The Voices Within

-== During the Study Break ==- Solus pours over a tome called 'Consortium' with a thick leather cover and high rag sheets of paper that crinkle when they are turned. References to the cult of Gigareth are pulled within the words of dogma. It is a academic view of the organization of the cult. References to Builders and Breakers are within. She turns a page, hoping to understand more. A slender hand brushes away moonlight hair so she can read with those crimson eyes.
Dante has a different approach to the hour. Although he finds himself looking at books, it is not for any period of time. They become something he can stack up one after the other to see how high they can go before falling.

Syn would want to say this place does not surprise her, that this is exactly what she had imagined a vault of Jacob Whyte’s to be like. She stands in the middle of this tucked away study filled with books of obscure topics. So it would seem he’s done it again. Solidifying just how strange and frankly, dangerous Jacob really is.
Poking her nose past the other door to look at the teleportation circle on the ground, she stares blankly as a fleeting memory of her and Solus’ time spent at his estate rolls into her thoughts. Syn steps backwards, turning her head slightly to catch the white hair of her beloved friend. Her red eyes settle on Solus for a moment as she flips curiously through a large tome on her lap in silence. A hesitant step is made in her direction, why? With Syn pressing her back against the stone wall, she slides down to land closely next to her. “We once found a tome in a desk in some far away dungeon not of this plane. The thing was alive and wanted to eat our faces off. It got tossed to me and I threw that fucker straight into a river of lava.” Syn grins to her friend. “This one seems safe though. Curious if you found anything of interest so far?”

Delandros is out like a light. You would think he was dead if not for the occasional shift in positioning
"You handled a book by throwing it into a river of lava," Solus asks with a suppressed laugh. It breaks free in an airy melody of ha ha has. The month has shown many sides of the young woman's face, but it is the times where there is a simple and pure smile that shows the reflection of a past self. "That is so like you," Solus takes solace in that, looking in her old friend's direction. "You never were much for books," she continues as those eyes slide back to the tome in her lap.
An index finger runs around the dull edge of the page. It carefully curves across to the finely inked manuscript. "I always found comfort in them," she says, "and I seem to, still. To close my eyes and imagine that someone is speaking these things to me. Letting them grab root." The red eyes open as her face tries to reconcile the joke, "And not throw them into burning fire once they are deep within my grasp," the tiefling teases.
A flick of resourcefulness crosses her eyes, "But its hard to focus. I hear the words in Paulo's voice and it is distracting. So I imagine it harder in Alexa's voice. Its worse. I've tried Captios' voice but," she shakes her head, "it makes something enjoyable very confusing. Like speaking in a loud room." Her palm rests on the page, "A Breaker and a Builder are two parts of a whole not unlike a lumberjack and a carpenter. One needs the other." Stating that causes a sort of pain in her chest as she winces. "They enter into an agreement. The details of it are coming along slowly. Be patient with me, I need to do this," she says, as if not ignorant that such talented and intelligent people like Captios, Robin, or Alexa could likely do better at this activity. It is not easy being surrounded by such talent.

Syn’s grin beams towards her friend but it fades and withers to fine lined lips once Solus replies. It’s so very clear to Syn that Solus is not who she once was and there is a part of her that aches because of it. The mention of their past lives together and such a humble smile bring just a sliver of relief to Syn’s heart. “No, I guess not…” Red eyes follow her friends’ finger as it travels along the aged paper. Listening to every word, every vowel, as though her voice is a gift of itself. It still does not seem real. “I am not joking when I say, face eating tome.” Syn holds her hands out and closes them together, opening and closing once more to gesture a biting book and then smiles.
She pauses, pulling her legs into her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees. “I am in no rush.” Syn says to ease the worries of Solus. “Alexa thought this may help you. We thought you might be a builder given your hair color…” A hand reaches up to grab a strand of her own black hair, twirling it between her index and thumb. “And since I am a Breaker, maybe that’s why…Jacob...” Her voice trails off. Its hard to say in front of her and the flinch from Solus makes her worry. Maybe this is still too early. Syn leans her chin on the tip of her knees, rolling her head to the side to look at Solus. “Why all these different voices? Why not your own?”

