A Castrovel Adventure: Part 4, Chapter 18

In which Lady Vaeol contemplates her fate.

From the Daylog of Vaeol-Zheieveil Yaranevae be’Son

11. Shenelae, 24,543 - Leiss-Farmhold, Lea [continued from Chapter 17]
Yestermorn we awoke ere foredawn. Remaue and Kaure swiftly clothed, but did not give me mine. Instead, they donned me in a rough gumcloak, rightly not ladywise. Yet it had one behoof in hiding the thrall’s neckband and the fetter’s upper half, though not the lower half, which Remaue handily tied to her belt. We met Istae, Erymi, and Oshis in the hallway. Oshis looked me guiltily, and I bethought him still torn between my faith and Remaue’s, and ruing his share in yesternight. We five took fare while Istae bade she would come laterward with Taiase and Vosaeth, after they settled business here in the city, and also yielded fee for the shamefully wrecked room from my birthmight outburst. Then we left.
We took the first ferry to the landfarthing almost ere the sky lightened, and thankfully the only farers. Even with the gumcloak, I feared the boatman might see my fetter, as I had feared even the few folk we had met while coming downward. The shame of an outrider shackled like a bound outlaw or thrall, and even worse if it became folksomely known, stirred dread in my belly. Even once the streetstones rattled as a wild mood overcame me, until Remaue yanked the fetter and hissed me still. Meekly I followed, and then sat through the boatfare while the mainland shore bobbed near. Once aland, I could not reach the stallbarn swiftly enough, at which Remaue again haltered me. They let me saddle Ess myself. Then we upsteeded. I outrode beside Remaue, my fetter clanking between.
Another trial outstood when Leiss’s hometree rise into sight: somehow we must outlay this happendom to our hosts Mirazael and her manmates. At Remaue’s ask, Erymi and Oshis rode ahead first. What they told the farmholders I had no thought until we came and found them five awaiting. Against my worry, Mirazael hugged me soon as I unsteeded and wished me peace. She then told that she had behaved like a mad queen while under her birthmight, and that when she was bechild with Elarue, such a wrath-throe had overtaken that her two manmates had to wrestle her into a tree-bower (she outbeckoned to one above) and had locked her inside, yet she had blasted the wicker door off the frame, and she is rightly even no learned soul-seer, but merely a tree-singer with some other knacks. Then she bade me fret not, and offered all help her kindred has. With that ruthful word, the farmholders left us alone.
I witted Draue, Tae, and Less stirring, and some of the children. While Erymi and Oshis greeted them, Remaue and Kaure hurried me up to our bower. They led me inside, set me in a bight, without bed, bench, or stool, byr with a seat-pillow, a jar of winewater, and a relief pot, and staked my fetter to a wall. Then they left. When the wicker door slammed shut, I flinched.
I slept again, for after the nighttide, my fraught brain could not offward the darkness, under which wakefulness became a curse best shunned. In sleep I found forgetfulness, yielding ease for both my soul and body, which under my ordeal and bechildness’s weight I sorely needed. I woke at full day, maybe forenoon, and heard many throats talking outside: Remaue, Erymi, and Tae truly, but also Vosaeth’s gloating laughter, which betold the others had already come from the city.
A while later, in came Kaure bearing a bowl. She set it afloor before and bade me eat: riceberry porridge seethed in tree-milk, and tasted with spicebark and myrrh. Hunger overcame, and I gulped the porridge. Kaure sat with me while I ate. When I ended, she kissed me, which almost made me weep again. Then she told Remaue had sent her to watch my health. When I asked where our wifemate was, my maidenmate answered she was speaking below with the others, and who were overtalking what they should do with me. At that word, I sobbed, at which Kaure told that, if I mislike this shame, I may merely outspeak. Then I will be free, and all will be forgiven. She added, however, that Remaue would still have word with me over what had outbefallen with Oshis. Then she asked what answer she should bode back.
