Yitoshk
Yitoshk
Physical Description
General Physical Condition
Yitoshk stands at a whopping seven foot four, pretty average for a half-orc. He is a well built muscular half-orc male with moss green skin and scars all over his body. Many of the scars on his chest and arms look like splashes and acid burns that come from his many encounters during witch hunts and his humiliation in Nisiar.
Mental characteristics
Personal history
It was a cold, dark night in Wixtul, Dreazar. The village that consisted primarily of Drakelings and Humans had turned in for the night and lit their hearths in preparation for the cold winter breeze that was expected to roll in the next morning. Instead of a peaceful sleep however, the villagers would be roused awake by the fear of an avalanche rolling down the mountains towards them. The sound was unbearably loud, to many of the villagers it was the sound of imminent death. A cold, icy death that would bury their village in one go. Many of the villagers had experienced avalanches before, but this one seemed different. The quaking wasn't quite the same, or so the survivors would say. Something was strange about this avalanche. Many villagers fled to the fields for the night, deciding to brave cold air rather than risking being buried alive. They were the smart ones, what would come for those who stayed behind was worse than an avalanche.
In deed, some might say an avalanche would have been a mercy.
It was Orcs. Hundreds of Orcs. They rolled in from the mountains to the east. What remained of the villagers was round up, and a multitude of atrocities were committed until the sun rose once more. There was death, mutilation, feasting, but perhaps most important to my story, rape. Among those who would suffer that night were most the women in the village. Some were raped half-dead, some were actually dead. My mother? She was kept alive, supposedly one of the Orc's favorites. Disgusting, really, but that's the world we live in sometimes. Within a couple months most of the villagers who ran would return. What few corpses the orcs didn't devour were buried, half the women in the town were pregnant. Many lacked the resolve to keep on living after learning what was happening inside them. Many of the woman who were raped and still alive would soon find themselves pregnant with orc children, few would allow such a disgrace like that to be born into the world. Many would take their own lives so as to keep their pride, my mother wasn't one of them. For whatever reason my mother kept on living until I finally came out, and what a disgrace I was. Though maybe I was lucky again. My mother could bring herself to dispose of me like all the other Half-Orc abominations in the village. Most were beaten to death as soon as they were born, me? I was abandoned on the road somewhere. I'd like to believe it was a mercy, but I never got the chance to ask her myself.
I was picked up by some Auldwyrm merchants. They were disgusted by my appearance of course, but couldn't bring themselves to leave a defenseless baby to the elements. Nobody with a sound mind takes in another mouth to feed. I would be dumped at some orphanage in the Duranday slums. For the first ten or so years of my life it was survival of the fittest. Thankfully I grew up a hell of a lot faster than those ignorant lizards back in the slums. Auldwyrm think so highly of themselves until you beat the patron-loving shit outta them. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I would do it all again, but back then that was just life. I was like the king of the orphanage back then, no kids would dare pick on me or take my gruel. Too bad that I got noticed, or maybe that was another blessing? Regardless the city guard took note of me, and soon I had my first job. Being a city guard wasn't so bad, but being the new guy and all they gave me all the dirty jobs. They treated me like a beast, and gave me jobs fit for a monster. What's worse is I did 'em. I did every job they asked me to do and more. I'd get by this way for a few years before I got tired of it. The corruption of Dreazar is pretty scary, so to save myself and everyone there a little trouble I left. Wasn't much to eat there anyway.
You'd think in the Kingdom of Laelon, where manual labor is pretty much everything to them and men rule a man like me that stands over seven feet tall would be considered a valuable asset. You'd be pretty wrong, y'see no matter where you go your race follows you closer than the folds in bonded steel. People don't see the human in me, they only see the other half. The dirty half, my monstrous origins. I wouldn't get hired for anything. Not for simple farm labor, not for back-breaking construction, nothing. There is no "Half Monster" anywhere. You're either a monster in their eyes, or you're not. So I set out to a place that could maybe understand me better. I thought of all the places here, maybe Nisiar the city of knowledge would give me a better shot at life. My first mistake was underestimating that damn desert.
