Hal Newsman Wednesday Report
You're listening to Hal Newsman with the Morning Report here on IBC, the only network for news! IBC News is brought to you this morning by the Brightpetal and Gneiss alchemical blood replacement serum, now available in a new line of lipsticks from the Shades' own top makeup designer Pierce Magenta - for the ladies of the night, who don't want to bite! Today's headlines here in Atramentum, the City Where Dreams Are Made Of:
Big trouble in Little Shireside, as the beloved upscale Evendim Club falls prey to the city's second mysterious firebombing in a single week! Mayor Luthor Pipswitch, defending his seat at City Hall for his fourth term later this year, cast suspicion on disgruntled strikers and anti-Halfling extremists in an official statement recorded late last night:
Mayor Luthor Pipswitch: "I'd say I've experienced no little amount of questionable behaviour myself as a Halfling in the public eye, though I hold no enmity towards any citizen of this great city, but Don Cappoferro is a long-upstanding citizen and a close personal friend who has done only great things for the Halfling population of Little Shireside and beyond, and I daresay I find it shameful to think that any extremist lawbreaker would target a gentleman of such standing and character."
It seems rival mayoral candidate Tom Hawkdove has thrown in his lot with the strikers, accusing Pipswitch of 'exploiting a dangerous crimewave for shameless division and electioneering' - but has yet to put forward any alternative theory at this time.
In further election news, Senator Benjuun Goodrake has publicly endorsed incumbent Luthor Pipswitch for mayor! In a public address made outside City Hall, the Atramentum Senator revealed he and the mayor's staff are in agreement on border strategy and a plan to address Mayor Pipswitch's dockworker woes, more details of which are promised to become available to the public within the week! The Inkblot remains eager and attentive to get the scoop on this and all other political developments! Here's Senator Goodrake in his own words:
Senator Benjuun Goodrake: "The good mayor and I may not always have seen eye-to-eye on everything, but we've both had the honour of representing the good people of this great city of ours, myself in Candentia and Mr Pipswitch here in City Hall. I know that many voices here in the great Second City of the Concordat feel like your voices have not been heard, and I promise, I aim to change that, and I believe Mr Pipswitch is the man to help me in that endeavour.
Stirring words! But will they stir the strikers of the Dockworker's Union? Latest reports say large regions of both Eastern and Western Dockside are currently locked down by picket lines as the Union dreaded by Walter 'Wall-Eye' Squamp, intensifies its actions in ongoing dispute with City Hall over trade conditions! Chief of Police Casey Blonx asserts the Metropolitan police force "has not ruled out" the use of direct police action to restore order! District Attorney D.A. Greenleaf was unavailable for comment at this time!
And in lighter news, the paparazzi stand at the ready as Atramentum's best and brightest prepare to gather for the latest private gala of big-city socialite and entrepreneur Howard Gatz - certain to be the event of the season, those rumoured to be in attendance include beloved movie starlet Ginger Valentine, rising star of stage and screen Betty Boop, and even reclusive millionaire Obediah Slough, who until now has not left the Shades in two hundred years! Such, it seems, is the luminary draw of Gatz in Spats's private parties! But perhaps the question most to the fore of everyone's mind regards the inevitable attendance of Slough's sole son and heir, Fenforth - after having been spotted throughout the season stepping out with almost every eligible bachelorette the city's beautiful elite has to offer, who if anyone will appear on Fenforth's arm for the main event?
All this and more, in just a moment, here on the Morning Report with Hal Newsman, exclusively on IBC - the only network for news!
