Giltris in NeoBarsaive Report in Barsaive | World Anvil
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Giltris in NeoBarsaive

General Summary

“Hey, Giltris you okay?”   “Hunh?”   “Are you okay? You were zapped by the vault.” Giltris sits up and looks around her, taking stock of her surroundings. 'Where am I?' she thinks. She is indoors, in a very large room. There are a few chairs, and some sort of half walls sectioning off parts of the the room. Everything is made of glass and metal. 'How could there be enough metal to waste creating a room like this?' she wonders.   “Giltris, we hired you to open this vault. Can you open it or not?” A troll is standing next to her, wearing an oddly short leather coat, and a pair of pink-tinted glasses. “Well?”   Giltris, gives her head a little shake. 'Yes, the vault,' she considers and tries to focus her attention on it. The door to the vault is right in front of her. This she recognises. This is something comforting. It is huge though, taller than the troll, but it has a mechanism very similar to ones she has been taught to open. “I think I can open it,” she says a bit more confidently than she feels given her surroundings. “I just need a bit of time.”   “I'm not sure how much you'll have, but I'll see what we can get you. 0V3RR1D3, you've cut off the vault's alarms haven't you?” he asks an orc siting on a nearby desk as Giltris sets to work.  Done ages ago, boss.” 0V3RR1D3 appears to be an orc with too many piercings, and yet more black leather. Giltris felt she could at least get behind the fashion sense of this place. “I even added a little bit extra to everyone's Basic communications code. Should make things a bit fun.  As Giltris fiddles with the safe's mechanism she hears a female voice shout from farther into the room,  We'll have company.
We need that safe open. Now!
Is she awake yet?

  'Was that poetry?” Giltris mummers.  Yeah, I hacked the comms so that everyone hears Jexa in Haiku. Neat, yes?” the orc chimes in. He is tapping some sort of small board on his wrist.  How're we getting along Giltris?” The troll askes urgently.   “Should just about have it.” Giltris goes to set the final tumbler, but doesn't hear the normal click. “Sorry, it's not quite there yet, I need a bit more time”   She can here fighting, and more haikus.
What is keeping you?
Security is coming!
I will attack them.
  The troll goes running off, “Jexa here!” and then comes back. “Sorry to do this Giltris, but it will help, promise!”   Giltris feels something stab her shoulder. Shocked she reels back. “What did you do to me?”   “Just a little dose of dexterity boost I like to call Jet. It'll help with the safe. Now hurry or we won't make it out of here.”   There is a triumphant cry,
Watch my mortal dance.
Swiftly glides the silver blade.
Ha! You are both dead,