The sun was so hot I swear my skin started melting more times than one. I learned hard and fast to travel at night and sleep in the shade during the day. It took me a long time, but I eventually found my way to the great city. It was a sight to behold from the outside, really. Beautiful oasis on the inside of a pretty magic bubble, pretty inspiring. I possessed no magical talent, but I figured I might be able to get a simpler job. Maybe guarding the city gates or something, but I soon realized they even had wizards for that. Learned it the hard way actually, getting blasted by some splash of colored sand and waking up a mile away from the city in the hot desert sun is not ideal. Realized they didn't mean much trouble by it, but when I explained my situation the guards just laughed at me. They scoffed at my inability to learn magic even though I was willing. They called me stupid, a brute, and worst of all a monster. They ensured me that they'd never let something as incompetent as me into the city. Denied a decent life once again, I turned to the only other thing I knew... Dirty work.
There were plenty of other refugees in Nisiar, and I was soon picked up by some real bad guys. For the next few years we mugged sorry merchants and travelers of all their wares just to survive. Food and water was the primary target, but any valuables would also be taken. We became such a notorious group that the Nisiars started offering rewards for people who could take us down. It was silly to believe we could get away with a life like that, I hate to admit it was a great time for me. For the first time in awhile I was thriving, but I was living off the labor of others at the expense of their livelihood. Too bad it took far too long to realize it.
We'd eventually get caught, bandits always get caught. Was it justice? To an extent, but we did what we did to survive, the Nisiarans made us a problem and decided to deal with it by making our situations even worse. Many of my buddies were killed, I guess I was just lucky. They exiled me from the desert after publicly humiliating me. I was paraded through the streets naked, people were allowed to cast any number of spells on me. It was disgusting how recklessly they did so, though I suppose I deserved it. Before long I was kicked out in rags on the Laelon border again. I'd just avoid Nisiar for awhile.
Back in Laelon finding work was hard. I was at least a little well known at this point, so no man in their right mind wanted to hire me. I'd eventually get lucky though, I'd get hired alongside some other outcasts to dispose of some goblin infestations around Urdibury. My fearlessness and ruthlessness must have caught someone's attention, cause next thing I knew I was hired on as a mercenary in one of the year long witch hunts in Laelon. Maybe out of spite of what happened in Nisiarm I found myself excited to kill some mages. This would be the greatest turning point in my life however, and after that year I'd wish I never had to deal with it again.
This is also where I'd meet Cybil. Yeah, that Cybil. She wasn't always like she is now, but that's besides the point. For the first time in my life I saw this beautiful woman who didn't treat me like a monster. I don't know what she saw in me, but she was something else. At least at first, she was ambitious, she wanted to change Laelon from the inside through her actions. I found myself believing in this woman, attraction was the only logical step to come. Blessed be my weak heart back then, for whatever reason she saw the same in me. It was good, the first few months. Dirty work, but not anything I wasn't used to, and I believed in Cybil. Maybe that's why I'm the way I am now. I thought that if she made it to the top, things would change. I thought maybe I'd wake up and we wouldn't have to be like this anymore, but you never really get to keep your first love, and my life hasn't ever been that kind of fairy tale. We started to not get along, I started to see what was really happening. She wasn't changing anything, she'd just speak pretty words. Maybe if I just accepted it we would have gotten along well, but as soon as our relationship began it fell apart.
For that whole year we massacred village after village of mages. The Inquisition was a sick and twisted joke. At first I was on board, we could change it I thought. Cybil wasn't wrong either, I know people can change, I watched it myself. After eight months I just couldn't take the slaughter anymore. I'd stay for my contract, but after that I was out. On the witch hunt you weren't just expected to kill mages, you had to kill their children too. You had to kill anyone who was even accused of witchery. Most of the time exile wasn't permitted, the mages that surrendered were tied up and burned to death on pikes while still barely alive. It was disgusting really. I knew it was a long-shot, but before I left I asked Cybil to join me. I tried to explain to her that maybe if we left together we could both try to change things in a different way, in our own way. But she didn't join me, so I left. I don't regret leaving, I'll never regret that decision. I only regret that I let her stay there, because from what I heard, she only got worse.
I traveled around Laelon doing odd jobs for a few months before I was eventually picked up by the Klif Company. Finally I felt like I belonged somewhere. Kasvaar and his crew have been treating me good this last year, with them I feel as though I've finally been able to clean myself up. I'll never let myself fall into the same depravity ever again, that's something I've just sworn to myself. Though those nights still haunt me to this day.
