The Story of How Pete Lost His Sight (Part 1)

Dat be a question Ol' Pete gits axed a lot. I was jest startin ta enter mah manhood, wit fresh fuzz on mah testicles. Skulkin thru da brush, huntin da fumorious Bandersnatch. Tis a fearsome creature, with 'uge fangs and fearsome claws. But dat be a story fer anudder day. On dis fateful morn, Ah came up on mah favorit wudderin hole, hearin a splishin and a splashin. Ah gave out a fierce battle yell as ah leapt out of da bush, spear over mah head. But it wern't no bandersnatch, but da Queen herself a bathin. Now da women o mah village are a practical lot, goin about wit der milk duds hangin oot - easier ta feed da babes dat way. Not like dat here in da 'Deep (mournful sigh and a pause as he gets lost in some memory).

Anyways, da Queen ain't no normal woman, and her tatas wern't fer no man to see but da King. Ah had disgraced her by seein dis, and she could never walk aboot in da village agin, knowin' dat my evil eyes had seen her glory. So ah did wat any noble savage would do, ah reached up an' plucked mah own eyes out...
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Now young Pete wern't as smart as old Pete mind ya, but he wern't no fool needer. Ah knew ah might be needin dem eyes agin some day, so I popped em in me mouth and kept em safe in mah belly all deez years...
 
Now ya know da secret o why Pete always be a smilin'. Cause while every udder man be walkin aboot wit only one pair, Ol' Pete knows he's got 2 pairs ah balls down here. (He rubs his belly and starts laughing and guffawing, obviously quite pleased with himself).