along with the sound of a couple crashes.   With the drugs coursing through her veins, Giltris' fingers move nimbly, her hearing more acute. As she notes the sounds of more bodies falling to the floor, the last tumbler clinks into place. The vault os unlocked, but she cannot budge the door.  Hear let me do it.” 0V3RR1D3 pushes the vault door open and taps on his wrist. “And that's the security grid disabled, Jay,” he informs the troll. “Good. Everyone, get in there!” Jay urges. Giltris scrambles through, followed by 0V3RR1D3 and Jay. Inside, there is a small pedistal in the centre of the room, with a glass box on it. All three stare at it.  What is it?” 0V3RR1D3 asks.   Jay shrugs his shoulders, “Guess it's a biology experiment, or something. Never seen anythin' like it before, but we're getting a lot of money for it.”   Giltris can't believe it herself. Why would such a thing be kept in a vault. Inside the over wrought case is a sapling. “It's a tree. A young one.”   “A tree? That would fetch a lot.” Jay tries to pick up the glass box, but it doesn't budge. The alarms go off. “Jexa, we're moving to Escape Plan H, for Hot!” Jay shouts at his wrist.   There is the sound of a skirmish as “You had single job:
deal with security.
Now crack that software!
” crackles through 0V3RR1D3's wrist. 0V3RR1D3 taps faster.   “0V3RR1D3, did we have an explosive exit prepped?” Jay shouts as he dashes out of the vault. There are two booms and then Jay is back inside. “Speed it up people. We got less than five min before we are swarmed. Oy! 0V3RR1D3, when we head into the storage room, could you create a blackout?”  Can try, but we got other things on our hands to deal with right now.  “I know, I was thinking when we are making our escape.”  Yeah, that I can do. 'Though I don't think we want those who own this place to know what we took.  “But, they are going to know it's gone. We can only delay them finding out at this point. Giltris, will you shoot already!”   Giltris goes to grab her bow, and finds an oddly shaped staff instead. “What is this?”  It's a Kalashnikov!” 0V3RR1D3 states. “I've suped it a bit, will target more easily, but you should know that. Has all that electricity you were zapped with affected your head?  Giltris stares at him. All the chaos around her she can handle, but losing her bow is too much and she starts raving. “What are you talking about? Where is my bow? Where am I? What is this place? Why is a tree so valuable? What am I supposed to do with this? ” Giltris holds up the Kalashnikov.   “You shoot the guards with it! Here, just point and press this.” Jay indicates a small button. “We'll have to have a look at you when we're out of here.”   Giltris calms herself and looks out the vault door. She sees a couple guards heading for the vault, and shoots at them. One of the guards crumples. The recoil sends her back but she recovers. Smiling, she thinks she can get the hang of this.   Jay shouts again, “0V3RR1D3, take control of the security system and let's get going.”  Trying to. You know they're gonna hunt us down anyway.  “Yep, we got to go deep after this”  Think we gotta go deeper than the Colorado job? And the electric lock on the case is sorted,” 0V3RR1D3 picks the case with the tree up. “Here, gotta have both my hands free,” and slips the box into Jay's satchel.   Jexa makes an appearance a few moments after. She's small for an elf, with what looks like some sort of silver tatoos along her body and a harsh look on her face. “So, what are the goods?  “A tree,” Jay states.  One of them fancy natural things,” 0V3RR1D3 chips in.  What in the world is a tree?  “An organic Oxygen factory,” Jay offers as an explanation.  Something like that, ” 0V3RR1D3 adds.  That could make money! It's brown, and green and shit,” 0V3RR1D3 continues.   “And Giltris is talking about some unknown stuff. Got to check her later.”  That hit to her head musta banged her up worse than we thought.  “Oh Jay, not again!
Did you forget Chicago?
What did you give her?"
Jexa sounds concerned as she looks at Giltris.   “An unknown security system knocked her out. I believe it scrambled her memories. And we don't tall about Chicago anymore. Karl's dead, and we are alive.”   0V3RR1D3: “Yea, Karl was a good man.”   “Karl died doing what he loved, driving down cops.” There are gunshots and Jay ducks behind cover. “Time to evac! 0V3RR1D3 prep the black out.”   0V3RR1D3 starts typing again, as more guards enter the area and start shooting.   Jexa runs up and engages them.
“Yeah, but that also
was cuz Giltris went loopy,
just like she is now,”
she calls back. Giltris sees her stagger as a couple guards shoot at her.   Jay rummages in his satchel and throws a couple smokebombs to give the team some cover as they head for the storage room. “Kinda expecting smoke alarms to be going off.”   “I'm not one for sloppy work, you know that.”   Giltris, providing covering fire, follows the group into a storeroom and through ducts leading to a hallway. In the hallway 0V3RR1D3 starts tapping again. He winks at Giltris, “just locking the doors from the other room.”   Giltris looks away and notices Jexa approaching Jay.
“Kindly medic troll,
my life force is half reduced.
What's in your satchel?”

Jay rummages in his back and jabs Jexa with viles of some sort of potion. “I can heal you more when we get to the car.”   “Oh, rosey haired one
your medicines work quickly.
I'm feeling aaallriiiiight.....”

  Giltris vaguely notices that their mannerisms seem familiar, but is interrupted by a horrendous sound of metal banging on metal. Ahead of the group is some sort of mechanical dog. “Look, out!” Giltris shouts, as four more appear. Jexa runs up to them, and Giltris starts shooting hitting one of the dogs but barely missing Jexa.   0V3RR1D3: “We're gonna have to discuss the term 'danger close' with you, Giltris!”   Giltris barely notices 0V3RR1D3's quip as she's too busy enjoying this amazing upgrade to her normal bow. As Giltris continues shooting, she notices Jexa press a button on her armour before completing a flurry of blows against several guard dogs. She takes a couple out, but slips and lands prone on the floor. It looks like Jexa is out of luck to Giltris, but then she hears Jexa's taunting:
“Silly little dogs.
Knock me to the ground will you?
I will take your legs!”