Sexuality
Heterosexual
Failures & Embarrassments
Captured and publicly humiliated in Nisiar in the year 573(Stripped naked and paraded through the streets of Nisiar)
Morality & Philosophy
" If ya never did no bad, you don't deserve no bad. "
Personality Characteristics
Motivation
Fights to help those in need, wishes to change people's perspective and outlook on life.
Friendly if a bit crass. Honest if a bit abrasive. Yitoshk a born outcast journeyed the three provinces most of his life in search of stable work. These dirty deeds would ultimately come to haunt the man and shape what he became. Within the last year he began his new life among the Klif Company.
View Character Profile
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Current Location
Species
Year of Birth
552 IE
24 Years old
Circumstances of Birth
Born to his mother an unwanted baby.
Birthplace
Wixtul, Dreazar
Children
Gender
Male
Eyes
Light yellow, tired
Hair
Dark Brown, Dreadlocks tied back into a Ponytail
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Moss-Green
Height
7'4"
Weight
236lbs
Quotes & Catchphrases
" The fuck did you say to me? "
" Wanna say that to my face? "
Aligned Organization
Other Affiliations
Remove these ads. Join the Worldbuilders Guild
The Last Letter
" But in the end, I was just a fool who may not have realized just how close I truly was to my comrades. "
The Road to Urdibury
20-21 of Incandescent Moons, 570
(Each word is written in Acoran Common, unlike the previous couple pages)
Third Kesday of Incandescent Moons, year 570.
We traveled in silence most of the way to and across the border into Laelon. Nothin' out o' the usual really. We came across a couple of bickrin' lil' gobbies towards the end of the day. Every one o' us was a bit skeptical, certainly not the worst idea. Who was it, Ashe I believe, after some silence she suggested that the entire thing coulda been a setup for an ambush. While not impossible I wasn't too concerned about a pack o' gobbies tryna strike me down. So I approached instead, much to the dismay o' my compatriots later. If it WAS an ambush, the goblins sure didn't seem to care whether we kept on walkin' or not... Instead the little buggers engaged me in some discussion over the coin they'd found. I admit, I was a bit abrasive. I threatened the rascals a bit tryna' get them to talk, but realizin' that wasn't gonna work I tried to loosen their mouths with a bit of gold which worked wonders. If it wasn't for the other's caution maybe we coulda paid them a bit more and learned some more info and avoided the fight that came. I tried to tell the goblins to just untie some woman's mouth that they'd tied up earlier, claimin' she was fumin'. Either because I'm just not the best talker or because Ashe was sneakin' 'round behind me makin' the gobbies uncomfortable, they decided to completely untie the woman. I stood around at first, hopin' to engage the woman in some idle chatter with the goblins still 'round, but unfortunately somethin' about the hostile look she had made me panic and react rashly.
Most o' the fight is a blur. I remember turnin' around at some point and... Murderin' one of the lil' goblin fellas I'd been chattin' to not so long ago. I saw an arrow, one of Ashe's I'd bet, but I couldn't hardly discern friend from foe, I had to be careful so I let it go. The last thing I remember is Olo telling me to calm down, a signal for my subconscious to unwind a bit. As I was startin' to calm down Olo punched me square in the jaw and our mad lady from earlier cut me a right harsh gash. Do I even gotta question my trainin' buddy at this point? I was down, but I understand why he did it. What I still fail to understand late into this night is why in Gehenna we're referring to this entire fight as a damned ambush? We'll never know, since we massacred the Goblins without tryna' reason with them. What's worse is they all made it sound like my fault again... As if I was the one who chose to shoot the arrow that caused the goblins to attack us. It's never anyone else's mistakes that get called out, only my own, even today. And Cade, that poor lil' kid shouldn't have been dragged into this. Maybe it's healthy for him to get over it, but I just... Seen too many kids like him, tryna desperately to save their loved ones with healin' magic... Pets, Friends, Siblings, Parents... Some kids even tried savin' complete strangers back in my mercenary days right in front of the inquisitors. It's too bad that... They were all cut down too for usin' magic. Cade was just like 'em. Bit off more than he could chew, likely to wind up dead if'n we don't clean up our act and soon.
