Session Report 48 - One Last Grin
General Summary
"Are you just going to wave that knife around forever and act like we don't have a reason to look down on you? What were you doing after heartstopper - the King of The Green Sea. You ran, you didn't do much of anything, that's what. I don't see anything noble about that, but then again, I'm sure being noble has never crossed your mind once!"
-Lou Saltserver, to Grinnin' Lazzo
Miss The Monistary
Anchored outside the next isle, The Drifters settle down for the night to get some rest. In the morning, the crew considers whether it is worth exploring the isle with the storm fast approaching. Nora pipes up, noting that she's encountered a few of the people of this isle. It's known as The Monastery of The Lily and is the home to an order of mercenary monks. She says nothing much is to be gained from heading to the isle, especially given that the all-female monastery wouldn't welcome the mostly male crew. As Locke is about to order the ship to raise anchor and move on, Nora slips up and mentions the monastery's sacred scrolls. The prospect of stealing them makes Locke pause, but the group ultimately decides to still leave, rushing for The Fountainshine to hopefully weather the oncoming storm there.Stormy Sailings
A large storm approaches from the west, rolling in behind the ship as it sails its very best, trying to get to The Fountainshine as fast as it can. The crew makes strong efforts on the first leg of the journey, but as the day wears on the group gets more and more exhausted. The storm picks up from behind, and as the late afternoon comes, the storm hits the ship in full. Sailing is tough, but the crew quickly buckles down. With Gunther's rallying of the troops, Ramone's solid plotting of the correct course, and Locke's work at the wheel, the ship, having suffered minimal damage and no loss of crew on account of the storm, pulls towards The Fountainshine.The Land of 240 Proof Rum
Much of the crew heads inland on the docks of The Fountainshine, a small island whose settlement could barely be called a village on its meagre size. Nonetheless, the tavern is warm, and Locke moves to buy a round for the crew. The first question to come from the barmaid is "What proof". Locke asks for something middle of the line in terms of booziness, to his surprise, ends up buying 120 proof for the entire crew. The highest offered is a 240-proof rum, somehow breaking the laws of reality. One of the locals briefly explained that the rum wizards and the vodka wizards have come together here to pioneer a special brewing technique to put alcohol into alcohol.Meanwhile, Gunther finds himself at the bar. He clutches the Shumba Sham tightly and looks down at his locket of Cordelia while ordering round after round of high-proof drink. He seems not to be doing too well. Not too well at all.
After an hour or two, and now in the early hours of the morning, much of the crew is tipsy, Gunther is piss drunk, and Laire has served a small portion of a hellish concoction - the elvish alcohol combined with dum-dum fruit juices - to some of the patrons, to their instant regret. The storm continues to rage outside as many of the crew members begin to turn in for the night. Then, from the darkness and through the waves, a ship pulls into the cove. The Sharkbite.
The Man Who Grins No More
The senior crew recognizes the ship before it has even docked. Gunther is the first to catch wind, and exits the tavern, heading straight in the direction of the ship. Grov and Laire try their best to calm their friend down and bring him back inside, though he resists a bit. The group reasons that Lazzo doesn't recognize their new ship, and preys to the Goddesses that Lazzo still doesn't pick fights in taverns.Bursting into the Fountainshine Tavern, Grinnin' Lazzo points a flintlock at the barmaid and demands five barrels of alcohol. This isn't the first time the barmaid has seen him but is still decently afraid. It takes Lazzo a few seconds to recognize The Drifters, during which time Laire goes invisible. He passes his hellish concoction to the barmaid and asks that she spike Lazzo's barrels if she can. Lazzo, finally seeing The Drifters, immediately gets confrontational. His scar hasn't faded and he is pissed. He doesn't grin like he once did - the smiling psychopath of the past has been replaced by an angry, slightly drunk, and clearly emotionally unstable man. Gunther doesn't help Lazzo's emotional state, talking down to him and provoking him at every chance he gets, sloshed as he is. Lazzo responds with threats in kind - promising to flay anybody who says a work against him, though maintains his rule not to fight in taverns.
Finally having had enough of this, Lou finally speaks up, berating Lazzo and speaking strong. The formerly soft-spoken girl tears into him. Lazzo has to hold himself back, pointing his defingering knife at her with one hand, and, with the other hand, clutching his arm to contain himself. He sets out a challenge for The Drifters - meet him just north of The Isle of Statues on the noon after the storm resolves, and he'll kill them all - as slowly and painfully as he's able to. With that, he has his men begin hauling the (now spiked) barrels away and turns his back. Gunther, seeing this opportunity, raises his gun, but Ramone manages to stop him from doing anything reckless with it. However, Gunther proceeds to use magic, casting a bolt of light at Lazzo which misses and hits the doorframe. With some quick thinking from Locke, an unfavourable conflict manages to be avoided, and Lazzo leaves for now.