With Solus distracted in the depths of a book, Robin seizes the opportunity the banish her stuffed canine friend for the moment and conjure herself an eccentrically patterned and especially comfortable looking armchair.
She sat cross legged upon it, surrounded by tomes as she glanced over to Delandros and his laboured breathing. He had until very recently seemed quite invincible, both physically and mentally, so the sight of him being crushed in moments by the golem had struck her heavily. She wondered if it had affected him also and a look of slight sadness became obvious about. His excessively cocky and jovial attitude was an annoyance to be sure but one she couldn’t imagine him without.
She looks down to her notepad and the scribblings upon it. The event had triggered the worry that she herself should probably invest more in defensive magic and anyone glancing her doodles might recognise an experimental formula to blend her conjuration abilities with the shield spell. The maths had her a little stuck though.
Her eyes glance back to the room with a thought as they rest on Captios. It was clear he was unhappy with her but he seemed professional enough at least within the vault to put his disdain for her aside and cooperate. She hops from her chair. She should apologise for the name confusion, even if the words Captios had returned were far harsher, it seemed right to clear the air.
She stops for a moment and turns back to Delandros, remembering his clumsy rescues of her and smiles. She whips her wand and summons a far fluffier pillow beneath his head before approaching Captios.
“Hey, Captios. I just wanted to apologise, for the name thing. Del insists on a minimum consumption of alcohol as you’ve seen and I wasn’t in my best head in the middle of the forest. Regardless of excuses, I’m sorry I caused offence, in truth I actually came to the camp excited to meet you after reading your work.”

There is a moment where the words hit Solus like rain in Spring. They are acknowledged but without focusing on their existance it is easy to forget they were there. Her red eyes look vacant for a time as they look to the book. "I don't know," she finally says. There are so many questions. Answers that could be a fiction, of something she believed was true but wasn't true. Reconsiliation between two sides with their own visions.
"I think," Solus continues, neatly seated with a book in her lap, "because Paulo would read to me when I was unable to. They are a lot a like, Paulo and Alexa. He thought it would help." Her eyes open, "Maybe thats why I think of Alexa's voice next. Then of Captios, since he is so smart." The gaze casts to someone who can absorb a book in moments, whereas she struggles on a single page. The eyes flick to snap to Syn's, "Hearing my own voice in my head is unsettling right now. I can hear it and it doesn't sound like me. So, even if I heard my own, it still sounds like someone else's."
A hand turns a page on the book as the crinkle of the vellum lands to the next. "I am a Builder. Paulo. Gig. Told me. Showed me," she says, her way of talking becoming fragmented between two separate truths. Her eyes close. "Paulo told me, when I was with him, that I am like the first rays of dawn on a dark night. That feeling is what I build upon and create upon the world. Gig showed me that I am the intensity of a sun that cracks the skin, peeling it and burning it into a radiant pain." A deep breath, "It is a riddle. I wish I knew exactly what I did when you were struck by that light. All I could think of is that I couldn't lose you. I told the Light that and..." there is a moment of hesitation, "I want to say I took your lead and just told it to move to that other statue, but in truth a part of me wanted to see what happened when the light came to bear upon it. I don't know if that was your will or mine."

Captios looks up from the pile of books he is skimming through. His eyes focus on the blue haired wizard in front of him. "You're not the first person from the academy to call me something, and you probably won't be the last. The only people that consistently remembered my name were teachers and guys like Clemens. That's fine, I accept your apology and I appreciate the sentiment. Speaking of Clemens, he did most of the work on the cure. I was just the person he could bounce ideas off of. Similar to Krune's role in the Roman-Krune constant, since you are familiar with ley-lines. I was neither sufficient nor necessary for the creation of the cure." Captios goes back to working on the task at hand.
"In terms of the random, thoughtless experimentation, I'm sorry for blowing up. But I stand by the content of my rant. Just realize that in your normal life, you're protected from most bad things happening. You've been able to live in the embrace of a society that appreciates you and your work, whatever that may be. And even if they don't appreciate it, they won't tell you that. It is a testament to your character to some extent that you were willing to leave that world and join us here."
"But places like this are different. Now that you are in the real world, you may have to rely on me, a peasant boy from lower Crystallis. You may have to stifle your urges to just try something without thinking it through first. Otherwise you might kill us all, or leave us to a fate worse than death."
Captios switches subjects now. "That wand you have. You seem to fear it's use but also want to use it some badly. Especially early on, you were hesitant to use it. I'm actually surprised you found it. It seems like something your family would have given you as a graduation gift. Let me know if you want me to help you with it. You can do it yourself, I'm sure, but it might be worth relying on the rest of us to help you out. Like Clemens did."

