Odyssey 2 in The Void Between | World Anvil

Odyssey 2


This is a continuation of the story told in Odyssey 1. If you've yet to read it, I'd advise doing so to avoid confusion. Thanks for taking the time!


The lights flickered on when they dropped from warp. Mouse jumped from her seat. She rushed to the lower decks with a smile, eager for what this system had in store. She reached navigation, and activated the display.   Her eyes lit up, as they often did during surveys. It didn't matter what she found, she'd be filled with wonder all the same. The system had three planets, all circling a white dwarf star.   Something else caught her attention. It was massive, but not dense enough to be a planet. She felt it could be an asteroid or even a small moon.   This wouldn't be all that interesting on its own. This thing, whatever it was, emitted a familiar signal, a human signal. She tried and failed to pick it up, to receive whatever this anomaly was transmitting. Mouse flinched at the sound of the door sliding open.   Argus stepped in, then stopped when she noticed the display. "What is that?"   Mouse shook her head, "No idea. I can't pick up the signal."   "Do you have eyes on it?" Argus asked.   Mouse shook her head and pulled up a live feed from outside. Hey eyes went wide. "What is that?"   She saw endless weaves of white, fleshy roots nestled in a grayish cloud of gas. The structure looked almost like a massive hourglass, with roots and brambles branching from a gnarled, twisted thicket at the center.   Argus pressed a finger against the display and read through the data. "It's not that you can't pick up the signal, that thing is causing interference. Give me a sec." After a few moments of fiddling, her eyes narrowed. "Woah, wait. Not interference at all. Just really old tech."   "Is that a nebula?" Mouse asked.   Argus scoffed, "You're worried about the cloud? It's just water vapor. Look closer at the center of the roots."   Mouse saw a faint shimmer, a glint of metal as the white dwarf cast its light on the object. "A ship?"   "Yes, caught inside the structure. Based on how it looks. That ship is the point of origin."   "How does a plant this big survive in space?" Mouse asked.   Argus smiled, "No one said it's alive, or that it's a plant. We need to get closer to find that out."   "Is that an invitation or a warning?"   "What do you think? I know who I'm talking to. I couldn't care less about the giant weed. I'm more concerned about the signal. That ship is flying colors."   Mouse read the words that scrolled on the display. "The UEN Azrael."     Argus nodded. "An earth ship."   Oracle and Roadrunner rushed through the door within seconds of being told. While eager, Roadrunner looked concerned. Throughout the discussion on how to proceed, he stared at the display in silence.   Mouse spoke the moment she noticed, "Jordan?"   He looked up, tilting his head at the sound of his real name. "Yes?"   "Something on your mind?" Mouse replied.   "Azrael, what does it mean?"   Oracle spoke then, eager to answer, "It's a religious figure from earth. We don't know much, but possibly one of many gods or spirits representing death and destruction."   Roadrunner looked up at Mouse and laughed. "You want to muck about on a ship named after an ancient death spirit?"   "Why does it matter what its name is?" Mouse said, crossing her arms.   "Well, I'm not as educated as you guys, but I do have some military service under my belt. Safeharbor's navy is based on earth's. Naming conventions are a tradition practically written in stone." He switched the display to the external camera. "Besides that, this is quite a ways away. You can see the ship clearly. That means it's one of the big boys, at least a cruiser. Earth didn't make many outside of the arks."   Mouse shrugged. "And?"   "Earth ships were named after heroes and other famous figures, fictional, or otherwise. They were never named after religious figures as a rule. They didn't want to be accused of favoritism, or exclusion."   "So it's a super special earth ship?" Oracle asked   Roadrunner chuckled before answering, "More than that. I think it's one of The Four Horsemen."   Argus interrupted, holding out her hand and shaking her head, "The Horsemen are mentioned in the archive once, and as a footnote. No need to be so cautious."   Roadrunner smiled, "With all that's missing from the archives, I disagree. This is the perfect reason to be cautious."   "What are The Horsemen?" Mouse asked.   Argus thought a moment before answering, breaking eye contact to recall the information. "Earth produced four classes of scientific cruisers. They were mainly for R&D, designed to handle projects too dangerous to be studied close to home."   Roadrunner nodded and sighed, "Don't get me wrong. We're going in. We just need to be careful. The horsemen were sent into deep space for a reason. Oracle and Argus can work on studying the roots while you and I search the ship."   "Is that safe?" Mouse asked. "How's your shoulder?"   "Doesnt even hurt. I'm good. I doubt anyone would be alive, but I'd advise going in armed." Roadrunner turned from the group and stepped out of the room, "You never know, right?"        