I tried to thank the lil' guy for the gestures, but all I got was a deep bite by his robot... Dog... thing, and a blank stare. He came and healed me later, but I'dunno if that was because I was hurt or he wanted to thank me. Regardless we talked with the woman who was tied up by the goblins. She was guidin' Fletcher's fiance just as we was guidin' him. I mentioned maybe travellin' together, but it sounded as if she was headed straight to Nisiar over the mountains then across the border to Zlen. Maybe I misheard, but I figured that'd be the most dangerous route we coulda takin' what with these apostates of Rhaes and such. She mentioned soldiers blockin' the road and suggested that we take the caves up and around them to Urdibury, and we'd do just that. First and foremost though, we decided to sit down and make camp for the night. It'd still take us half a day to get there and it was already dark. Can't imagine what all may be comin' our way in the next few days but suppose that's just what happens when you live your life, killin' and fightin' for others.
Third Antday of Incandescent Moons, Year 570.
We woke up, had our food, and set out immediately. My mind's been in the clouds since yesterday. I regret the fact that we had to kill the goblins and couldn't find a way to resolve the issue peacefully. Regardless we traveled half a day before coming up to the mines we were told to watch out for, though our pace was halted by the sound of soldier's footsteps. We immediately turned left at the fork, headin' up to the mines but I suggested that Conrad and Ashe investigate the soldiers regardless. They came back mentionin' how it sounded like some nobles were absolutely against the marriage. Wantin' more war and some such. I didn't much see the point in it, but then again I've never understood nobles. Once we were inside the cave we were met face to face with another apostate. I tried to get the guy to back down after he told me to hand over Fletcher, but he would not. I mentioned before how I worry about Cade? Well Kas, if you're readin' this like I think you may be, you really need to consider teachin' him some lessons. Bugger ran up to the apostate and coulda nearly died. Mercenary work ain't work for children no matter their skills. I tossed a dagger into the apostate's chest as Cade slammed into him good. I dealt the killin' blow but there was nothin' else to be seen. Ashe berated me more, but I just don't care anymore.
It's always what I've done wrong, never what could have been done with these fools. You didn't think twice about those goblins Ashe, why are you, of all people, questioning me? With my growing displeasure of the group and our current event I still asked that Conrad and Ashe scout out one of the paths we were able to go down. Cade must've cast some spell on himself cause he got a bit antsy outta nowhere. When Ashe got back he ran ahead. I swear to the mother and the father, to every patron in existence, I cannot have this kid die because of this. Everyone chased after him, Ashe even tried to put the kid to sleep, a skill we should consider using more often on him. Regardless he kept running until some beasts came out and attacked him. Olo rushed passed me before I could even react to help the kid. I saw another route ahead that could loop around to them, so I ran ahead to flank the dogs only to be cut off by one. If I hadn't have done that Cade and Olo woulda' been the ones gettin' flanked. I was engulfed in flames, and I forget most of what happened until halfway back to Fletcher. I don't remember exactly why, but I remembered him being in danger that's for certain.
I turned 'round the corner and saw... Something that shook me to my core. I saw those beautiful, ambitious eyes again staring deep into my soul. Devoid of judgement for my sins long passed, her naive eyes pierced my soul. I understand that everyone believes they know the real Cybil, but they don't. Maybe one day they will, but now they do not. I saw her again for the first time in years, offering me a warm hug again like she used to. I was frozen in awe, in shock, relief, happiness? I couldn't tell ya, only that she was there one moment, and the next... Well the chain devil dropped to the floor in a bloody mess. It was jarring, sure, but it brought me back to reality. I'm not sure how I'm gonna be able to face Cybil after that either. I shook my head, and wiped my eyes. I realized quickly I'd been cryin' and didn't want the others to notice. I didn't want to trouble them... No... They don't deserve to see my weaknesses like she did. Feelin' disheartened I pressed on with the party. The rest of the days been quite quiet, but we finally made it to Urdibury. Everyone went directly to the tavern, each of us blowin' a pretty coin on the stay and food... I drank more than my fill and passed out as usual, I don't think I wanna dream after an experience like that.
I'm sittin' here in the mornin' of the day after. Fourth Festday of Incandescent Moons and all. I plan to talk with Fletcher about himself this mornin', maybe try to see why he likes Cybil so much, maybe try to learn from it. Even if her words speak ill of her, her actions speak louder. It's somethin' I really shouldn't forget. The next time I see her I'll apologize and try to thank her for a change, and then when I get back... I think I may leave the company for good. I'd rather die travellin' helpin' those in need than die fighting people. I don't know if I'll ever find a way to make amends with all those I killed, but I could try to at least make amends with those I've wronged today, and maybe... One the way I'll find a way to forgive myself as well. Mother, Father, all I ask is that you help me find a way in this world.
