"Lost in Darkness" | Kashi

Written by little song

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Darkness...
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Heat...
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Black...
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Pounding...
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Darkness...
Voices..
So many people all around...
But blindness
“If you are not committed...”
Another gunshot...
“Fully committed to Eylons cause.”
Death? But maybe just practice...
“Everyone.... everything...”
Did it matter anymore which...
“All you love will be taken from you...”
“And destroyed”
Gunshot.
A shiver wracked my form at the sound.
A slight chuckle off to the side.
The frightened Kokkan...
The little girl that needed to be protected.
“You don’t understand...
“I just found you.”
“I don’t want you to die because of something a suicidal knight said”
“You’re not like me or him or any of them.”
“You’re a lady. Your raised to be beautiful and charming not to fight and kill.”
Ni-San...
I’m sorry...
“I just want you safe...”
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“I have the men.”
“And the means to bait him.”
“All you love. All you care about...”
“Will be taken from you.”
“That blasphemer.”
I almost laughed as the Knights voice pushed through.
“Thank it and find your courage.”
“You are meant to be here.”
“And you will take many more. But I’m glad you’re here to stay.”
...
“You are courageous...”
“But courage doesn’t equal skill...”
“He wants you safe.”
“I do too”.
“How do you know you won’t freeze up again?”
Useless!
Why!
“Everyone you care about will die!”
And it will be all my fault then.
Why Eylon!. I cried out with my mind. turning my gaze up to heaven though still only darkness surrounded me.
It was fitting
Sir Guiscard was bathed in heavens light. His resolve and stubborn determination all in dedication to this Eylon.
Sukoshi, traitor to our father but now walking with other followers of Eylon. Singleminded in doing what is right.
The others... it was always on their lips.
The desire to follow Eylon and fight against his enemy.
And why was I there...
I had asked myself this so many times in the past hour.
“You shouldn’t have to give yourself to the cause of a God you don’t believe in.”
I just don’t know you!.
no one talked about you before..
“Unless you are totally committed Eylon will take all you care about away from you.”
Why?
Why would you do that to them!?
Only darkness answered me.
Guiscard said the man was crazy
But it was happening.
Who did I care about most in our group.
My brother...
He might be fine for now but if they caught him or worse if he turned himself in for me
Which he would...
We’d go back...
Hwarang... it would not be kind.
I would be fine. I would go back to father get a slap on the wrist and then return to being a pretty daughter for my father to gain an alliance with.
Sukoshi would go through months of punishment an reconditioning for his disobedience and then if he did not return to being their killing machine he would be executed.
Guiscard...
He could very well die any day here.
To die at the hands of your brother. What could be worse.
Sato....
She was hopefully okay
She was a tough thing too.
But not human and that was who these sanctified despised.
Jade.
Guiscard had a dream that she died already...
My head dropped again.
Pounding.
Every beat of my heart felt like a drum.
The thoughts the words I just wanted them to stop.
Just quiet.
No more thinking
“Unless you are totally committed...”
Shut up...
“To Eylon’s cause...”
I don’t want to here it anymore!
“Everything you love, everything you care about.”
Shut up!
“Will be taken from you.”
SHUT UP!
I screamed in rage muffled yet Loud enough to cause the conversation around me to hush for a moment.
Silly Kokkan, heathen.
My head feel back against the pole and I let my body slump the binds still holding me upright.
I was a heathen...
I was trying though... or I had been.
My brother was telling me things. And Guiscard too.
But if someone doomed us for not being committed. That was me.
Why was I there?
Not for Eylon.
I was there because a knight was too stubborn to let me walk away.
I was there because I hated my family.
I was running.
I was trying to feel valuable. And not a doll to be traded for power.
I was there to protect.
I wanted to make sure... that he survived.
That they all survived.
I had been told to leave.
It was probably a sign.
And then I had been warned that I could doom this group by my black heart.
But I had selfishly stayed thinking that I was needed.
Eylon...
I began again... praying maybe?
i don’t understand...
if you want to be angry at me.... you know that’s fine. But why like this?
there is no one more dedicated or more resolved to fight for you that Sir Guiscard.
he doesn’t deserve to die because I care and I’m not committed.
and I really don’t mean to be uncommitted.
this is all very new and I haven’t had time to know what to do..
and you know doing this to them doesn’t help me in deciding weather I want to follow you or not!
I stomped a foot. Strangely feeling guilt in my anger
sorry..
I stated and almost laughed at myself.
well...
um...
i probably don’t deserve to ask anything.
but...
just please. Don’t punish others because of me. You can do whatever to me. It’s okay I deserve it. Just don’t hurt them...
Darkness...
Pounding.
Guilt...
I sniffed my blindfolded now almost soaked through.
I hadn’t even realized I had been crying again.
The tears felt cool helping to nullify the oppressive heat of the sun.
I was probably tanning quite a bit.
Father wouldn’t like that
Laughter almost rose up then.
It had been a long time since I had thought about my skin tone or maintaining my beauty.
Deep breath...
My heart slowed, a comforting rhythm now as tension drain and a calm seemed to was over me.
A picture then came to mind. Pushing past the darkness. That of the lumistones lining the cave.
I thought back on Guiscard’s fever dream or whatever it was.
It would be nice to be a lumistone too.
i don’t know what I have to do Eylon.
but I hate the darkness..