      When their shuttle formed a seal against the hull of The Azrael, Mouse and Roadrunner pressed a button on their suits. The button activated electromagnets in their boots, gluing them down to the floor despite the lack of gravity.   Mouse placed a breaching sensor against the ship's door. She listened as a metallic bang rang out and a small probe shot through the hull. Numbers scrolled across a screen on the device, a series of pressure readings and test results of the air on the other side of the door.   Mouse stood up, "Still pressurized and the air is breathable."   "Helmets stay on. Let's not risk it," Roadrunner replied.   Mouse nodded and opened the door. The inside was dark, and they hesitated before stepping inside.   "Hey," Mouse began, waiting for his response before continuing.   "Yeah?"   "You remember the first rule of exploring earth vessels, Yes?"   Roadrunner shook his head. "Enlighten me."   The moment he spoke, the lights turned on, buzzing and occasionally flashing as they illuminated the corridor in front of them.   Mouse laughed, "Unless it's critical, we maintain radio silence. These walls have ears."   He raised his rifle and nodded, entering the hallway as he replied, "S.H. protocols. I understand."   The search was slow. They walked through every corridor as if on eggshells. It wasn't the silence that made it uncomfortable, it was the emptiness, the lack of character. Every wall was white and sterile despite its age.   Mouse couldn't imagine living on a ship that didn't feel lived in. Her own quarters were painted as she saw fit. Her artwork covered its walls. She had pictures of her father, mother, and sister on her lavatory mirror. The Azrael had nothing, as if it took to the void only moments before they arrived.   The first room they found looked like living quarters. Bunk beds lined the far sides of the room. Each bed was made with expert precision. Uniforms sat on the end of each bed, folded perfectly.   They searched the room in silence, digging through footlockers and shelves for any information they may hold. When they found nothing, they pressed on, discovering a common area with rows of food that rotted ages ago. Now all that remained was dust.   Mouse scanned the shelves until she found a group of canisters labeled "Honey." She grabbed them and stowed them in a sack at her side.   She turned away and saw Roadrunner staring, his face scrunched up in disgust. She shook her head and walked past him, leaving the room and pressing on.   They passed rows of aerial drones, dormant and well-preserved, as they hung from their racks. Mouse concluded that whatever happened here, it happened without a fight.   They reached a second barracks. Mouse felt her heart race. Like before, all the beds were made in immaculate fashion, except for one. In the far corner of the room, the remains of someone who died long ago rested on a cot.   Mouse pointed to the cot, and Roadrunner nodded in response, turning around to cover the door as she investigated further.   Mouse noticed the corpse was holding something in its skeletal hand. She straightened the fingers and a bloodstained, crumpled piece of paper fell to the floor.   It took her several moments to pick it up. She was afraid it would be a picture of the corpse's family or possibly a note written in their dying moments. She found neither.   When she uncrumpled the page, she cocked her head. The words were small, printed with numbers at the beginning of seemingly random paragraphs. The word "Revelation" marked the head of the page, the text beneath it formatted into two columns.   Mouse tried, but failed to remember seeing any other text from earth formatted in the same way. She read the text, and noticed several lines were marked, highlighted in various colors.   One in particular stood out to her. It was the only line highlighted in red, "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth."   She folded the page and slid it into a pouch on her suit. She felt a hand on her shoulder and it gave a light squeeze. She turned and Roadrunner stood above her, his eyes fixed to the doorway.   Mouse leaned forward to get a better look and saw the outline of shadows approaching.   She picked up her rifle and followed Roadrunner to the far side of the room. They walked on the balls of their feet to limit the noise as they pressed themselves to the wall.   Mouse spoke so soft, it was hard to hear even over the mic, "Argus. Someone's in the ship with us."   "What?" Argus said. "Can you get out? Are they hostile?"   "No," Mouse replied, her breath shaking. She never fired to kill before. "Can't confirm."   "I'll send a drone. But that's going to take a minute. Don't get caught."   Mouse moved to raise her rifle at the door, then stopped. Roadrunner looked over, likely wondering why. Mouse thought about what Argus said, and had an idea to get them support much quicker.   She spoke loudly and with purpose on impulse as soon as heavy footsteps neared the doorway, "Hope is the thing with feathers."   As soon as she said it, the ship reacted. An alarm sounded throughout the vessel, echoing down its halls with every blaring tone. She heard something in the walls, a clang and clatter from several locations throughout the ship.   Something came through the doorway. It was tall. Its body was thin. The creature wore skin of the darkest purple coupled with a row of red coated fangs. Its wild eyes peered at them. It raised its head and gave a violent screech.   Roadrunner fired, the magnetized rounds flying from the rifle. The bullets split the air, the only sound that could be heard. The bullets punched holes through its chest, leaving holes the size of Mouse's fist. Despite the damage, it still charged at them.   A second creature entered the room, and then a third. Mouse raised her rifle and fired. Hitting the first creature in the head. The body dropped, tripping the second as it charged behind.   Mouse heard another sound over all the shrieks, something that sounded like the flutter of wings. An aerial drone flew through the doorway followed by another.   They fired on the creatures, the flash and bang leaving a ringing in Mouse's ears even through the suit. Each round found its target, punching holes through their bodies until dropping them with a bullet to the head. When the creatures were down, the drones left the room, already tracking new targets somewhere unseen throughout the ship.   The sounds of shrieking and gunfire echoed through the halls, the entire fleet of aerial drones finally given a task to complete.   "Argus," Mouse said, speaking into the mic.   "What's going on?"   "I activated the ship's defense. Shouldn't be a problem from here on out," Mouse replied.   "What are these things?" Roadrunner asked, his eyes wide as he leaned over one of the bodies.   Now that Mouse was closer, it shocked her how human they appeared, despite their deformities. "Could this be the crew, or maybe what's left of them?"   Roadrunner shrugged. "I don't know."   Mouse shrugged and pointed to the doorway. "Let's keep moving. The way ahead should be clear, but keep your eyes up, and keep the talking to a minimum."   He nodded, and they proceeded deeper into the ship. As they pushed forward, they noticed the temperature dropping.   Mouse shivered staring at white, fleshy roots trailing across the walls of the hallway like vines. The roots writhed and pulsed, red sap flowing like blood from bite marks scattered along its length. Were these creatures feeding on the roots?   After a time, they reached a door that wouldn't open automatically. The door panel indicated an emergency lockdown was in effect. Mouse pulled out the breaching sensor, placed it against the door, and pressed the button. A loud bang rang out, and the results scrolled on the screen.   The room was in a hard vacuum. Mouse made sure Roadrunner read the screen before standing up. With their helmets still on, it wouldn't be a problem.   She reached for the door panel and managed to override the lockdown. She cracked the door open. Air rushed through, but to Mouse's surprise, it did not vent out. The room stabilized with the hall behind them.   Mouse opened the door fully, and stepped inside with her rifle raised. The room was dark, and freezing. A black hose floated near the ceiling and Ice coated the walls and floors.   The temperature, Mouse concluded, was likely due to a fuel leak. The hydrogen filled the room before it was sealed off.   A research pod sat on the back wall. What once was a cylindrical glass tube now rested on the floor in pieces. The strange flora, still very much alive, covered the wall. A massive trunk stretched from floor to ceiling, puncturing the hull and sealing the breach with its own body.   Mouse walked to a nearby computer, inserting a memory drive into the only port it would fit in. Argus, I'm connected to a computer."   "I see it. Nice work, I can touch every system on board from here. Are you om the bridge?" Argus replied.   "No, it looks like a lab. Pull everything you can. You'll have time. I don't think anyone is gonna pull the drive out. We're heading home." Mouse stood up and noticed Roadrunner staring at the writhing mass.   She was about to speak when he stepped forward, his attention drawn to a blank space on the wall near the pod. He wiped away the ice to reveal a plaque with words written in gold, "Pale Horse."