Withheld Frustration
2-5 of Incandescent Moons, Year 570
First Reverenday of Incandescent Moons, 570
Kasvaar rallied a small group o' us to meet at tha On The Road ta' greet a new member o' the Company that'be joinin' our ranks.
I didn't really know what to expect, but lo' and behold that damned demon was our new member.
Cybil, ta' damn inquisitor of Laelon was suppose' to be our new member? Kas' sure knows how to pick 'em.
Maybe the night woulda' gone better if I coulda actually vented muh furstration, but I had to be the one to swallow muh damn pride.
All the otha' hooligans started wantin' to pick a fight with 'er as well. That psychopath masqueradin' as an angel or some shit.
Ashe started tryna' play around, and Conrad damn near fled. Idiots showin' Cybil their weaknesses too damn early. Patrons know she's one to break 'em for it.
Kevin also lashed out, makin' me the only one left to be responsible for these misfits. I HATE actin' responsible. It ain't my thing, but someone had to do it.
And I just know these fools are gonna look down on me for it too. What I wouldn' a given to punch that snobby, condescending psychopath in the face for tryna' assert herself as our leader.
She'll never understand people. She completely lacks empathy now, and talks about our past without emotion.
It disgusts me to think someone like her could just "forgive herself". What the hell does that even mean?
Not much use thinking about it now anyway. Kas popped in just as Conrad tried to escape, presenting us with some sorta' job. I dunno what that man is plannin' but he wants us to find some turtle man and bring him in for questioning. Looks like we'll be leavin' early in the morning. Whadda wonderful day. The worst reunion of my life, having to show my new weakness to that monster and having to swallow my pride and play nice with it. Fuckin' fantastic.
First Metday of Incandescent Moons, 570
Yesterday we backtracked some ways to investigate some smoke in the forest, my choice. I really jus' wanted to make sure it wasn't anybody in distress. Maybe we'd run into a lil' farm and the farmer might have some grog for sale. We did find a farm, but whoever was there seemed to be out. Our lil' weasel, Ashe, invaded the man's home. I'm sure there was no ill intent behind it, if I'm bein' honest, I was a bit relieved afterwards. Ashe didn't seem to take anythin' but I couldn't just let her get away with sneakin' 'round. After deciding the man was just out for a hunt we left the place in peace. Unfortunately we couldn't get any booze though, dunno' how much longer I'll last without it.
I was stayin' up for the first watch of the night after followin' some sorta reptile tracks. Couldn't make 'em out for the life o' me but we tracked them upriver so I figured we'd be fine. I was startin' to get a bit antsy when I woke Conrad up for watch. I didn't think I was gonna be sleepin' tonight. I didn't even get the chance to shut muh' damn eyes before Conrad got attacked. I jumped outta the tent and let loose, I won't let anyone o' these people die on my watch. Not even Cybil, that creature can't die until it truly recognizes and respects the people it's slaughtered. The next thing I knew I lost myself again. I barely recognized what I was doin' until I nearly pulverized some Lizardfolk's head into the dirt. I acted fast to net the survivor up.
After the fightin' was over I buried the Lizardfolk under the trees, had some help from a stranger. One o' those Turtle Men, Toe... Doe... They call themselves I think. He introduced himself as Baka. Weird name, but nice enough fella'. We talked about his people a bit, turns out he actually personally knows the guy we're lookin' for. Least our leads didn't wind up empty. Man also gave me some Liquor. I hate this shit, and I hate livin' like this. But it's the only way I can sleep at night anymore. I need to buy some for the road next time we get the chance. Baka mentioned he'd lead us to his posse tomorrow, so I plan on wakin' up bright and early, especially after the bizarre talk I had with the Lizardfolk. Somethin' is wrong with him, like his mind just isn't right or somethin'.
Strange Turtle Men
6-7 Incandescent Moons, Year 570
First Kesday of Incandescent Moons,
I wake up to it standing outside my tent. Turns out the lizardfolk I tried to interrogate got away... For free. Kevin just let the bastard walk away. I was plannin' to let the bastard go anyway if I could talk some sense into him, but the man was a lunatic. He needed some damn help. That damned A'mau let him escape. FOR FREE. Even let it tear up my net. Then he had the damn AUDACITY to play it like an innocent mistake. If people DIE to that Lizardfolk it's on US.
