The Story of how Pete Lost His Sight (Part 2)

Now lookee here young'uns, Ol Pete wudn't always blind as a swamp lizard in winter. Back when ah wuz a strappin yute, not much older than you alls, ah had da honor a leadin mah village inta battles. See, turns out regular folk ain't too fond a dyin'. Most of 'em wanna jus' kick der feet up by dah fire after hoe'in dem fields. Kinda like da "civilized" folk here in the 'Deep. They got all dese high an mighty folk protectin 'em, workin in der little shops feelin safe and happy. But yoose and me, we know da troof about da dark side of da city. (He fixes a stare at the kids, nodding when they don't look away).
 
Anyways, I wuz tellin y'all about leadin' mah people inta battle, and wut an honor it wuz. See, der be a lotta bad out der in da Realm, and y'aint always gotta a Paladin around ta protect ya. So when some of our neighbors got ta feelin uppity, dey would come lookin' fer da bounty ah mah bootiful Grimpshaw. Now, seein as we wuz nestled in da foothills ah duh Kobold Mountains, dat happened kinda regular like. But mosta mah folk wuz best at farmin da land, and even duh warriors were pretty much jes hunters mosta duh time. So when a nasty band ah gobbos an' natterlins came a callin', dey wuz more inclined tah run an' hide, lettin' duh nasty critters take all ar stuff. Which wuz better'n dyin ah suppose, but it also kinda meant da young uns and old foke would be starvin' til we could get back ta normal. So dats were Pete an his boyz came in. We trained proppa like tah be warriors. It wuz our job tah eat da wozenberries and get ar battle craze on. Kinda like dis... (Pete eats a blueberry and screams at the kids. He lets out a big old belly laugh when they start to run, obviously quite pleased with himself. He gives them the rest of the blueberries to win them back.)
 
So der dey wuz, duh Yellow Moon Gobbos, comin tah take wut wuz rightfully ars. Now bein young at da time (though not nearly as pretty as ah is now), ah kinda thought dat fightin wuz where honor got won. It ain't, ya know? Wad am ah sayin, y'all already nose dat survivin is da real trick. But like ah said, ah wuz young an foolish back den. So ah figgered ah'd be duh first ah duh Boyz ta git inta battle wit dese gobbos. But dey had dere pet natterlins, an ah ain't never seen dere ilk afore. Turns out dese tings kin spit poison, an' if ya all jacked up on wozenberries ya don't much worry bout a little spittin'. Dese tings caught me right in da eyeholes, stingin' like ah went swimmin wit ah womper eel. Now dis only made me hotter den hell, cuz back den ah taught det real men didn't nevva cry. Which ain't true needer, ya know? Turns out dat waterin from da eyes pays respect ta dose dat deserve it. But anyways, back den it jez made Pete even hotter. So ah laid about, killin all dem natterlin's afore dey could wreck duh other boyz. When duh gobbos saw dat dere wuz even more ah dose dat wrecked der pets, dey turned tail an ran like da cowardly creatures dey be. See, dat dere be one ah duh tricks y'all got ta be learnin' - who really be fearsome and worth running from, and who just be a bully dat'll turn tail once dey see dere up against a real warrior.
 
Anyways, dats how Pete lost his eyes. Mah village took good care o me after dat, seein as I had saved em an all dat. I knows what ya tinkin', "Pete, yoose got eyeballs now." But dat's a story fer anudder day. Right now y'all head home and figger out who's got poison an who's jez gonna run.