I hugged her, so relieved to hear forgiveness near. Yet still I off-fought dread burrowing within my soul, a fear that something still begrudged. Forgiveness or no, ~Thali-mei vimaeavi,~ I spoke: “This doom owns me.” ~Ithaea-ruaelf.~ - “I will take it.”
A sob shook Kaure’s mighty shoulders, though whether from thrill or ruthful sorrow I could not tell. My maidenmate kissed me again, and said she would so tell. Then she took the dish and went.
A tide later, Kaure again incame, this time leading Remaue’s hand. I stared at our heaven-tressed wifemate in hopeless love. Unreadably she gave back my look, which only greatened my dread. Then she sat before afloor, so near almost knee to knee, while Kaure took a stool arear. 
I lowered my head. Yet Remaue lifted it to her eyes. Then her antennae twined with mine, and we found mindshare, in which I bewitted ruthful love. Overcome, tears wept from my eyes.
Then she told me of her bet with Vosaeth, who had said I could not withhold from Oshis, though Remaue said I could. After she forbade me, she had almost bethought I would forbear until Oshis saved my life from the moldstorm. She had witted how thankful love had overwhelmed me and did not even begrudge. Then she outspoke I could have shriven my deed and needed not hold it secret, and she would have happily yielded the bet. Yet I had instead behaved so unselfly. 
My sorrow deepened, for this thought had never bloomed. What bemeans that I had loved such guilt, forwhy I had understood the sin? Remaue swiftly soothed me. She told I had not been in fully right mind for some months, and laid hands on my swollen belly. The birthmight’s mood had overcome me long ere my weird might-show yesternight, and she had well witted my swinging throes.
Then she acknowledged Kaure had told my wish to take guilt-doom. Yet she asked me herself whether I would be freely forgiven, forsake the ring-fetter on my neck, this locked room, and cleave again with our lovers and flagmates. She bade the choice mine.
I gazed at my wifemate. Heavily I spoke that I felt unworthy of her love, but wished to be so worthy. 
Remaue smiled sadly and kissed me. She said we shall play this boot-trial, though she read that, at the end, not only must I let her forgive me, but I must forgive myself.
She next told the children would meet, forwhy they had witted my sorrow and wondered what had befallen. With my leave, in came Lenis, Tesine, and Lanaryel, who ran and hugged me, and whomfrom I could not withhold tears. Then Lenis keenly asked whether I had been naughty. I could merely laugh sobbingly. Then I shrove I had indeed been naughty, and that I should stay some while here bound to become good again. I asked their help at goodness, and that they should show me how to heed Mother-Remaue and the other wives and to listen in all wise. They left with forespeech to show me their best listfulness, though I wonder Lanaryel gloated somewhat at my bondship. She is enough Remaue’s daughter that I reckon she may so begladden.
Afterward incame Lady Taiase, who sat with me. She asked what I reminded of the first lorewhit from the Ihezhoshu, where we had both learned. I answered that self-reeveship of one’s heart and mind is the key to right wieldship. She nodded blessingly, and then asked whether I bethought I had shown self-reeveship yesternight. The truth was too eyesome to even need answer, though I overthought Taiase’s tale that she had shattered the Blossom-Window back in Son while under birthmight’s mood-throe. She read my thought and nodded ruefully. Then she bade we should work the elder drilltides we had both learned at the Ihezoshu to halter my mood from overwhelming. Thus now I am writing this log not by hand, but with pen clutched in soulmight, dipping it to ink and drawing it upon the leaf with a rightness that betakes my whole mind. I am weary, though even that deed helps.
After Taiase's loretide, Remaue and Kaure again came, with word that I shall watch alone tonight and thus have hap to reckon myself. Against this harshness, they kissed and left me.