That means MORE INNOCENT PEOPLE will die BECAUSE OF OUR FAILURES. An' then that BASTARD had the GALL to joke about me SICKING IT on him. What a joke. Ellymlean, why do you let me cling to life just to torture me so?
If only this lil' cat knew the things I'd done. The person I was in the past, he wouldn't dare say such stupid things to me. Crackin' jokes 'bout mage huntin' is tasteless business with JUST me around. But she's here too, idiot. Bark too much and ya' just might get bitten'.
The rest of the party acted like I was overreactin', but I don't think these kids get it. I don't think they really understand the weight of the situation. That man we let go could easily tail us with reinforcements for days out of sight for all we know. He coulda' just returned to what he was doin' before and actually murdered people.
What's done is done I suppose. I told Kevin it was comin' out of his pay and he got all defensive. Patrons forbid I ask that Kevin at least pay me back for the net that got destroyed on HIS watch. What in the hell is comin' to this world?
After the commotion calmed down, we started headin' for the home of the Toe Doens with Baka as our guide.
In the evenin' we reached it and met each person in their lil' posse. Some big guy named Olo, seemed like the kinda guy I'd get along with, another named Deer or somethin'. Then there was Grrr... Gurr? Doubt he cares, doubt that's his name. He was the one we was lookin' for. Didn't seem to talk much, and communication woulda been a problem. Feel like any of the other Teu Duns woulda' been fine. Especially their leader, this Zopa fella'. Weird old coot, but respectable. Shared some spirits with me and had some weird outlook on life. Talked about trainin' in the morning. Asked if we could help with the Lizardfolk problem. For everyone else, I asked for some sorta compensation. Really whatever compensation Kas' woulda given' us on retrun woulda been fine, but we ARE Mercs. After he made it sound hard, I planned to jest forfeit whatever compensation the guy owed me anyway. Figure it'd help lighten their load anyway. Sopa said he'd think on the deal and offered to let a couple o' us use their baths and some vacant rooms for restin'. Mentioned some trainin' excersize in the morn'. Sounded right up my alley. Noticed the pool I was bathin' in was quite deep though. Was kinda strange but I thought nothin' of it.
First Antday of Incandescent Moons
I wake up bright an' early, head off to their lil' cave and watch as the turtle men start cleanin' shit out for trainin'. Next thing I know Shopa has us all pair up with the turtlemen for training. I immediately choose Olo, seems like the most even to pick anyway, besides the devil.
Before we can even begin I hear a few ear shattering screams and come to find Baka laying on the floor nearly dead after that Psychopath went all out on the man. She doesn't understand a damn thing, she has zero regard for life at this point. It took all my willpower to resist putting her in the same situation as our beaten and bloodied friend on the floor. We're jest' lucky we had Conrad there. If it weren't for his potion I don't think I coulda' stopped myself. And if Baka were to die because of her...
Well, I woulda made sure she couldn't do it to nobody else ever again.
Me and Olo trained after that, poor man caught me in one o' my moods. I kinda just let myself go and used the poor man as my stress relief for the mornin'. Still made sure to hold back but he had some skill. Certainly a heavy hitter. Too bad I've had my fair share of heavy hits. I let 'im get a good hit on me while I belted him back with twice as much force. After the trainin' was over we feasted, and Xopa mentioned accepting my proposal. I told 'im not to worry about my share. Man was feedin' me and givin' me ale already. I didn't need any more money or supplies from a man who just got by on whatever small amount he could get in the first place.
After the feast and booze, I took myself a nice bath, findin' myself curious about the deep water tunnel again but just ignorin' it. My mind drifted to a different place, to the past. To her, much as I am distraught to mention it. She's changed so much since we first met. Lost every bit of luster she had. She's truly turned into a monster... I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to handle seein' 'er like this again. Shit kills me. I need another drink. I need to forget her.
