From the Daylog of Vaeol-Zheieveil Yaranevae be’Son
4. Ashelae, 24,542 - Son
The healers have deemed my mind well spared, though they will keep me for another week under watch. All reckoned, I am lucky. Else than the first fit and odd mindwhits (like believing Erymi my wifemate and Tesine my daughter), it has broadly forsaken me. That forsoothness, however, has not kept me from reminding all I can and trying to deem whether it is my mindwhit or Oshis’s. After riding, dwelling, and fighting together for seven years, it is uneasy.
By now all have come to see me and pray welfare. Krastaes shared that the ~Komori~ had stricken his mother while boyhood, and she was much shifted afterward, which was a hard thing for his kindred. He kissed me ruthfully and begladdened at my health, for, quoth he, I am still myself.
I had no heart to shrive him my new mindwhits and feelings. Yet these lay wholly bare earlier today when under the healers’ oversight I tried our first mindshare, first with Remaue, and then with Kaure. It was harder than I forelooked, until I besoothed our own fear withheld us. I cannot bewrite my heartfulness at that first ~saiahi~, at their outseech of my mind. I asked whether I felt unlike, at which Kaure naysaid, and Remaue earnestly answered she felt some few whits.
Also, I learned something new, hearkening back to Kaure’s shame when I first asked after Oshis’s doom. When the ~Komori~ had overtaken me, not only Lady-Mother had foreguessed Oshis’s sin. Kaure also had hit him, under belief he had somehow hurt me. She now bears the guilt she had overswiftly driven against him, and had even upheld my mother’s curse, until the truth outcame. This shrift laid her bare and tearful. I forgave her mistake even while my hands hastened to her.
6. Ashelae
Yesterday Lady-Mother came to the healthward. Soon as she came into the idleyard where I tarried, I bewared, for she bore a wariness, from which I guessed she still forelooked my wrath. She was not wrong.
She asked my health, at which I answered so well as could be reckoned. She seemed awkward at my answer’s evenness, and then asked whether I wanted anything. I answered back she knows full well whom I want. She stilled, and I think reckoned to play clueless, though she foresaw I would outname her if she did.
I did her the boon of breaking our stillness, and told that, though she may foreclaim all she might that my ill will stems from my sickness, she will soon find it unchanged. She said back that she cannot forgive the man who has besmirched me, so that she is not even sure, which share is mine or his. I answered back that, if I am indeed so besmirched to become more like him, how could she forelook me heartened to take his forbanship? Surely his selfsomeness would mean I am even kindlier foreset toward him.
Here she frowned, and answered she could tell she had unsettled me. She withdrew and left.
I cannot leave this healthward swiftly enough.
10. Ashelae
My healers, for better or worse, have kept me busy with drills, unmerely for the mind, but also for the body, to reckon my nimbleness, though frankly I am thankful at the boredom offspelled. For the greater dole it has gone well, though at odd tides I have foreguessed greater shoulder-strength than I truly have. The healers had foretold this as the ~Komori’s~ likely outcome, and forwhy they have worked me so. I have gained more than mindwhits from Oshis, though with drilltide and time, my healers read it will outwork. Again they call me lucky, though when I stumble, or my body behaves not, I do not feel lucky.
In good news, tomorrow I at last get out of this lockhouse! Though the healers have been skillful and kindly, I have rankled. I have too much to do, and this stead now merely withholds me.
11. Ashelae, 24,542 - Son
This morn, after a bath and a swift sidelock-shave, and then my last moot with the healers, I walked from the healthward’s door. Remaue, little Lanaryel, and Kaure were waiting, and we could not kiss enough. Together we hastened to the house, and I did not look back.
All who were not standing watch were waiting and cheered when we came through the townhouse’s door. I was enfolded in hugs and tears, and had no wish to forsake them. Even Lady Taiase showed, with thankful prayer for my newfound health, and word that Istae had sent love with her and would laterward come. Erymi has needfully gone to the flaghold, and Tae and Less went to keep her fellowship.
Bywardly our mirth stilled. I said that we have much to overtalk. I held Krastaes’s and Nae’s hands while we sat in the meanroom. Krastaes told that he and Istae had already asked tomorrow’s leave for all, sunderly since it is market-day. I thanked their deed and spoke it timely, since I wish to hold a house-moot. I spoke wish to go out to the flaghold, and after some talk we chose to go at tomorrow’s earliest tide.
My next ask came haltingly, for it touched an uneasy hurt. I asked whether anyone had word of Oshis. Remaue told that Erymi had, for he had gone northward, toward his kin’s home at Hivaea. Whither next, however, she could not say, for Hivaea still stands within the City’s landhold, and he cannot stay there. Doubtlessly Erymi will tell more tomorrow.
Next, I asked after my beloved Ess, who had been outcast as wild after my madness smote. Draue read that a Shota so bestricken would doubtlessly flee to the wilderness, and since he is caught on the island, that means the Dirol Wood on Ta-Eizohu’s eastern flank. She forespoke to ask word and track him. By then Remaue deemed I had enough business. She set Lanaryel on my lap, whose baby-mind swiftly soothed and brought me slumber.
We spent an easy daytide until someone called at the door. Sievae answered, and came with a word-bode from Lady-Mother, who bade me come to her house, for she gladdened at her daughter’s health and would see me. I felt all eyes staring while my belly chilled, and my heart rang. So kindly as I could, I bade the word-bode give Lady-Mother my goodwill, but that I am still too weary for fellowship, and will come when I deem myself fit.
The word-bode atook my answer, bowed, and left. Afterward, all gaped and asked why I had forsoothly naysaid the High Matron. I answered the word-bode would doubtlessly speak more kindly than me straightly, for I would selfly not withhold. Kaure asked what my sisters will do. I said back they will do nothing, for they are likely overmerry at my goodwill’s loss.
I am glad to be home, but mourn our shedness, and not merely from Oshis and Ess. It will be better tomorrow. Then we can strive to gather us all.
Afterword
Remaue and Kaure brought me yesternight to bed. I had never felt so fearful. I was shivering while they led me to the bedroom, for I could not offstay my worry. Else than our witless war-mind against my mother and our mere trial at the healthward, I had not reached mindshare since my bridetide. Would the ~Komori~ strike again, and would I upend as some self-muddled, witless madwife? So strong this fear held that my mind almost could not open.
Then Kaure’s mind touched mine featherily, as if glowmote-down had floated over my antennae. My beautiful, meek ~Korashe~, even shier than I. Witlessly I wept, staggered aknee, and leaned into her breast. There she nestled my head, hands stroking my neck and hair, while her antennae reached downward and grazed my lobes. But for the slightest wit, she barely came into my mind.
Remaue withheld, though she stood with hand on Kaure’s shoulder. I guess this was forewillful, for our maidenmate is a kindlier soul, and forethoughtfully would less unsettle, and with less likelihood to wound. This truth made me sob even more, even after the fear ebbed, for shame overstood, that I, so soul-mighty as an outrider and a seer, even proud of my deedfulness, could become so easily stricken and overwhelmed. As my mind-share with Kaure grew, I witted ruthfulness, rooted in her own knowledge of helplessness and shame, and how she could too hardly forgive herself. I wailed like a babe while her love enfolded me.
At last Remaue clove, too, and could not withhold any more from the tears wracking her eyes. There we three swayed, my lovemates overstanding where I knelt weeping in shared shame, love, and thankfulness, for how long I know not, until my knees ached and my thighs cramped.
Comments