There was a flash of silver and another dog was disabled.   “Gotcha!” 0V3RR1D3 exclaims as the last few dogs freeze in place. “It won't hold them forever.”   “Time to run again.”   "Let's haul it"   The group dash for the stairwell.
Once inside 0V3RR1D3 starts duct taping the door handles together.   “Taping? Why not a chair?”   0V3RR1D3: “Cause we didn't bring one! Duct tape is a awesome tool, did ya forget that?”   “Just keep running!”   They run down the stairwell and out onto a gantry leading to a large platform with odd carages on it. Halfway along Giltris hears the sentrydogs on the stairs. As the dogs become visible 0V3RR1D3 stops to tap some more. As she provides covering fire, Giltris sees one dog turning against the others. 0V3RR1D3 has fallen behind by this time and Jexa runs back to him. She grabs him as if to move him along, but instead hurls him through the air towards where Jay and Giltris are. Jay ducks as 0V3RR1D3 passes over him.   “Quick, into the car,” Jay shouts as he hops into the carriage. Giltris follows, helping 0V3RR1D3 in.   “0V3RR1D3, find us a road out of here. No cameras if you can.”   “On it.”   Jexa catches up and hops onto what looks like a mechanical horse to Giltris.
“Sweet, sweet hover bike
zooming around the city.
Jexa rides alone.”
  Giltris stares as she sees the bike fly off the top of the building, and then she feels her stomach enter her throat as the car she's in drops off the roof itself. Feeling ill she turns towards the window and catches a glipse of herself. “What's happened to me?”   “What d'ya mean Giltris?” 0V3RR1D3 doesn't even bother to look up from his pad.   “My eye, what happened to my eye? It's glowing red!” She touches it. “This can't be real. None of this can be real. We shouldn't be able to fly. Hauflin's the one who can fly.”   “Who's Hauflin?"   “A druid windling.”   “Guys, I think Giltris has been affected by some sort of software virus.”   “Can you hack her mind
to get her memories back?
She is half machine.”
  “She ain't got a backup harddrive, sadly.”   “Druid? Wingling?”   “He dresses in black and sulks all the time.”   "Well he sounds normal.
Why not dress to match his mood?
You wear black yourself."

  Jay reaches over the seat and pushes a couple pills into Giltris' hand, “Here try this.” Giltris just looks at them stunned. 'What's with all the pills and potions?' Giltris looks up and notices lights on the window. She looks behind them. They're being chased by three mechanical, riderless horses. “There's something behind us.”   0V3RR1D3 looks up, “We've got three interceptor drones at 6 o'clock!”   “I'll take care of them.” Jexa pulls up along side the speeding car.
“Jay toss me something.”   “What you need Jexa?”   “Dexterity please.”   Jay tosses a couple pills to Jexa. She catches them and swallows them. Then her bike stops suddenly and she's even with the drones. She slashes at two of them.   “Atleast we are not at Chicago level yet,” Jay calls out.   “Yet! R. I. P. Karl.
Long may we remember him.”
  “Killed by an adept named Drensen Harry.”   “I curse you Harry.”   The drones start firing at the car, hitting Jay.   Giltris breaks the back window to start shooting. She sees one drone suddenly vear into a second one taking them both out. 'Must be 0V3RR1D3 again and his magic gauntlet.' Giltris starts firing out the window, taking out the remaining drone.   “We need a path out!”   “OV3R1D3 you L337 hacker,
nice work on those drones.
They careened away.”
  “I'd high five ya, but I don't wanna lose an arm. We'll do it when we land.”   “My sword is kinda
an extension of my hand.”
  “Let's not do sword high fives. I almost lost a finger last time.”   “I have had training.”   Three more drones appear.   “Oy, 0V3RR1D3! How are they tracking us!?”   “I got no idea. I need to check it out.” As a few more drones are taken out by Giltris and Jexa, 0V3RR1D3 sticks a cord into the car and spaces out for a few seconds. “The car looks clean, no tracers or anything.”   “Check the hoverbike next”   Jexa brings the bike near 0V3RR1D3 for inspection.
“Damn! Troll, medic Jay.
Your tiny pills sure are sweet.
They make my sword sing.”
  0V3RR1D3 looks at the bike. “Hmm is that supposed to be there?” He goes to touch a switch, and Jexa swats his hand away, giving him an exasperated look.   “This is starting to feel like a trap"   “It's always a trap”   “It's turning into Chicago.”   “Guys, did we set up a burn?”   “Can't till we get paid.”   “We should sell the tree off to
the highest bidder.”
  “I dunno, maybe we can bargain it for something better than we got now.”   “That wouldn't be hard.
Anything's better than ziltch,
which is what we have.”
  “Time to stay low. Check for more devices 0V3RR1D3. We're going to get our money and burn these names. How far to the car swap?”
"No further devices boss. The car swap is two minutes away. Then another ten to Club Apocrypha. Uploading the coordinates to the car guidance now.”   Giltris really wishes the others would start making sense. As they speed along Giltris stares out the windows. The city is full of colour from the buildings but the sky is full of haze. Something about the whole thing makes it even more disconcerting, then she notices that there isn't a speck of greenery anywhere.  
  The car stops outside a building that is even flashier than those around it.   Jay: “We are going in as a group. Then we leave the city”   0V3RR1D3: “Agreed.”   The group walks into the nightclub. Somehow its disturbingly dark and garishly bright at the same time.   “What's with this lighting?
I'm getting flashes of that
last job at Tron Inc.”