Cover image: by Vectorium


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Mar 8, 2021 19:14 by Time Bender

Ooh, this gave me the chills! I can't wait to read more. The creatures remind me somewhat of what happened to an ancient crew on a ship in the video game Uncharted! Definitely creepy. But very well-written, as always! Great job.

Mar 8, 2021 19:41 by R. Dylon Elder

Man, i've got to play those games! lol that sounds cool. glad it had the desired affect! thanks as always my friend!

Mar 8, 2021 21:02 by Time Bender

The first game had a really creepy segment where the main character was fighting creatures similar to these, but not exactly the same! It gave me nightmares as I was still fairly young at the time. I think you'd find the games fascinating, even if you only watched a play-through! But I loved this article. It makes me wonder what exactly happened to the crew here! Can't wait to find out.

Mar 8, 2021 19:18

hmmm.... interesting.   Zombies are somewhat unexpected, and a giant white space-plant is definitely outside the box. For now I shall assume that every detail has something to do with the fate of the earth; In which case I worry about the virulence of this plant and how far it might spread on the surface of a planet. However if it's adapted to space, gravity may not agree with it. Note: Further experimentation needed. Just bring it home in the sturdiest sample case you have, just in case.   I'm confused. The ship's name is Azrael, but the plaque says Pale Horse? I guess it would be a reference to the highlighted passage in revelations, but other than that, I'm confused.   Good to know that these folks don't have the bible in their archives. Might be a clue...   New theory: earth is in a completely different dimension than this universe, whether it was shunted there accidentally or the human race was shunted here.   It's really great to begin seeing all of your setting rules in action, especially "hope is the thing with feathers." and the fact that you never know what strange things you're gonna find when you board a strange spaceship.

Mar 8, 2021 19:52 by R. Dylon Elder

Glad it wasn't too expected and thanks for the comment and kind words! I also agree that it should be kept in a super sturdy case. XD They do actually have the bible, among many religious texts, in the archive. Most don't read them, as religion is a complicated subject in The Void Between. May delve into this in the near future as its kind of important lol   The plaque actually refers to the project, the plant is called Pale Horse and will be my entry into the most recently announced challenge. You're welcome to explore as many theories as you like! lol that is definitely a new one.   I wanted even old earth ships to feel alien to modern humans. I'm glad i managed to succeed in some capacity! thanks so much.

Mar 8, 2021 22:27 by TC

Ooooooh, love me some biblical allusions! I mean anything connected to religion makes me happy. Gosh I can't wait to read more (I know I said this before but the feeling keeps growing!)   First off, I just noticed you also have an Argus, hell yeah! Second, god that plant is creepy as hell. I saw in another comment you're planning to write about it for the challenge, really excited to see what you come up with!

Creator of Arda Almayed
Mar 8, 2021 22:40 by R. Dylon Elder

Yup! That's my plan. The archivist gets ahold of the data and adds the plant to the archives. That's next, and I'm super excited.   This is the closest thing to an event I've done for a world. It's nothing fancy but thus far, it's been fun and everyone seems to have enjoyed it. We shall see when we delve into the mystery of this creepy plant!   Thanks so much changeling. I appreciate the kind words and YES the presence of Argus is one of the things that caught my eye in my notifications XD