Traitor in the Midst
7-13 Incandescent Moons, Year 570
-Written in Wyrmish(Draconic)-
First Antday of Incandescent Moons, 570
Me an' Conrad woke up to someone emulatin' my shoutin'. Is that really what I sound like? Much of the fight is a blur again, when I get in a fight I start to jus' lose myself to my anger. I saw a strange aberration in my rage, a monster cloaked in darkness that riled me up like no other. After I attacked it it jest disappeared. After I came back to I realized we'd lost one o' the turtle men. Sure, maybe I lost myself a bit too much, but to me I'd let another innocent die, I KNEW where they'd come from dammit! That damn hole in their pools, I coulda said somethin' but I thought nothin' of it! If I had jest said somethin' maybe we coulda saved Dyur. I couldn't even offer my condolences properly, all I could do was scold Baka for their naivety as Cybil told me we didn't really have the time to cry over it. She wasn't wrong, but I don't think she understands how different this coulda been if I had said somethin'. Same goes for Ashe, takin' the monster's side over my own. I thought me an' her were startin' to get along, but ever since this mission started it's been "idiot this " and "idiot that". It's like I offer no real assistance to this motley crew. We left immediately, sleep deprived, in a chase to save Xopa an' Olo. I wasn't gonna let another turtle die on my watch.
Late in the afternoon we'd caught up with the lizard bastards. They were set up in some camp just down stream. It looked somewhat fortified, but they weren't willing to just attack us outright even though it seemed they were aware of our presence. I told the party we'd have to move soon if we wanted to save those guys, no way they weren't already on the verge o' death. Everyone else told them I was pushin' 'em too hard. Mentioned how they needed to sleep first. I just... I couldn't believe it, I figured the devil herself would agree, but we had to save those people. I begrudgingly agreed to take a breather, but I was scared shitless. Were more innocent people gonna die jest cause we needed some beauty sleep? And once again, my points seemed inconsequential. Either I'm working with a team of cutthroats, or they're all more naive than I thought. Besides that Monster. She only cared about gettin' the job done, who cares 'bout the casualties amiright? I swear to The Mother, if we lost those two I wouldn't have let them off so easily anymore.
After the break we beat the shit out o' the lizard bastards and pushed into the smelliest, most disgustin' cave you ever thought existed. Inside was Grr's true form, a demon apparently called a Hez...rau or somethin'. Turned on his own mates for Patrons know what reason. Ashe and Conrad got into a good position and we flanked the bastard, the rest of the fight is a blur again, but afterwards I was pretty beat up. I remember givin' Xopa and Olo a stern talkin' to while Conrad helped the both of them out. I mentioned that we could take Olo back with us and get him healed up, to which Xopa agreed. Seemed he was pretty distraught about the whole damn thing but I think that's a good thing, if they don't ever learn from their mistakes they're destined to repeat them.
We went back to their caves, and headed back to base. It's the Second Reverenday of Incandescent Moons now, and Kas already has a big job for us. I'm not particularly excited, I'm startin' to believe the party jest doesn't like me to be frank. I suppose we'll see in the coming week.
Smoke and Fire
18-19 Incandescent Moons, Year 570
(Each word is written in a different language in a specific order. Wyrmish-Orcish-AcoranCommon)
Third Holday of Incandescent Moons, 570
Kas thinks he's a funny guy, bringin' up information he shouldn't know like me n' Cybil's past. Well, have fun readin' my journal now ya bastard!
Today we were sent to the On-The-Road to meet up with another party member to help us with on this big upcomin' mission. Kas has reached a new level o' low. It's a literal, honest to Milica, kid. His names Cade and he has some weird little dog machine he said he's created. I'd say he's smart if he didn't act like such a kid. This is beyond stressful for me, I find it hard to be around children nowadays to begin with because o' what happened. Now I gotta watch one get hurt and potentially die I jest dunno if I can handle it. Such a naive little kid too, doesn't seem to know what he's gotten himself into. At least the party seems nice and welcomein' to him, but their attitude hasn't changed towards me. I got Urtho to talk to at least, but my own party seems to just ignore the fact that I exist until I do somethin' silly to them. It's like all I'm good for to them is a laugh or two. We moved on to visit Urtho, on the way meeting Blaire who's always seemed to dislike me. I always try to be friendly, but I dunno what her problem is. Maybe she's shoved one too many sticks up her ass, I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at her to lighten the mood while she glared at me. Think Ashe commented on it later blamin' me for it. Go figure, really.