  “Lets be quick about this”   “Always in a hurry Jay,
don't you want to dance?
Kidding! Let's do this!”

  The group approaches a troll wearing well tailored clothes in a slightly quieter corner of the room, who is clearly waiting for them. He's surrounded by ten or so corporate soldiers. It is obvious to Giltris that they can't be trusted.   “Mr Apollox, I take it?”   “Yes, you have the item?” Jay pulls the contained tree out of his bag and hands it to Giltris. “Yes, you have the money?”   One of the soldiers produces a case and places it on the table.   “OV3RR1D3, check the money.”   0V3RR1D3 goes over to open the suitcase, but Giltris sees a small device on his hand connect to the case lock before he opens it. A look passes between 0V3RR1D3 and Jay. “Is there a problem?” Apollox asks.   “Not as long as the money is all there? 0V3RR1D3?”   “It's all here boss.”   “Good, then our business is concluded once you hand over the item.”   “Not so fast, we want your assurance that we'll leave this place in one piece.”
  “Oh of course, I just want the tree. Hand it over, and you're free to go. I don't care where to.” As another look passes between 0V3RR1D3 and Jay, Giltris hears Jay's voice in her head, (Well It looks like its over for us. Trapped and with our backs against the wall. Just like then.) (Fucking Chicago!)   (Hey, don't talk like that!
We made it out alive then,
we'll make it out now.)
  (And like Chicago lets go out through the window.)  
  “Ah that's good to know Appolox. A small gift among friends then.” Jay extends his hand and offers a couple of pills to Apollox. “Here, try this.”   Applox puts his hand up dismissively, “I'd rather not.”   “You know what? Screw you!” Jay shouts at the troll.   (Glitris do the thing!) she hears in her head again, but is too stunned to react. (Giltris, the distraction!) Giltris darts her eyes around the room. Everyone's focus is on Jay, except Apollox who is fixated on the tree. Giltris throws the tree into the air and pulls her gun out firing at the window. As all eyes turn towards her, Giltris sees Jexa make minute taps on her gauntlets and lunge at Apollox.
“Greedy troll tycoon,
as if we'd ever trust you.
Here's the kiss of death!”

There is a silver flash, and Apollox's head falls onto the table next to the briefcase.   The corporate soldiers open fire. Somehow all the bullets that hit Jexa don't just kill her. Giltris thinks there must have some sort of magical armour within her floorlength coat, and wishes she had one.   Jay sends a couple quick shots towards the corporate soldiers, keeping them from reaching 0V3RR1D3, who is furiously mashing buttons. Three of the soldiers suddenly drop to the ground cowering. (They should be distracted for a while. Also got the car comin' round to meet us at the window.)   (Good work! Time to get going, again.)   The car arrives, and 0V3RR1D3 grabs the briefcase and dives through the window. (Knew this job wouldn't go as stealthily as we planned. This bastard told us to go stealthily and with as low a squad as possible. So we just took the base squad, instead of our normal five.)   Giltris rolls forward catching the tree as it starts on its downward arc, and sprints for the broken window. Nearing it, she dodges, a bullet just missing her shoulder.   “Foolish minions
riddle me with bullets?
I will take your head”