Mar 9, 2021 05:42 by Jacob Billings

Wooh. This is going to take a bit of time but, at the moment, we shall see if I can manage to pull some good comments out of thin air.   "eager for what this system had in store."
This clause is rather passive, in a way to disrupts the flow of the sentence. Referring to it as "the" system would help at least fit in.   "She reached navigation, and activated the display."
When using coordinating conjunctions, a comma is only necessary when connecting two independent clauses; therefore, a clause like the latter one which has no subject is a dependent clause and the sentence needs no comma.   "as they often did"
Not an ideal description as it gives no indication of why. In general, people's eyes only light up when they're engaged. Consider adding a cause to the clause, stating something like "as they did whenever she tested new technology." Or really anything more descriptive.   "She felt it could be an asteroid or even a small moon."
Yikes. This error is a difficult one to explain. It stems from the lack of engagement in the use of direct narration. By stating that she felt something, you're telling the reader. When writing, the whole goal is to show the reader the events unfolding. (Not as hard to explain as I'd anticipated). Avoid using language like "she felt" for ideas and emotions when you could show it instead. Rather, verbs such as "felt" should only be used for literal interpretations like "rubbing her hands together, she felt the numbness fading."   "This wouldn't be all that interesting on its own."
Opening a paragraph with "this" is rather weak. It's not that the fact you're ambiguous is bad, more so that you should pick a different word or sentence structure. Consider trying something more like "It wouldn't have been all that interesting on its own, but..." or "On its own, it wouldn't have been all that interesting." Both of these remove the hanging "this" as that word refers to a previously implied subject. By breaking the paragraph, you lose the ability to open with the word "this." (Also, adding the caveat that my explanation isn't quite right, but it's the best explanation that I could come up with as to why using "this" is wrong)   "a familiar signal, a human signal."
When using this type of repetition, you should probably split it into different sentences. While grammatically incorrect, it better conveys the pause you imply and helps to differentiate it from the other commas in the sentence.   "stepped in, then stopped"
The current tense is a bit weird with this. While it's in past tense, you sort of imply is a simultaneous action. You probably want to correlate a series of actions, in which case you should say "stepped in, stopping when" instead of the current phrase you are using.   "Mouse shook her head"
This is a direct repeat of the previous action/dialogue tag. Consider stating "shook her head again" as it makes the recurrence of the phrase appear more intentional.   "grayish cloud Of gas"
The 'o' doesn't need to be capitalized. Also, while I wouldn't normally mention something as specific and nitpicky as this, see if you can find a more descriptive way to describe the gas than "grayish," Something like translucent fog, faded mercury, etc. Grayish is a fairly weak adjective considering the significance of what you're describing. But, that could also be down to my personal preference.   It's interesting to see that Mouse doesn't know what's going on. This is a flip from the previous Odyssey where she was teaching the others how to navigate. Not really significant, so long as it makes sense with your current characterization.   A plant, you say? Do I see a challenge article in the making?   Why did Mouse use the name Jordan? As far as I can see, you don't really explain that. Also, it's only really lightly hinted at that Jordan and Roadrunner are the same character. Upping the hints would help, though it doesn't really matter. I'm just saying such as it took three re-reads to notice some of the specifics.   "answering,"More than that"
The space after the period is missing.   "The Horsemen are mentioned in the archive once, and as a footnote. No need to be so cautious."
Why would its only mention being in a footnote matter? The archives are continuously being updated and, without the context of what kind of footnote, the Horsemen could easily be dangerous if they don't have information. The flaw is pointed out soon after, but what lead to the initial conclusion?   --   Sorry if some of the comments are a bit nonsensical. It's been a rather long day so my brain's lost a lot of its computational power. Since I'm leaving a really long comment, I think I'm going to stop at the [hr] and continue on reading at a later date.