..."mead"...
Zzz

"Well your application of the Roman-Krune constant was still impressive. Using the native ley-lines of the gate and deflecting them to transport the cure to the troposphere was still an inspired calculation." She says almost a little fangirly with a blush.
As he continued however she felt the malice return to his voice along with a hint of superiority. Perhaps she was only stung by the implication of her privileged and cushioned upbringing because of the truth that rang through in his statements.
"...I don't think of you as a peasant boy" Is all she can think to say in response though it is barely audible as he continues onto the subject of the wand. Even at the mention of it she feels herself instinctively reaching towards it's resting place on her belt, as though threatened by it's potential examination. She couldn't fully describe herself while she felt so protective of it, nor her desire to use it but she felt herself turning so that the wand sat a little further from him.
"I believe I can handle it. Plus you know, interpersonal anchorage, ley-contamination, attunement sterility, lots of variables id like to keep as controlled as possible" She adds a small smile and chuckle to the end and let her eyes drift over to Solus and Syn.
"What's the deal with bright eyes? That light should have knocked her on her butt, I would know"

She lets out a sigh of frustration. “But you don’t want anyone to read this book to you. You want to read it yourself, so then do so.” Her Tiefling personality slowly bubbles to the surface with each word. “Do things the way you want to, do things at your own pace.” She meets eyes with Solus. “Find your own voice.”
Syn leans back, resting the back of her head against the stone wall. “I felt what Paulo was talking about. It was before the battle, your light then felt like dawn. It was refreshing. Though, I think I’ve seen that same light that Gig told you as well. Maybe not in that exact manner, but it’s there, that different kind of light, it’s there.” She shrugs slightly. “But Is it really a riddle? You acted how you wanted to. So what if the truth of it is that you wanted to see that fucking thing destroyed, but you also helped me not lose and arm.” She chuckles slightly. “You overthink things. That certainly hasn’t changed…” Her voice trails off in thought and she sits in silence for a moment. “You should know, I am a Knight of his. Gig. Though maybe you already knew that?”

The sweet and gentle Solus looks at Syn as she talks to her. At her. There is this ache inside her that builds up. It explodes. The book shuts loudly. "Stop telling me what I want and don't want. What I am and I'm not. I don't even know that right now and it is infuriating to be told what I want for myself right now." Her hair begins to wisp about her, strands of white floating as if in water. "Maybe I want to hear it in Paulo's voice when I read a book. Maybe that grounds me, comforts me, and makes it easier to understand. But that is the choice I make for myself." Deep breaths. She closes her eyes as her hands rest on the book.
"Sorry," she says, the threat of hair flailing returning to normal levels. "I don't have the answers and," she shakes her head, "I don't have a thought to grip onto. I have belief. I believe this will get better. I believe this won't push you away from me. I believe that we can all be friends here and laugh and find funny things to talk about again." She opens her eyes and looks to Syn. She isn't tired at all, she looks envigored, determinate, "More than anything I want this to settle so I can focus on other people, other things. I don't like the attention and lately I can't seem to step out of the spotlight nor avoid stepping back into it." A head shakes a little, "I know about the Knight thing. Or. It is a thought. A theory. I've been trying to sort all of them out for a month, but the only thing that has made sense is what I did after the invasion. That thing with the light was the first time it felt certain. It felt real, not..." a pause, "... like I've lost my mind. That I'm insane. Because when I think of things in the past, it feels that way. Everything except you. So I'm not crazy, I just need time. Patience." She picks up a stray pebble and throws it at Syn, "And for my best friend to stop reminding me how fickle and contradictive I am. I'm figuring things out, I will stumble and fall and Im sure its hard to watch but be the better woman here and just try to support me. I don't know that you will, but I believe you will." Another pebble, "And you'd better or I'll stab your face with my hair." Extreme makeover. Emphasis on extreme.

Syn throws her hands up as she slams the book shut. Her red eyes narrow on her white-haired friend. “Okay.” She says behind a mumbled voice. Watching the white hair rise and shift as Solus gets clearly angry. A frustration brewing inside her own chest that it feels so weird for it to surface towards a friend that has been in her eyes, dead. A pebble hits one of her horns and bounces off, rolling across the floor, another following that hits her cheek. Syn can’t help but grin through it, reach out and grab Solus’ arm, pulling her into a hug. Arms wrap around her tightly and she burrows her head into her friends’ shoulder. “Of course, it’s fucking hard to watch.” Syn says with muffled words. “Because I have to sit here wondering if what I did was the right choice. If somewhere in there you spite me because of it. So get mad, throw rocks, stab me a million times over, but know that normalcy will never come and I am sorry.” She sits there in silence with her head pressed into her shoulder. May 19, 2020

Solus' heartbeat is slow and steady. Strong. The rise and fall of her body as air draws in and leaves. Things that give reality to her being here in this moment. A slow movement of her arms as they wrap around like fresh linen and give Syn a gentle hug. Her hand rest on the other tiefling's dark hair in the soothing headpats. Pat. Pat. "Its going to be okay," she says in a melodic tone of voice. Not a lot of words, but her message is as clear as cool water after a long day.