Rebirth as Your Gender
"Please welcome Felaan as he is reborn a man today!" - From the literature of the rebirth ceremony
So, you want to speak to someone about what we do when someone doesn't fit into our gender roles. I'm not sure I am the best person to talk to. I'm just the mother of a man who was born into the wrong body, but I will do my best to tell you what I know.
Some parents know that their child is in the wrong body from birth. However, I was surprised when my son, Felaan as he is called today, shared with me that despite being born a girl, he was a man. He had already arranged with the temple to undergo the ceremony officially recognizing the change in roles. That didn't leave me much time to think since there were preparations to be made.
Components and tools
With Felaan's ceremony scheduled, I became a general directing an army of sewists. Every woman and even some of the younglings in our community wanted to help. Since the first part of the ceremony calls for the person changing to "die" to their old gender role, we sewed him a special burial gown and coverlet. If you are a noble, buying silk from the local mercer is easy. Having far more limited means, we dyed yards of ramie cloth, our neighbor donated to us a beautiful autumn orange, the color of change. The womenfolk quickly stitched the simple garment.
The coverlet took more time. To make it, we cut panels out of my silk wedding dress and quilted them into the shape of a tree. Then my army brought cloth from their work baskets in every color of the rainbow. These they cut into flowers and appliqued them to the coverlet. Since Felaan's favorite creatures are caterpillars and butterflies, Aefa, who has the neatest hand, embroidered them on the coverlet. Several times, we had to run my son out of the workroom because he kept trying to help. It's very bad luck for the person to work on their own grown or coverlet.
Observance
The ritual takes about a month and has three parts: the funeral, mourning, and the rebirth. A human might think this is lengthy, but for me, it seemed fast. Five weeks is a short time to get used to the idea that the little girl who looked so cute in her ruffly dresses was, in fact, a boy.
For the most part, the funeral is the same as if the person had truly died. The "body" was washed. Never has a dead body giggled the way Felaan did. Then, we wrapped him in linen strips, dressed him in his burial gown, and laid him on a stretcher in the local temple. Finally, we placed the beautiful coverlet that the village made over his body.
The service took over an hour, yet I can't say that I remember much of what the priest said. Many of Felaan's fellow villagers shared loving memories of his life as a girl, especially his friends. When it was my turn to speak, I kept thinking about all the mother-daughter things I had been looking forward to. So my carefully prepared speech came out as incoherent blubbering, instead.
After the funeral, Felan was whisked away by the priests. Most temples have a room set aside for contemplation and prayer. Usually, it's cut deep into the cavern's rock walls so one can be surrounded by earth. For the person changing roles, the next month is considered a deeply private time for prayer, reflection, and preparation for the rebirth into their true gender. So I don't know Felan's experiences, but I have been told that most of the time is spent reading, praying, or talking to a priest. Special meals are prepared with symbolic foods meant to fortify the body for the change. A few lucky or wealthy people can convince a magic user to reshape their body to match their gender. I wish I could do that for my son.
During the month Felaan was "buried", our neighbors kept dropping by to check on me. Each appeared armed with a casserole. I kept telling them I was fine and could cook for myself. It wasn't like my child had actually died. I might miss out on some things that I would do with a daughter, but I would have all the things that mothers do with sons. My protests didn't seem to slow them down one bit. I will admit it did take a minute to change my perspective. Felaan had not changed, only how we saw him.
The village womanfolk spent most of the last week while Felaan was away cooking for his celebration. While there is no standard menu for the celebration, most people cook the person's favorite foods. So I saw to it we made plenty of every one of Felaan's. To go with the food, it is traditional to serve clove pinks wine. Clove pinks are a lovely flower that, despite their name, come in a rainbow of colors with a spicy clove or allspice flavor. It's this wide range of colors, while still having the same flavor, that makes them traditional. It symbolizes that while the person may have changed roles, they are still the same person they have always been.
The rebirth ceremony starts at the temple. I was so excited to see him. As Walai is my witness, never was there a man as handsome as he was standing there dressed in his new clothes. The liturgy was blessedly short because I just wanted to hug. Once the temple stuff was over, we went back to our home and had a lovely party with food and music, laughter, and dancing. And while I am not in Felaan's skin, so I don't know for sure, he seemed much happier and somehow more himself. And that, of course, made me extremely happy as a mother.
I hope that answered your question. Or perhaps, the simpler answer is better - as a parent, we love them and do what we can to make them comfortable in their skin.
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