Mar 9, 2021 08:15 by R. Dylon Elder

Oooof lots of errors. Thanks for pointing em out! Sorry. I will admit it was hastily written so i could get the actual challenge. I'll tidy up a bit around the entire article so your next dive here wont be so time consuming.   The reasoning behind the footnote should made a little more clear, as they're only discussed regarding ships built by earth and no where else. They have little to no reason to worry about that. Now that they can see it... well roadrunner has some reservations.   Mouse does take a backseat here. She's an explorer, a navigator, an survivor. Argus is more tech savvy and scholarly while oracle is much more understanding of history and culture. I wanted to set them up so they all could contribute in their own way. Dont know if that's done well, but it was the goal. I havnt had nearly as much time with these characters compared to the scarlet ashes. I can feel how much is missing and it bugs me lol   Jordan was set up in the stargazing article. It's older yes but this is an ongoing story being told from article one. You wouldnt start on chapter ten but also cant be expected to remember somthing from months before XD   All the same, excellent comment! Thank you good sir. I shall fix these mishaps!

Mar 13, 2021 07:24 by Jacob Billings

Time for part two. Sorry for the delays. I started yesterday but got busy. Also, it doesn't quite seem like this part will be much shorter than my last series of comments. Whoops.   "As they approached the airlock of The Azrael, Mouse finally understood just how large the ship was, but it was dwarfed by the flora surrounding it. When their shuttle formed a seal, they both pressed a button on their suits. The button activated electromagnets in their boots, practically gluing them down to the floor despite the lack of gravity."
There are a few comments to make her. The first is about the lack of transition between the first and second sentences. There's no active relation between the subjects. I would suggest lengthening the descriptions of the visuals, since you have those nailed down in the Pale Horse article. The second thing of note is the formation of the sentences. The phrasing seems super weird and in a strange tense. I'd suggest something more akin to "The fans in the airlock of the shuttle whirred to life, creating an airtight seal. Pressing the buttons on their suits, electromagnets in their boots activated, practically gluing them to the floor." It has a stronger correlation of events. Also, the mention of no gravity isn't super relevant since... you know... they're in space.   "She listened as a metallic bang rang out."
Band sounds... destructive? I'd suggest commenting more on the fact the machinery in the shuttle was active. I'd suggest "the grinding of gears spinning life into the mechanics of the ship," but it's a bit cliché. Also, the following paragraph and this line should be combined. The actions are correlated. Or at least more so than the previous paragraph.   "as they illuminated the corridor in front of them."
This kind of feels redundant, but also necessary. I'd go for something more like "flashing, illuminating the halls in a faded beige."   "his rifle"
Rifle? That feels very old-fashioned for a space-travelling society with warp drives... Anyway, that's my only comment on that.   "Mouse couldn't imagine living...The Azrael had nothing, as if it took to the void only moments before they arrived."
The whole tangent about Mouse's living quarters seems slightly irrelevant. It's kind of good for characterization, but it feels like the focus should be more about the Azrael.   "They searched the room in silence"
No idea if your goal is to repeat this phrase for emphasis on the silence since it's a near mirror of the previous phrase. If it was intentional, you should probably use my previous suggestions to condense your space between instances so that it feels even more intentional.   The exploration section is a bit off-balanced between the length, which now is so short it feels mostly like an exposition dump, or under-developed for the intent. Finding an equilibrium between the length and detail is pretty important, so I'd suggest taking look at it. It certainly has the potential to be interesting, but it's just kind of bland at the moment.
Oh. Also, there's a section where you have two sentence-long+ paragraphs that begin with the word Mouse. Changing that might be nice.   "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth."
Did you write this or is this something that you got from something? If you wrote it, it definitely needs editing. The more brief version in the title of your challenge article was stronger. There are just too many and's in this bit.   "Roadrunner looked over, likely wondering why."
I didn't go back and check, but this phrase suggests that it's third-person limited. I've not noticed any other phrases that suggest it is or isn't in this section. Anyway, this one's for you to either puzzle out or ignore.   "It was tall. Its body was thin. The creature wore skin of the darkest purple coupled with a row of red coated fangs. Its wild eyes peered at them. It raised its head and gave a violent screech."
This one might be down to personal preferences, but I don't care very much for the description. I believe the primary problem is that all of those sentences are simple sentences which makes it difficult to get the best description.   "The bullets punched holes through its chest, leaving holes the size of Mouse's fist. "
You use the term holes twice in these sentences, which isn't ideal.   " charged behind."
Try "charged from behind." It might make a bit more sense in the context of the sentence.   "They fired on the creatures, the flash and bang leaving a ringing in Mouse's ears even through the suit."
Are spacesuits designed to reduce sound? I know that they can have shades, but I don't know about sound reduction. I don't think it makes any sense as sound shouldn't be able to travel in a vacuum since sound is the vibration of air particles.   "He nodded, and they proceeded deeper into the ship. As they pushed forward, they noticed the temperature dropping."
This is another one of those sentences of yours that seem like they'd be better suited as a singular sentence. In this case, I'd suggest something like "He nodded, taking the lead as they plunged into the cool depths of the ship."   Is the skin translucent? Otherwise, how can she see the sap? I may have forgotten some of the specifics of your article. My memory kind of sucks like that. Great with random facts, terrible with interesting information.   "Were these creatures feeding on the roots?"
What's the perspective of this? You don't italicize it nor suggest a character thought/said it. At this point, it seems like you pose the question to the reader.   Does hydrogen have a lower transference of heat? Otherwise, I don't see why the fuel leak would lead to a cooler temperature.   --   Cool article. It was super interesting, though I still don't think I can manage to discern horror unless it's in a movie with music and jump scares. Anyway, you pose a lot of questions in regard to the state of the ship and the remainder of the story of Mouse and her crew. I assume you'll have a few more Odysseys? What's your plan in that regard. Great work.