12. Shenelae, 24,543 - Leiss-Farmhold, Lea
Aloneness is the queerest wrack, and maybe the worst. To have no wits else but oneself’s, no slumbersome mindshare, no shared dreams, and not even word. A few times Ess wandered near underneath and mewled seekingly, though someone ever offshooed him. By daytide’s glow, my soul starved for another’s mind, and I wept when Kaure brought breakfast. When she saw me so downfallen, she took me in her arms and held my head upon her mighty bosom. Yet her ruth reached no further, and after my tears quelled, she left me fettered.
And yet I felt not truly alone. Someone or something hearkened my stead, rued my sorrow and guilt, and even wished me peace and love. Whenever I sought this new mind, it faded, like a tree-fey amid the rainwood. Among our flag, only Taiase has the skill to so mask herself, and if she stayed not in the city. Indeed, the only time I witted its show, it felt like a ringing of my own thoughts, as if it was reading my mind, tasting my wits, and shining them back. I worried, for I knew not who would so enthrivingly spy. I wondered some hallcraft from Lea between Her Highness Lady Zheye and the matrons, though it made no good thought. I could merely sit afloor, back against the wall, hands mindlessly warding my baby-thick belly, and wait some other hint.
At slumbertide, my lovemates again came, and with them Vosaeth, without her babe. Softly they knelt, greeted, and kissed me until my tears ended. When she asked, I assured my welfare, and that I would take my forewilled doom.
My heaven-tressed wifemate wearily came to my fetter-nook, sat beside, and propped herself on my pillow. I crawled forth and lay against her bosom while Kaure knelt arear and set hands on my hips. ~O’thae stora si haem?~ bemuddled Remaue, toying with my antennae: “What are we to do with you?” Then she overleaned, kissed me, and asked if I could undergo another night alone or if the wrackship was too much, for such sunderness can weaken a mind. 
Dread first halted, though I swallowed and answered I would forbear. Yet if my earlier inkling held any truth, I could not in good mind withhold word. So I told my lovemates that someone unknown overspied, had snuck near this tree-bower, and surely was reading my thoughts, and to what end I knew not. Then I warned that, if anyone in Lea foremeant ill will toward us or Son, they should straightway tell Taiase and Istae to outferret this unknown incomer.
Remaue stared down at me, her face utterly shameless. In shock, I wilted, unsure I had somehow offthanked her or mistrod some slight. Then she laughed, long and loud, and kept laughing until her tears flowed and her belly knotted achesomely. This mood almost hurt more than fear of her wrath, which I think showed on my face.
My wifemate kissed my antennae. Then she stirred me back to Kaure’s arms, leaned forward, and kissed my swollen belly. ~A doauze raye~ - “You bright fool,” she outnamed me, and then laid hands upon my thickness. ~O’eiesi sta si ea stimi? Zeli-sti yani avei si-nei?~ - “Who do you think is ever with you? What young mind grows within you?”
I gaped babblingly. Her thought overwhelmed until I shuddered, wept, and sobbed, not from sorrow, but glee. I should have known, forwhy my newfound birthmight stems not from me, but from my babe’s budding mind within, ringing my thoughts back, and adding its soulmight to mine. In Remaue’s word, I indeed felt a fool, though overgladdeningly so.
Needless to say, even after my lovemates left, I am not truly alone. While I write this log, I cannot help halt in trial to feel my babe’s mind, to speak, to teach all I can and tell my love. If I think long enough, I weep again, as I am doing now. I will sleep tonight singing blessings. From Kaure at duskmeal, I heard that the other mothers had good laughter from my dearth, in misbelieving my babe’s woken mind might be a Lea spy sowing wickedness. Yet I forgive their tease.

