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Bed, Bath, & Begone

Bed, Bath, & Begone is a roadhouse found on the Slaveresmåtei a scant 5 miles west of Helsoynes.   Blessed by its seat on the bank of the Mortad River and its owner (Regning Renbunn), the inn features a well-kept bathhouse. The establishment proudly boasts a selection of salves and oils to stave off infection, disease, grime, and stank making it the perfect stop to prepare for a journey into (or even better) out of that stinking cesspit of a city.   Regning Renbunn fosters a bitter rivalry with the next roadhouse along the Slaveresmåtei - Ivarr's Keep & Excellent Alehouse.   Although Regning Renbunn is a frantic fixture within the establishment, day-to-day management of the inn is overseen by his wife, Blomst Renbunn.

Purpose / Function

When heading eastward, the roadhouse serves as the final stop before Helsoynes. Heading west, it is the "only place worth staying before you reach the Enikavik River Crossing 23 miles away!" (even though Ivarr's Keep & Excellent Alehouse is 16 miles to the west).   The continuous stream of cool, and more importantly CLEAN, fresh water of the Mortad River is the main benefit for its clientele.


The original homestead consisted of five rundown single-storey homes, each with its own vegetable patch, centered around a small barley field, and ringed by a 15 ft wooden wall. A small fishing hut was built over the river's edge to allow winter fishing.   The original Halfling homes were converted into the Mortad River Roadhouse (complete with indoor stables) when the three Halfling families were forced to cohabit in the one remaining home.   The Bed, Bath, & Begone is a well maintained two-storey building that was constructed in the center of the property by Regning Renbunn's great-grandparents during the development of the Slaveresmåtei.   A bathouse was added to the fishing hut by Regning Renbunn's grandparents.


Bed, Bath, & Begone was originally a homestead that housed a few Gnome and Halfling families who barely managed to produce more barley and root vegetables than they consumed (they would have likely perished were it not for the small fish caught from the Mortad River).   The Renbunn family emerged as the preeminent household after years of scrupulously hoarding their share of the grain (and refusing to brew beer) by indebting the other families during one particularly harsh winter. No longer restrained by inter-family politics, the Renbunn family successfully boosted the homestead's productivity so that they could profitably trade with travellers on their way to the burgeoning settlement of Helsoynes.   The Mortad River Roadhouse unofficially opened when the Halfling families were forced to cohabit so their former homes could be transformed into a small inn and indoor stables, and over the years the business grew.   The Renbunn family were strong supporters for the construction of the Slaveresmåtei and the formation of the Barnema Trade Company in hopes that the improved roadway would lead to an explosion in patronage. Patronage did increase; however, the Renbunn family failed to anticipate the shift in natural waystations (since travellors could get go farther per day with the new roadway) would exclude their establishment and limit their growth potential in favor of Ivarr's Keep & Excellent Alehouse.   Regning Renbunn's grandparents devised the idea of a bathhouse during a bitter argument after navigating the disease-addled slums surrounding Helsoynes in the peak of summer.   Regning Renbunn took over the business upon his father's death and pressed to expand the business into ointments and salves (and opening a flower shop at the behest of his wife, Blomst Renbunn).
Alternative Names
Mortad River Roadhouse
Parent Location
Characters in Location

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Sage SailingOcelot
Sailing Ocelot
1 Feb, 2021 08:28

Nice article. I like the name of roadhouse, and I found the rivalry amusing. It might be funnier if you remove the first use of the brackets (16 miles to the west) in the first section, so its fresh when you read the joke underneath the Purpose/Function heading. I also recommend not linking Bed, Bath & Begone in this article. There seems to be lots of interesting links here and the article gives a nice insight to your world.

~~~~~~~~ SailingOcelot
Mark Laybolt
1 Feb, 2021 16:27

Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate you for catching the duplicate mention for the relative proximity between BBB & IKEA. I've cleaned up the article and shifted some of the content into tooltips to shorten some of my sentences.   Happy February :) -xtremepsy (Mark)