Mar 13, 2021 22:38 by R. Dylon Elder

I'll fix the errors and make the flow a bit better. Thanks for pointing em out. As far as seeing the sap, there were bite Mark's into the root, so the sap leaked out. The quote on the page must remain, however, as it's quoted from the bible... the bible does like its ands. I dont like it either XD The bit about kosues quarters is actually meant to illustrate the development of ship culture, which is a topic I have yet to really go into. The Azrael is bland and sterile while ships now tend to have alot more creative liberties taken by the crew.     Little short story bits with these characters will appear in the future, called odysseys though I'll have a little more time to really fine tune to the writing. This one was back to back. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing and I really liked it, so may do this for challenges in the future. Their will also be some dealing with Caydie as well as the story unfolds. Probably not as long though.

Mar 13, 2021 22:56 by Jacob Billings

I hope that all of the comments help and aren't too overwhelming. It's all really good, I just happen to nitpick a lot if I can. As for the mentioning of the ship culture, it's not I didn't like the bit. It just felt kind of out of place so working on the flow could make the worldbuilding stand out more there without disrupting the building of suspense. Good luck with the edits!   That's super cool. Worldbuilding like this is really interesting as it feels less like a setting and more like a controlled exploration of a specific story, with wonderful worldbuilding of course.

Mar 29, 2021 00:43 by Grace Gittel Lewis

I am glued to my SEAT here, dangit. It feels a lot like you're doing a sort of mid or end season shebang here, am I correct? Feels cool regardless of the intent!

Mar 30, 2021 01:38 by R. Dylon Elder

Glad it does! More like a part one of the season finale. I'm still working on caydie's side so I can have a nice end to the season. I'm so happy it worked. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and oof. I love working in this world.

Apr 23, 2021 10:25 by Wendy Vlemings (Rynn19)

I want to leave a comment but I got no time. I must know what happens next. I'm literally on the edge of my seat. Wait, I guess I am leaving a comment. Short as it may be. :D

Author of Ealdwyll, a fantasy world full of mystery.
Jul 19, 2021 14:55

I haven't read all of this yet, but what I have read so far is fun, stimulating and inspiring. Got a thing for Trees, you see. Be back later to read more.

Jul 19, 2021 15:25 by R. Dylon Elder

Welcome! Glad you took an interest and I hope you enjoy it further. Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it!

May 2, 2022 00:58 by Lilliana Casper

This was riveting. I like the reference to Revelations. The creatures were super creepy. I wonder if they're the crew or if they did something to the crew. And that plant is most definitely suspicious.

Lilliana Casper   I don't comment much, but I love reading your articles! Please check out my worlds, Jerde and Tread of Darkness.
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