Calling The Shots
The Drifters consider the next move. The storm is to end in a day or two, so they have that much time to prepare. Gunther isn't happy that the group didn't try to take Lazzo out on land - after all, he's got an advantage at the sea. However, after much deliberation, the group decides that it's still worth it to confront him on the sea, even if he has a powerful ship, even if he picked the time and location. As a safety measure, though, they call Scarlet Herring, who they know is nearby, and invite her to, "watch us kill Lazzo" - hoping that she might be of assistance if need be.The Sharkbite Strikes
A day and a half later, on the evening of August 5th, the storm begins to clear. The Drifters set off in the wee hours of the morning, headed south to head to The Isle of Statues. Just before noon, Sloth calls out - he can see The Sharkbite in the distance. The Red Herring is present too, though further off. The gleam of a telescope can be seen - Scarlet is watching. Before The Flying Flagon is even within optimal firing distance, Lazzo orders the first round of shots be fired, thus commencing the battle.The Sharkbite is well-equipped, and sports several powerful cannons and a reinforced hull. The Drifters are immediately aware that melee combat is likely the better option, as Lazzo's ship is easily better equipped to sink theirs than the opposite. The sails are cast to full, and much of the crew is sent belowdecks to man the oars. The Flying Flagon speeds towards The Sharkbite, naval ram at the ready. Meanwhile, Lazzo dedicates all his manpower towards firing volley after volley of cannon rounds upon The Drifters, doing a sizeable amount of damage to the hull of their ship. Grov stands at the bow of the ship, channelling the storm, and Zarkina sends forth a stir of waves, driving the ship ever forward.
As The Flying Flagon draws in, Lazzo maneuvers his ship such that the two collide head-on, instead of getting T-boned. The naval rams collide, and Lazzo's is destroyed completely, the remainder of the force being directed into a solid hit on his hull. Melee and small-arms combat breaks out.
A Final Defingering, A Final Grin
Before either side can board, Locke pulls out a tool that he has been saving for a long while - the firebomb that was claimed alongside The Driftwood all that time ago. He flips two of its switches and hands it to his familiar Smith, who heads to the deck of The Sharkbite and detonates it, mortally wounding several of Lazzo's crewmembers and injuring many more.Lazzo, and his first mate/cousin Dazzo, are quick to board the enemy ship, wreaking carnage. Laire casts a spell to slow Dazzo in his tracks, rendering him much less useful. Lazzo, meanwhile, wielding his two scimitars, leads an all-out assault against Laire, slashing at him repeatedly. Locke is forced to teleport Laire out of a Lazzo's grasp in order to leave him safe. Gunther, Grov, Ouchie, Nora, and Sinkbasothei all try their best to strike Lazzo down. Even surrounded by five people, Lazzo is no pushover. His crewmates move in to try to give support, his gunners provide cover fire, and Lazzo chooses his next target - Gunther. However, before he is able to wound Gunther too severely, the dwarf pulls out his flintlock and lands a strong shot against Lazzo, hitting him right through his left hand and forcing him to drop one of his scimitars in pain. Lazzo, now hurting a fair bit, casts aside his other scimitar and pulls out his dagger, lunging at Gunther.
Lazzo manages to kick Gunther to the deck, and, before he is able to react, Lazzo finally lets forth a wide grin - and moves down with his knife, slicing off the pinky, ring, and middle finger on Gunther's left hand. The pain is too much too suddenly, and Gunther loses consciousness. Seeing this, Grov is furious. He takes large heavy swings on Lazzo, connecting and hitting him hard in the back. The king begins to bleed profusely. Locke and Marigold follow this up with a hail of magical fire. Lazzo coughs up blood and one of his teeth. Finally, Ouchie comes in, raising his ouchie stick high. Lazzo, seeing his impending death, begins to call for quarter, but Ouchie brings down the club before Lazzo has a chance to finish what he's saying. A distinctive crack can be heard as Lazzo's neck snaps and he crumples to the ground.
Dazzo dives into battle, trying to avenge his captain, but is quickly killed by The Drifters too. The remaining crew of The Sharkbite, seeing their loss, raise the white flag.
Treasure Befitting a King
Gunther is rushed below decks for immediate treatment, and the other members of the crew injured in the fight try to recuperate. Aboard The Sharkbite, The Drifters find a truly kingly haul - money and valuables amounting to nearly 100,000 gold, and a small array of powerful magic items. The Drifters begin to pick the ship clean of everything it's worth... but the details of that can be found in the following report.
Report Date
03 Jun 2023
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