This all really makes me think, should I sit here and take this? Sometimes I just wanna run away from it all and forget. It's disgusting to admit to me, but at least Cybil wasn't this rude to me when she was here. Hell, she even tried to welcome me with a hug like old friends. It's a hard thing to admit, but... I think I'd appreciate somethin' like that right now. This "idiot" debacle is startin' to wane on me a lot. Seems like I'm never thanked for nothin' I do. Least there's Olo who seems nice, honestly what a guy he is. He is a lot of fun to hang around, glad he's stickin' to the party. Yeah, I don't need to turn back to that monster for comfort! I got Olo.
Jokin' aside, I'd been drinkin' all night and hadn't felt even a wink o' drunkiness. Figured I just needed to drink more. Urtho whipped up a sick idea for an upgrade for my maul though, couldn't wait to see it honestly. That damn kid though, Cade, starts jest doin' whatever he wants. I swear the party doesn't like that I'm tryin' to reign us in a bit and get us out of trouble cause Conrad has even started shakin' his head at whatever happens around me. Now I think even the kid don't like me. What a group, why am I even 'ere anymore? I gotta make ends meat, but I don't gotta be a part of this party, especially if they make being around them so... frustratin'.
We made it back to the On-The-Road tavern and went up to sleep, still not feelin' too drunk I drank three more gallons of my booze... And still felt nothin' besides an urge to piss like none other. I asked Conrad what was wrong and turned out my booze had been tampered with! Dammit! Now I'm layin' in bed panicking. If I fall asleep I'm scared I'm gonna jest have a nightmare. What an awful day. I spent so much money on this ale too. Well I guess I may as well try to sleep, nothin' else I can do. The maul is fantastic, but that's been about the only nice part of this evening.
Third Metday of Incandescent Moons, 570
My dreams still haunt me if I'm not drunk. I saw one again, in a crowd chanting "burn them all". It was just like those days again. the screams, I could hear their screams again, I STILL hear them. I stepped forward to see what was goin' on, but then an elderly elven man clung onto my legs, beggin' me to save his children. Why? Why does this have to happen? I can't forget, I wanted to help them, I did. but he wouldn't let go. And Cybil... No, that demon she'd become was there. Gleefully burning them alive. I woke up to some assassin and that's all I remembered. Next I remembered glass being lodged in my arm, a singed room covered in ice, the smell of smoke, and a mutilated pile of mush sitting outside the window. I was battered up, and I watched as everyone just... Walked away from me. Not a word. I jest... What am I here for? What have I done to deserve this from everyone? I went downstairs and searched the body, findin' some money and a tattered scroll on 'em with a red bloodied eye sigil. " Justice exists within the minds Eye " I don't want to deal with this right now, this is suspicious. I can't help but feel like... Maybe they just came fer me? Maybe they were relatives of... No... They wanted to kill us indiscriminately, it couldn't a' just been related to me. I walked inside, still a beaten battered mess, barely clingin' to consciousness. Slammed the paper down on the table and... They were already talkin' bout it.
Then Kas walked in, distraught as all hell. Somethin' didn't go accordin' to plan obviously. Finally someone recognized my wounded states and helped me, also gave me some extra booze and medicine to help me get rid o' this "Cleansin' Root" as Conrad called it. Thank the Patrons I was finally able to get drunk. But now? Now I was mad. I was angry at my party that paid me no mind, angry with how they all seemed to jest ignore me unless I said somethin' stupid to them. We got some rest in Kas' room, I passed out on his gold, slept pretty hard... Still wasn't in the mood for anythin' anymore. Kas brought some kid in, somethin' about the Laelon king tryna make a peace with Nisiar and find a place for magic casters to live in harmony in Laelon. I liked the thought, but Ashe, Conrad, and ESPECIALLY Kevin seemed to be upset with this idea, at least they questioned it. I'd understand but I was sick of hearin' how they questioned it. Next thing I remember, Ashe was scoffin' at somethin me or the kid said and I threw my plate at her. She threw it back and hit me then called me an idiot. Again. JUST AN IDIOT. AGAIN. I shut the hell up and let the kid talk, this whole situation had made me angrier than all the devils in Gehenna. Then he started praisin' Cybil and I jest couldn't take it no more. I stormed out to more o' my party's mockery, probably not my best decision, but that's all I seem to be to these people! Two weeks with them an' never once a thank you! So I started swingin' my maul around recklessly until Conrad stopped me. The bastard, I needed a breather.
We're headed out now, and while I feel better I'm seriously doubtin' the shit I'm willing to do to help these asshats. I pray to The Mother and The Father, please tell me why I'm still here.
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