was dragged in. I uselessly struggled. It wasn’t until Kavick jumped in, wearing full armour no less, to free me. Even after I managed to scramble to the surface I was equally inert as it performed some sort of light-based attack… The last thing I saw was Tyre propping me up to heal me. What must the three of them (four, I suppose, with Deep Green of Shadowed Heart) think of me… What a horrible burden I’ve become. Cursed by one who’s cursed.

Twenty Second Entry

I suppose I ought to talk about the demonic creature that appeared to attack Jade and the rest of us, or about how bitterly disappointed in his near pathological lying, but strangely enough I’m much more fascinated with the graves’ keeper. The Bone Eater. What a macabre, beautiful individual. A quiet sentry for the dead, and a deadly one at that. They had a curious benevolence to them when they spoke and regardless of a distance from mortals (or otherwise, who even really knows what I am) there was a great empathy. Strange that only Kavick and I could hear them though, I wonder why that is. I can’t say I’m enormously surprised that Kavick could hear, I mean, what can’t he do honestly. But me? Probably some clerical error on some long lost scroll, or it’s Lord Onésime’s powers.

Twenty First Entry

The very moment I start trusting people they so impeccably remind me why life is nothing more than a set of scales. An offer of sustenance from a butcher is only met moments later with a wild goosechase lie. The person I’m truly angry with is myself, for thinking things are anything but the way they are.

Twentieth Entry

I.. wish the Gods believed in me. I’m so frightened. Do I deserve to die? Was this curse just an extension of my own death. I don’t want to go to sleep tomorrow evening. I don’t want new bite marks on my neck to hide. I wish I could disappear into the dark, sleep until he forgets about me. I can’t even ask for help… I did this to myself.

Nineteenth Entry

I think I met another… person like me today. Her name is Farangis. She was so poise and collected. I felt myself stammering in front of her like a child. Moron. Who would’ve thought that in this condition I would still be so affected by my very mortal emotions. Shame, embarrassment, confusion. She called me a fledgling. It made me feel like this fragile, hollow-boned creature. I mean to speak with her again. Perhaps next time I’ll be able to form full sentences.

Eighteenth Entry

The Lanngolyn Estate makes me uncomfortable. Not for its finery or even its inhabitants. There's something about being there that sets my teeth on edge. When that Zone of Truth was cast there was no way I was going to step into it. Not a chance. The truth is damning, just like silence is. Seeing Elisa pained me. Losing my faculties like that would break me. Just witnessing it made a strange concussion of fear, anger and rage boil in me. To curse even a foe with that disgusts me. As if Tyre hasn’t gone through enough...

Seventeenth Entry

Another dream (vision?). These don't feel benevolent. They're frightening. None of them are 'mine', the thought of owning a creature makes me feel sick. Those fingers in my shoulders make me feel small. Like I can't do anything. Maybe they'll subside in time... I don't want to worry anyone about them. Besides, I'm capable of dealing with my own problems.

Sixteenth Entry

I had a feeling I'd be able to do it, and with the incence Tyre gave me (where does he find things, honestly), I managed it! I will call him Philip! He's a mute, sweet little creature with horns not so unlike mine and an appetite to match it. Hm, writing that makes me feel sad... Smoked salmon and dry white wine on a picnic blanket on the outskirts of Berdusk. Talk of travel plans come the autumn. Muted laughter at village gossip. What a lifetime away that feels.

Fifteenth Entry

Back at this place. Walking into the basement made bile claw up my throat. Erafel (I hope I've spelt her name right) seemed very sincere. She took away from the ugliness of my memories. Nice to hear things kept in the dark aren't seen as 'monsters' to everyone.

Fourteenth Entry

I was a little sad to leave behind Lil' and Dande, Dande in particular. Such a sweet little boy. I'm glad we were able to help him. Well, I say we. I was less involved with helping him than everyone else with their martial skills. Getting a letter from mother was like feeling a numb limb wake up. A sharp wash of emotion. I'm glad everyone's well. Probably rarely spare a thought for me, at least I hope so. Being this thing that I am now I wouldn't want them to know me, how I live.

Thirteenth Entry

What was that dream. Was it even a dream, or a vision? Brought on by Kavick's blood or by "praying" (if one can even call it that...) at the altar. I'm exhausted and I've only just got up. Apparently we're "going on patrol" today. Bit nervous really... I don't know the area and how am I going to go out to find food--sustenance--without being spotted. What do I even say if I am? "Oh don't mind me, I'm just going out to drink the blood of some defenseless creature, you carry on with your eggs and bread." --- I really don't like wisps. --- Lyralin, planeswalker of the ten thousand radiant lilies. Who in the hells does she think she is. "Interesting"? Right, why doesn't she try it for a bit. She made me so angry... I wanted to do more than snap at her. I'm just angry because I'm hungry. Is it hunger or thirst? It feels like hunger. I feel like he really took that from me... Strange. Of course the blood from the tree wasn't fit for consumption. Then I go and snap at the only person who's been decent to me throughout this. I need to calm down, get myself in order.