13. Shenelae, 24,543 - Leiss-Farmhold, Lea
I spent a rather wakeful night, for my newfound meanhood, even fleeting, with my babe’s mind too thrilled me for sleep. Instead, I spent the watchtides singing lullabies, trying speech, or reckoning names. Selfsomely, I will not know girl or boy until birthtide, though I have some thoughts.
Needless to say, when Remaue and Kaure came at breakfast, they found me not so wantsome and hopeless after a lonesome night as they might forewish, for I greeted them merrily, though meekly. If anything, my mood against my thralldom amused them. Afterward, Lady Taiase came, who taught another loretide for my new-strengthened soulmight. Then the children again came, who eyesomely had been yelling my sight. Over noonmeal, wherein they fed me, I learned Remaue has gained a new awesome nameworth under which they dread - if she would bind me, a lady, outrider and our flag’s head, whatever would she not do to a naughty child? At their blithe dread I laughed and told that Mother-Remaue’s love will not forsake them. Then I bade them listen and follow all good wise while they set antennae on my belly and tried mindshare with my babe. When they left, I witted the tree-bower’s stillness under the shower beating the thatch. Slumbertide neared, and again I wondered what Remaue might have planned, with a witless dread, and thrill, in my heart.

14. Shenelae, 24,543 - Leiss-Farmhold, Lea
Today proved harder than I had forethought.
This morn we woke late, for I could not withdraw from Remaue’s and Kaure’s arms. Remaue deemed my shame-geld ended, and I am no longer a thrall. Yet when she stirred to unlock my neck-fetter, I quailed and naysaid, for I could not stand the thought of bondlessness. At last I let her doff it under forespeech that I may keep the neckband after the fetter is offstricken.
I knelt between my wifemate and maidenmate, rubbing my neck’s naked skin, for I felt queer without its bond after so many days. I wept, and their kisses and kindly strokes soothed me not, even as they heartened me to stand and leave the bower. Queerly, I believe I had more worth as their thrall than I do as flagwife and outrider.
My lovemates helped me dress for the first time in more days than I can easily count: a mere skirt tied under my thick belly, in which even now my babe wrestles merrily. When they asked me to come out, however, I asked for more tide, and that they should go ahead. Then I knelt, prayed, and upworked boldness.
Swyly I came down the beamstair, almost hoping none might wit me. Yet Ess bounded forth so soon as I reached the ground, licked my face, and proudly showed his crest as if I was a lost queenmate recleaving his harem. Even gleefully as he greeted, I also recked his crankiness as he begrudged me these many days I had forsaken him. Yet I found no stealth with his bold hostship. Thus I found all minds: Mirazael our host and both her manmates, my whole household but Taiase and Istae, and Vosaeth’s household, too, aimed at me.
Under so many gazes I quailed. Then I split my skirt and knelt. I outquoth I would make shrift, that I had brought strife into our household, and even under our hosts’ hometree. I had sinned before my wifemate and so shamed my manlove and fathermate, who had done nothing but yield faithful troth. I forespoke I would yield our flag’s leadership, which I put forth should go to Istae, and instead would again become a mere warrior, by which I would earn their trust.
For a breathtide they all stared; faces readless. Then Remaue strode forth and took my hand. She said that, first, newcoming mothers do not kneel, and upraised me. Then she said that I should not speak such silliness. For this while now, we follow Vosaeth as our host and oath-sister. Yet when the time comes to go back to Son, our flagmates fully forelook me to lead. Tae yaysaid and added that, if my worst deed while under my birthmight’s whimsiness was to dally with my fathermate, our house will keep together.
Then Vosaeth kissed me. Laughingly she bade that I should not forsake pride altogether. ~Loes shoea~ - “You are worthy of love,” she outquoth, The she called forth her harem, who all four knelt before me, laid antennae and brow upon my belly and hips. Swiftly Less and Hanos clove, too. All stared upward stalwartly, an erenever more fulsome show of manly faith. My tears fell, and I could merely swear my utmost to be worthy.
My eyes halted on Erymi and Oshis, who onlooked while holding Tesine. I shrive I whimpered, even as wild dread grew that I might somewise make offthank if I let myself near him and fell to wantonness. And faithful Erymi, my friend and wifelove, had tried to warn me from my guilt. I could not withstand my love.
Remaue leaned near. ~Li saeami,~ she whispered: “Go to them.” Thoughtlessly I ran.
Oshis tried to kneel, though I forestalled him. I gazed down into his bronze craggy beauty, and then at Erymi, who smiled with Tesine. When their daughter’s antennae reached to mine, I staggered, at which her mother’s shoulder uptook me, and Oshish too stepped in and hugged, which brought his brow to my bosom while his antennae felt my face. Overwhelmedly I sobbed.

Lady Vaeol continues her account of how Remaue captured her sneaking off with Oshis.

Lashunta Terms & Phrases:

• ~Thali~ - doom; fate
• ~Doauze~ - fool; a simpleton
• ~Raye~ - bright; sunny; brilliant
• ~Eiesi~ - thought
• ~Zeli~ - mind
• ~Saeamassi~ - to gather; collect