Jexa slashes at the goon that shot at Giltris, killing him before leaping into the car.   "Hey, look what I got.
A shiny, sharp trolloc tooth.
Never betray me."
  Jay slides into the driver's seat and and speeds the car away from the building. “0V3RR1D3, call in all our favors. Burn everything. We got to get out of here.” The car lunges down towards the streets and starts swearving along alleyways.   “Lets go to LA.
I want to dance on the sand.
Cough. Oh, there's some blood.”
  There's a beep, and an image of a well dressed man with horns appears near the steering wheel. “Ah Jay. That is you isn't it?”   “Yeah, I'm here, Galen. I little busy though.”   “Oh good, word's gotten to me that a heist was just pulled at Holtz-stasny. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?”   (Who's the suit?)   (Galen Engstrom, an acquaintance from medical school. Not seen him in ages.) “Yeah that was us”   “I thought it might be. Look I'm interested in what you took, if you are willing to sell it.”     (Maybe he can help,
give us cash and a safehouse.
Maybe some transport?)
  (Can we trust him? He doesn't look trustworthy.) Giltris thought she was getting the hang of whatever sort of magic was being used.   (Maybe. Last I heard he was part of an anti-corp activist group. Might be the right person to give the tree to.)   (Does he have records?
Can 0V3RR1D3 try hacking?
He must have something.)
  (With our luck?)   (Hey! My luck's been pretty good. Gonna take a look at it.) 0V3RR1D3s fingers move, and his eyes flicker back and forth. (There's nothing, not a trace of him.)   (That doesn't bode well.
He should have some records.
So, nothing at all?)
  (Not a speck).   (So what do we do? I need ideas people!) “Tell me what you can give us Galen.”   “What do you want?”   “Money. Enough to set up other lives, and another car.”   “Sorted. I'll wire you the coordinates of a meeting place.” The image disappears.   “I don't trust him.”   “So what would you suggest?”   “I don't know. This is all so odd to me.”   “Coordinates of the meeting place have come in. It's near the edge of the city.”   “I'll head that way then. We don't have much choice. If we don't make a clean break we're going to be on the run the rest of our lives. Maybe we can come up with something before we arrive.”   “It's not like there's anywhere else to go.”   “Why not?”   “You're head's really mess up, ain't it? Because there's nothing but wasteland out there. Toxic wasteland.”   “But you keep talking about other cities”   “Other cities sure. They're connected via underground highways. But the rest is waste. Why else would the tree be so valuable?”   “Hmm. You know what? We've only heard that story from the authorities. And we've been screwed over twice so far by them.”   “Yes why should we trust
people who have betrayed us?
They are just liars.”
  “So the stuff about irradiated land is bull?”   “Possibly. Has anyone here ever seen it for themselves?”   “No. So we could leave the city?”   “ Maybe. But I've still not got a clue what we should do with that.” He nods his head back towards the tree in Giltris' hands.   “Why not plant it?”   “What d'ya mean?”   “You know put it in the ground.”   “Say what now?”   “Trees, you put their roots in soil. If everything isn't toxic, then it could be planted.”   “So what do you say guys? Should we just see if there is something beyond the city? Somewhere we can plant the tree. Maybe stay off the grid."   “Sure, why not? We got nothin' to lose. Wait, what d'ya mean off the grid?”   “No tech.”   “Oh... well I guess we got no other choice really.” 0V3RR1D3 looks a little downcast.   “Just heal me up
and I will go anywhere.
I'd like a new view.”
  Jay rifles through his bag and tosses a tube to Jexa, who nods thanks. “Well Giltris, how about you?”   “If there are more trees I'll be happy. I have never liked cities.”   Jay looks a bit confused, but shrugs it off. “Then let's see what's out there.”   The car passes by the meeting place and continues to the edge of the city entering into a dense smog cloud. The group drive through the smog for some time, eventually passing into an area of barren dessert. The smog clearing as they go. Then small bits of vegetation start to appear, and become more frequent. The plants become larger, their leaves greener. After a couple hours they reach woodland.   “Leave the smog behind
We drive towards the west
Reveal the green”
  OV3RR1D3: “Think we all can agree on that.”   Jay: “At least we did see the green”   “The great green is real.”   “Yes, and when we die
we can tell Karl about it.”
  “Yes we can. It will be nice to see him again when we lay to rest.”   “Until then let's ride.”   “I don't want to see a tinted view of the world anymore. I want to experience it with my own senses and see it for what it is.” Jay reaches for the rose-tinted glasses he's wearing. “So I won't be needing these anymore.” He takes the glasses off and throws them out of the car. The car swerves and then rights itself.   0V3RR1D3 smiles, “S'alright boss, I got this. I can control it with my data pad. Seems like you needed the glasses afterall.”   “Yes, I had forgotten they were prescription,” Jay laughs.  
  As the car continues the surroundings fade and Giltris finds herself in a lush jungle with a great green dragon in front of her.    