Twelfth Entry

I’d forgotten how often people eat. Watching it seems so alien to me. All I can think is how tiring it must be to get energy out of a little bread roll. Who puts a bread roll on a stick? It’s like a baby’s rattle, it’s sort of adorable. Saw Jenna, sweet Lil’ and Dande this morning. They’re safe and well. What a kind woman Jenna is, she reminds me of mother. I wonder if mother thinks of me at all. --- I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. Praying to a ‘Lord’ that barely recognises me. Who only appears to me in words through the filter of tongues in my dreams. Maybe I’m just mad. I’m just at home dribbling and swaying back and forth gently on mother’s old rocking chair. --- How much booze could Tyre and Evan put away between them. Those two are impossible. Was Kavick drinking as well? I think I smelt that same mashed alcohol on him. My lips were not tightly sealed enough when Tyre queried me about myself. That was foolish. --- Who left this for me… Heady, abrasive and weighed with a pleasant singe. I drank it before I questioned its origin. Now I lie here in bed feeling uncomfortably exposed. That little itch getting scratched just enough to draw blood. Take me now into a pitch, dreamless sleep.

Eleventh Entry

Look at this rich, little boy on the floor. Drunk as a skunk. How did Tyre ever survive on his own. Same could be said of Evan half the time.

Tenth Entry

I have the brazier and charcoal. Now I just need incense and herbs. I can imagine it. Little thing trotting around in my mind. Would it have eyes like mine. My eyes were red from birth. Like blood. --- I want these children to be safe. I was supposed to focus on what’s happened to me, but I want them to see Lil’s mother first. Seems more important. Innocents rank higher than the damned.

Ninth Entry

Such power. I looked in its eyes and watched its head explode at my will. Should I feel guilt for violence? I can justify it away with notions of: “they were attacking innocent children” But if that’s the case then why did it give me such a thrill. Killing in the name of protecting others, isn’t that a total oxymoron. Have I always felt this way but now I embrace it. I never used to so much as kill a house spider. Did this all spawn from what happened at the Touchstone of Midnight. --- I’m ravenous. Everyone’s asleep. They look so delicate. I’ll go and find something just to settle my… stomach. Hah! What a thought.

Eighth Entry

Tyre’s going out. He mentioned something about the convicts, I’m pretty certain two of their numbers are those men that saved me. I spotted them being carted away from that… place. Slaver’s Pit. I’ll pursue them from a distance. Fob Temperance off with some lie about an upset stomach. What a thought that is… Upset with what I wonder. Not enough iron? Hah. My appearance will probably draw attention to me. Funny how being a Tiefling is now the least of my concerns. No bother. I can bat my eyelashes and insist on how terribly feeble and ineffectual I am. Nothing quite like sounding defenseless to calm other peoples’ suspicions.

Seventh Entry

How long has it been? Months maybe. Temperance, the cook here at Deygoth Manor, took pity on me and hired me. Not long after the Manor’s son came home. He seems like the softest of the lot. And here I thought the youngest always ended up the most spoilt. I miss home. I can’t go back to Berdusk like this… Maybe those two who set everyone free will have the wit to know what this is. What I’ve become. At night I go out into the woods and I spot little things moving. These new canines make short work of them… Then I snap their necks, tear the skin. Make it look like one beast against another. Not such a stretch of the imagination really.

S̶̛̟ȋ̸̠x̷̜͒t̸̪̚ḧ̷͓ ̷͕́E̷̢̋ṇ̴̓t̶̡̉r̶͖̒y̸͖̅

e̵̖̽̉ṡ̷̺̱̻̣̪̿c̵͈̺͒̓̕à̵̡͎͙̠̜̮̉̈́̉́̚p̵̠̭͕̐̿̎͜ȩ̸̲̥̄͗̂̚͠

Fifth Entry

I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.

Fourth Entry

If someone finds this diary my name is Lilia Mordorsk. I don’t know what I did in that temple but before I could figure it out I was captured and have been taken by my will and held in this place. If you find this, tell my family in Berdusk that I love them and that I’m sorry I left.

Third Entry

I think I’ve found it. Staying overnight in a ramshackled place in the sticks. Tomorrow morning I go there first thing. Get to the root of why I’m this way. Can I even undo it?

Second Entry

Stopped off at another inn further on the trail. I feel scared to go into the forest alone, ended up hesitating for ages. I wish Velo was here.

First Entry

First time out of Berdusk in a long time. Saying good-bye to mother and father was difficult. Selmoor just said ‘see you later’ and went off down the pub. Like it was nothing at all. When I left it threatened rain but cleared up nicely. The sun feels good on my skin. I stuck to the roads, found this little wayside inn. The food was nice and wine was cheaper than home. Strange to go to sleep without saying good-night to anyone.