“So, you made the correct choice afterall."

    “Do you mean with the tree?”    

“Yes.”

    “Well, it was the only thing that was normal in that whole place. It seemed a good idea to protect it. Where was I?”    

“Someplace much distant than where you started from.”

    Giltris looked at the dragon quizzically. “And who are you?”    

“I'm a guardian of sorts. An opportunity arose to test you, and I took it.”

    “Test me? Why?”    

“First tell me, did you learn anything?”

  “Yes, that place was awful. So much smog, no plants, everyone stuck in great cities being lied to, like Lladryn lied to us. I don't want anyone to have to live like that, without clear skies, without hope.”    

“Anything else?”

    “I think it would have gone a lot worst for everyone if we hadn't questioned other people motives, and hadn't thought about outcomes before acting.” Giltris reflects on her past actions “I think there have been too many times where I have just gone with the easiest option, or made decisions just based on what I would gain. I need to start questioning more before making decisions, and need to think about how my actions will affect others.”     The dragon smiles,

“Those are fine lessons, make sure to remember them.”

    “Now, tell me why you were testing me?”    

“Such spunk, good you'll need that. You will find out why later.”

    With a question on her lips everything fades to black.

Character(s) interacted with

Jay

Discription

Laid back and approachable, Jay literally sees the world through rose-tinted glasses. He can also make you see the world any way you want to, as he is never without his bag of tricks. He is frequently seen extending his hand and saying "Here, try this!"

Notes

Jay had his first sniff of Fairy dust while in high school, and he hasn't looked back since. As he grew and experimented Fairy dust turned to Elven toadstools, Elven toadstools to Dwarven dragon smoke, Dwarven dragon smoke to Orcish vein fire, and Orcish vein fire to Troll rock. But he wasn't just interested in the effect of the substances he consumed, he wanted to know how they worked. Soon he was making designer drugs of his own (Bliss being the most popular), and selling these to pay for his medical schooling. So, not only does Jay know how to make you feel better, or worst, or dead, he has a medical degree to prove it.

0V3RR1D3

Description

0V3RR1D3's true identity is unknown to the Authorities. Any lead they follow only goes farther down the rabbit hole.   However, if you need 0V3RR1D3's talents you may notice a rather large orc following you from the shadows.

Notes

Using his L33t skillz, 0V3RR1D3 deftly cracks any system. You might as well drop your firewall, as 0V3RR1D3 will only use it to make your system crash and burn. Yeah, you heard me, I mean you. 0V3RR1D3 is already on your system and knows what you're doing right now. You'll receive an account number soon to wire your savings too, so 0V3RR1D3 doesn't make your files public, and don't forget the money in that secret account in the Caymen Islands.

Jexa

Description

A rain soaked city
ever up for a challenge
girl and blade are one

Notes

Flee ignoble scum
Jexa will not take your shit
Jexa will cut you

Giltris as she appears in this story

Giltris portrait 2

Jexa

Jay

0V3RR1D3

Campaign
Ashes of Ardanyan
Protagonists
Giltris
Report Date
07 May 2018

Comments

Author's Notes

The players had a lot of in character dialog during the session using the chat log. So, I thought it worth writing the summary a bit more like a short story this time. Interestingly, the first roll of the game was 0V3RR1D3's 'Hack The PA' for all tech to interpret Jexa's speech as haiku. It was a nat 20, and meant that Jexa was speaking haiku's throughout the game. She also had multiple critical fumbles. The 6th of which inspired this haiku:
With all the power
comes all the critical fails.
Stupid, horrid dice.


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